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The Crime
Our tale of horror begins in a darkened house, at about midnight, on a cold date in January. Slowly, a strange and alien figure made his clumsy way through the house, bumping into everything in sight, as well as everything that it couldn’t see.
Yes, this was an unnatural being; someone who did not belong in the house, and one who knew not its ways. After smashing his way through several cases of priceless glass jars, the figure finally arrived at his destination: the cold dark kitchen. Without hesitation, or any real sign of intelligent thought, the figure let out a curiously stupid laugh. Then stepping forward, the burglar fumbled around in his pocket until he pulled out a match.
With tremendous glee, the stranger lit the match and gazed around until he could see his target. And then, with a pitiful effort, he launched the match at his desired appliance: the fridge. Needless to say, the throw was totally ineffective, and the match landed more or less at the uncaring figure’s feet.
"Hey." Commented the stranger, sounding altogether bored. Lighting another match, he tried again. But due to his almost total lack of effort, this match too hit nowhere near the mark. Letting out another annoyed "Hey", the figure proceeded to light match after match and toss them at the fridge. Just as the trespasser realised he had no matches left, one of his flaming projectiles hit his target.
Needless to say, the fridge went totally up in flames.
The Victim
The next morning, Hannibal was startled to discover that his fridge was on fire (still). After lighting a cigar, panicking, and hiding in an ancient Tibetan statue, the leader of the A-Team realised that the pyromaniac who had started this fire was doubtless long gone. Emerging from his hiding place, he quickly thought up a fool-proof plan: He would get someone else to deal with this. Satisfied that once again, he had managed to come up with a plan that involved almost no work for himself, Hannibal went to the phone and called the local police.
"Get me your best team of agents!" Hannibal demanded, after explaining the situation to the startled local constable.
The constable, not wanting to interrupt his midmorning snack of donuts to do a lousy fire report, and realising that the entire police force was actually busy doing a similar thing, exclaimed, "I’m sorry, Hannibal. We don’t have time to deal with every minor fridge fire that occurs. We’d get no coffee breaks!" This thought was totally beyond the scope of the young police officer’s mind.
"You don’t understand!" Hannibal almost shouted. "This is clearly the work of a mastermind! I want your best man on the job! I want..," Hannibal glanced at his TV that was currently showing an advertisement for an old James Bond movie (Hannibal has outdated equipment, what else can I say?), "I want James Bond on the case! Call the secret service! Get James Bond flown over here on top priority. But even he isn’t enough, no, then I might have to help him. Also call in Mr. T, who should currently be down at the local milk bar!"
After hanging up, Hannibal thought more about the situation at hand. Soon, two of the best spies and secret agents in the world would be on this job. Thus, Hannibal concluded, he should have a VERY relaxing afternoon.
The Suckah Service
The big black man with a mohawk was the first to arrive, and he clearly was not pleased that his patented Milk-Marathon had been interrupted. Adjusting his gold chains, and the tuxedo he sported to look the part of an agent, as he "pitied da foo’ agent that didn’t wear a tuxedo".
The next morning, Hannibal was startled to discover that his fridge was on fire (still). After lighting a cigar, panicking, and hiding in an ancient Tibetan statue, the leader of the A-Team realised that the pyromaniac who had started this fire was doubtless long gone. Emerging from his hiding place, he quickly thought up a fool-proof plan: He would get someone else to deal with this. Satisfied that once again, he had managed to come up with a plan that involved almost no work for himself, Hannibal went to the phone and called the local police.
