A Christmas Party has been set to take place at the Golden House of Father Princeton Shmedley. Somehow, through the use of bizarre magic, and even more excessive use of gold, Shmedley has managed to invite all the aforementioned characters to this party. Just for this occaison, his chefs have prepared a massive banquet (most of which Shmedley plans to eat himself), but as sometimes occurs, plans really SCREW UP. We join the characters as they all enter the Shmedley mansion.
MAZRUS: (wearing a Santa Hat) Welcome, distinguished guests. I am Mazrus, and I've been asked by Princeton to make sure everything goes smoothly today. Please come in, and I hope you enjoy the party.
MUSTACHIO: (Italieno) Muuuuusssstachio De Oranggggeeee!
SHMEDLEY: Welcome, all, to the house of gol..I mean, God. Make yourselves at home. In due time, we will eat the banquet I have prepared. For now, have a seat and eat crappy small sandwhiches.
BLAZE: Alright! Free FOOD! (being the destitute Fenixan he is, Blaze leaps forward and ambushes a tray of food)
GRANITE: BANGOO! (with that shout, Rock proceeds to sock Blaze and grab the tiny snacks.)
MAZRUS: Now, now, please form an orderly line.
LAMAYO: Who? Shmedley, where's the mayo?
THIBALDWORP: Mazrus, have I told you about that time I caught the Monster Salmon at Lake Winnabago?
SHMEDLEY: I'm sorry, Lamayo, but I don't have any mayo.
LAMAYO: Who?
ELFY: What?
LAMAYO: Elfy, do you have any mayo?
ELFY: What?
LAMAYO: Mayo. It's good. Do you have some?
ELFY: I don't get it.
MELITHANY: Shmedley, this affair is absolutely maarvelous. I really like the incredibly tiny one bite hors d'oeuvres.
MUSTACHIO: Hey, hey baby! Want to buy a premium quality orange?
SERPANT: Mustachio, why don't you sell me an orange?
MUSTACHIO: But...you're a..weird..lizard thingy..
ELFY: What?
SERPANT: I'm a BEAUTIFUL serpant!
MUSTACHIO: (blink) Muuuuussstaachiiiooo The Orrrannnnge!
BLAZE: (being beaten on by Rock) Owww! Hey! Somebody! Help! This guy's as big as a tree!
GRANITE: (eyes widen in rage) TRREEEEE! (with that he starts to mash Blaze into the ground. In retaliation, Blaze grabs a dead chicken and whaps Rock with it, to no visible effect)
SHMEDLEY: (shaking his paunch) Melithany, these sandwhiches are good, but they're a bit skimpy for me.
THIBALDWORP: That's because you're a big fat priest!
MELITHANY: Pish Posh! Shmedley is all muscle!
SHMEDLEY: Ho ho ho!
THIBALWORP: Have I told you two about the time I went ice fishing? Well, it was...(Thibaldworp drones on)
MAZRUS: Leave everything to me! I'll stop this fight! (Mazrus moves forward and places himself between Rock and Blaze. The two don't look pleased. In a flash of brillance, Blaze picks up a phone.)
BLAZE: Mazrus, it's for you!
MAZRUS: (takes the phone) Hello? Hello? Does this thing work?
LAMAYO: You're a big Barbarian. Where do you come from?
GRANITE: I come from a land (where I can suddenly get good grammar and vocabulary) where there are more rocks than you could carry in a single day.
LAMAYO: That's nice..So, you ever heard of MAYO?
SHMEDLEY: (holds a bottle of wine up to Mustachio) Would you like to try a sample of my new wine?
MUSTACHIO: I would like to drink ALL your wine!
SERPANT: We should get some country music going, so I can dance.
ELFY: What?
SHMEDLEY: Perhaps Thibaldworp (who is still talking about fishing) would like some wine?
MUSTACHIO: Hey Melithany! I like your..outfit! For someone dressed like that, I can give you discounts on oranges.
MELITHANY: Why, Mustachio, I'm not wearing anything....unusual.
(Meanwhile, across the room, Blaze is plotting his terrifying revenge against Granite, who is currently talking to Lamayo about Mayo.)
BLAZE: Hahah! I'm gonna turn this lamp into a weapon of mass destruction!
(Without warning, one of the guests suddenly reaches up and pokes Mustachio in the eyes.)
SCARFACE: EYEGOUGE!
MAZRUS: (putting down the phone) I've heard rumours that the evil Scarface may be showing up here.
SERPANT: He's right there!
LAMAYO: Who?
ELFY: What?
MAZRUS: I will get him!
SCARFACE: Not a chance! Nya! I'm out of here! (With that, Scarface runs out the door, never to return, during the course of this story anyway.)
SHMEDLEY: Mustachio! Are you alright? That's Terryble. Well, to make you all feel better, why don't you eat that special banquet I had prepared? (Grins all around, especially on the face of the chubby Shmedley)
BLAZE: Hey! The banquet table's empty? Where's the food?
SHMEDLEY: Gasp! It's been stolen!
LAMAYO: Did you say..stolen?
MAZRUS: Who could have committed such a heinous deed?
THIBALDWORP: Certain Fat-Priests near you, I suspect.
MELITHANY: You're lyyyying. Why would Shmedley steal his own meal?
LAMAYO: Sounds like it's time for some..detecting. Don't worry, I'll solve this mystery!
GRANITE: Only a TREE could've done this!
BLAZE: Hey, I may be a crazy thief, but I ain't no..umm..nevermind.
LAMAYO: Silence. The master's investigating this. Lemme examine the clues.
MAZRUS: (baffled) What clues?
LAMAYO: (taking out his magnifying glass, Lamayo begins to examine the banquet table. After a while, he straightens and faces the others. They all wait in silence for his findings.) The table..has nothing on it!
MELITHANY: We already knew that, you wishy-washy detective!
LAMAYO: Is Rockford here again?
SHMEDLEY: This is a tragedy. You should all go now. It doesn't look like we're gonna be able to solve this crime.
(With that, all the guests swiftly walk away, with the notable exceptions of Mustachio, Lamayo and Elfy. Mustachio, simply because he does not walk, but instead crawls, moaning all the while. Lamayo continues to poke around, and Elfy just looks confused.)
Blaze Dor Fenixa was one helluva crazy Fenixan (or so I gather), and like so many from that race, resembled to some degree Goku from Dragon Ball Z. Blaze was known for being crazy, acting insane, and having no money. In most cases, these things are almost synonyms of each other; such it was with Blaze. I believe he wore sunglasses and was very greasy. At one point, he was known for obtaining the first hover board in the spherus galaxy. Since that time, these devices have appeared many-a-time. Oh, he has also been known to spout some nonsense about German Moe, a talking watch with no beard. Long ago, Blaze had been trained by the expert driver, Speed Racer. Sadly, although he was spectacular behind the wheel, Speed Racer was no fighter, and thus was killed by an angry biker gang. There is more madness that can be credited to Blaze, but I've written enough.
Mustachio The Orange did not actually look like an orange. Nor did he have any beard, mustache or goatee. In fact, I don't think he had any facial hair at all. Therefore, people would often be confused, and even baffled, by his name. Mustachio was incredibly greasy and smooth, and also a very powerful wizard. He is known to have helped one Vic Hedges sell sub-standard oranges to the people spanning the globe. Another rumour is that Mustachio has joined the giant Dole fruit army, and is aiding them in their constant struggles agains the heroic Delmonte fruit corporation. He is also said to be a famous pirate; however, rumour states that he never actually shows up to help his pirate mateys. Most importantly, Mustachio The Orange is well renowned for yelling his own name with an outrageous Italieno accent.
Little is known about the one called Elfy , aside from the obvious fact that he was an elf. I believe he also had a rusty sword, and never knew what was going on. I don't think he ever actually used his short sword in combat, or did anything useful, for that matter. But therein lay his true might; at times, one could even forget that Elfy was there! Hence why he was an excellent thief. In fact, I think he did rob some Dole agents at one point or another. Fear the power of Elfy!
Most people who visit this page should already have heard tales of the great detective Lamayo Dor Lorac. Indeed, he is one of the most celebrated characters on this page! And to the right, we see Lamayo's cheap imitation gold magnifying glass. This item actually had the capibility to fire a small laser doing an insignificant amount of damage to his enemies. Contrary to false opinions, Lamayo was not actually a very good detective, and it showed; he would much rather eat a jar of mayo then attempt to solve a crime. Still, everyone's gotta make a living somehow. Lamayo was known throughout his neighborhood for speaking in a very strange voice, and for ignoring anyone who didn't address him in the same way. It is also said that this rumpled detective is one of the only men that Mr. T almost fears. An impressive statement, no less.
To one side of this blurb is a statue of the one and only man with the gold, Princeton Shmedley. Shmedley was a fat priest who enjoyed good rich cuisine, and of course, huge stacks of gold coins. Well, less of the former and more of the latter, acturally. He was known for often claiming to have 'all the gold'. He certainly did possess quite a bit of the world's supply, and had used it to build a house entirely out of gold. Shmedley was also the owner of a sprouting vintage of wine, 'Shmedley Fields: The Taste Of Gold'. His only rival in the wine industry was one Quinton Figgley, and as yet, the victor of the vineyard match has not been decided.
Originating from the savage world of Dortal, I present Granite Dor Dortal. He was a huge barbarian from the 'Rock Tribe', a group of savages who worshipped rocks. When a young member of the tribe was born, he was designated as a 'Pebble'. As one grew older, one slowly graduated to be a 'Stone'. Most of the tribe would stop at that level, but the exceptionally strong, such as Granite, would seek to become a 'Rock'. In order to achieve this, they must be able to wear a solid rock barret on their heads at all times. The step above 'Rock' is near legendary; very few barbarians are ever strong enough to become a 'Boulder'. 'Boulders' must wear huge rock mushroom hats and be extraordinarily powerful to do so. Granite was one of the few of his tribe to ever graduate to that level. As such, Granite worshipped all rocks of any type. However, on the contrary, he felt only contempt for the weak 'Trees'. Indeed, for all of this tribe, Trees are the ultimate weakness, and to be accused of being a Tree is the gravest insult imaginable. Granite was known for shouting just such an insult at his enemies as he 'SPLINTERED' them. Oh yeah, he also had adopted a little orphan kid named 'Bangoo'. He would often shout that name in the heat of battle as well.
Hailing from the world of Deksiil was the young woman called Melithany Dor Deksiil. She was an aristocratic and very snobby woman, who was also, coincidently, a master with the powerful Ziekfird blade. She was quite rich, and really only respected the wealthy. In most cases, she was most concerned about her appearance and whether her hair was 'just right'. However, Melithany hailed from a dark past and was infact an adopted child, after her parents had been viciously murdered. And although she appeared a upper-class namby-pamby foo', she was actually just manipulating things to her advantage. Truth was, she merely enjoyed playing the part of the foolish aristocracy.
Generally, she could just buy herself into whatever position she wanted. Oh yeah, did I mention that she was an expert space pilot? Probably not. She was well known for using many high class expressions, such as 'Pish-Posh' etc. The picture to the left isn't very exact, but it's the best that I could find. Sadly, I couldn't think of a way to represent her as a fruit, like I did Mustachio. But, I believe she did wear purple at one point, and she sure as hell had a sword, so I guess it's good enough.
Thibaldworp was a halfling mage who was pretty much a jack-of-many trades. But of them all, fishing was his prime passion. Over the years, he had become known throughout the world as 'The Bassmaster', and one of the greatest fishermen who ever lived. At one point, around Lake Winnabago, he even caught the Monster Salmon, which was almost twice his own diminutive size. However, fishing wasn't the only skill Thibaldworp possessed. He could also spin around very quickly and change costumes, along with a different hairstyle for each one. Thibaldworp was also a brillant chef, and knew dozens of ways to cook the fish he caught. When he was young, Thibaldworp was also rumoured to have become an Admiral in the U.S. (Unusually Strong) Navy, which was actually very weak.
One of the more unusual characters was The Serpant. Yes, I know it's a very strange name. This Serpant was actually a female, and was deformed into looking like a walking lizard, complete with electric shocking tail! Of course, the Serpant could also speak telepathically, and wore normal human clothes. Apparently, she was very beautiful..for a deformed lizard-thingy. She also packed a mean bite, which could kill most normal people in short order. The Serpant worked as a mechanic, and lived in Hick-ville, where she could often go and Ho-Down. Usually, she would hide her tail in her backpack, so as to look more..normal?
To your left, you can see my one character addition to this Surprise. The feller in the green armour (ignore the yellow guy for now) is my own character, Mazrus Dor Armoria. I believe I've already mentioned a few of his exploits elsewhere on the site, so I'll make this short. Mazrus was an Armorian superhero who fought against the black tides of evil and corruption. He was also a really nice and honorable goody two-shoes. Also, at one point, he even wore a bowler hat! Enough on Mazrus, let me just say that the fellow in the yellow armor is none other than the great hero, 'Armorian Buddy'! You're honored to behold him, I'm sure..