A Little Bit Of Love

I've heard of many sayings, and annoying surveys, that suggest everyone needs a little bit of love to survive. I'm not going to comment on the obvious sappy factor, instead I'll mainly deal with the fact that the above statement is totally wrong. Love isn't the real need everyone shares; sure, being overly realistic, I could say that we all also need food. But I'll discount that factor, simply to avoid being too much of a realist. No, the need I speak of is a deeper, burning desire. It resides inside us all, trying to break through to the surface in order to quench its daemonic thirst. Did I say thirst? Yes, I did, and not because I screwed up. Yes, I speak of that craving for the smooth, pure goodness of MILK!

Drink Milk, Suckahs!

Why Milk?

As you can tell from the picture, even the greatest people crave milk. And it is with the power of this heavenly substance that they grow so strong. Hence why Mr. T is stronger than your average hero. Only milk provides the strength, not to mention the pure badassness, that he needs. Everyone should follow his exalted example. How else, I ask, will we get our energy? Milk is healthy, tastes good, and gives GODLY POWERS! So next time you're thirsty, reach for an ice cold glass of milk!


Or a few dozen, depending..

Types Of Milk

There are many types of milk to be found. It is a sign of advancement for our civilisation that we can provide twenty (or more!) different types of milk. New weapons? Who needs 'em! We want more types of milk! But back to the point at hand. The ranges go from the butter-fat percentiles (2%, skim ..shuddder ..eeeevil, homo, etc.) to all the different flavours, such as chocolate, white and so forth. A good way to test your own strength is to check what the strongest milk you can stomach is. Skim, I've always insisted, is purely for wimps. That stuff's just food coloring and water, not proper milk. Indeed, I hardly even count this white water as 'milk'. On the other side of the scale, if you can drink Homo, then you are truly impressive. I myself have some difficulties digesting that strong brew, especially when there are chunks floating in it. Around the middle of the range (say 2%), is pretty good, and for the average pleasure drinker, the ideal. (Heh, you can probably guess my favorite percentage from that..)

There are also many different flavours of milk to be found, to suit anyone's taste. Generally, the two main ones are chocolate and white. However, in really strange and bizarre places, such as Aussie Land, you can purchase strawberry, and even banana flavoured milk! Now hold on one minute. This is not a good thing! This 'banana' flavoured milk is so souped up with flavourings and chemicals that it isn't even milk! The same goes for the strawberry stuff. Neither one can measure up to the real thing. Those two flavours are more like Yop than actual milk, and I'm sure we all know about the horror that is Yop. That said, however, chocolate milk is still good. At least, it can be. The only condition is that it's not Gary chocolate milk. I don't know who this Gary fellow is, but he sure doesn't make a good glass of milk. So, in conclusion, I'd have to say my preferred flavour would be white, although chocolate is worthy of the milk logo as well. (Except for Gary -- that's just worthy for the trash can.)


"Gimme a cold glass of milk. And make it white."

Quotes

The following are all quotes I've heard at one point or another, basically advertising milk. The sources vary, but the purpose is the same; to spread the word of this marvellous drink. Oh yeah, and some of these are dang funny, too!

    'How are you gonna spend your energy?'
    'Milk's so fresh, and Milk's so good.'
    'Got Milk?'
    'Milk: Legendary Stuff.'
    'Milk: Got enough Legendary Stuff?'
    'Drink Milk; Love Life.'
    'Drink Milk, Suckahs!'
    'Cafe au lait, hold the cafe.'

The Milkman

You may, at this point, be very entusiastic about getting into this Legendary stuff. But you also may be wondering, 'Just how do I get it?'. Well, my friend, that is simplicity itself. Most of the civilised world, these days, is blessed with the service of great people who not only wear cool hats, but also deliver this commodity of milk right to your doors! Yes, these people do indeed have one of the most exalted jobs you can get, and in my mind, they outstrip postmen ten fold! Why? Well, first of all, the milkmen wear cooler outfits. Just look at the bowtie. The bowtie! That almost gives it to them right there. But if that weren't enough, at least milkmen never get disgruntled and wreak nation-wide havoc. Well, at least, not very often.

Now that I've given you a little debriefing on the situation, perhaps you'll understand why Milk is much more important than love. But even if you don't understand this fact, I leave you with just one all-important question. Got enough Legendary Stuff?


"Excuse me, sir..I think you've had enough."

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