Before you even became a wrestler, you worked for the original WWF. In your opinion, the true WWF. (Most common people would know this as the World Wildlife Foundation.) You were always particularly sympathetic to snakes, who were almost extinct at some points. Thanks to your hardworking canvassing, you were able to save the breed of snakes known as the 'Deviously Suspicious Snakes'. Naturally, you took the opportunity to adopt one such snake, who you have carried around on your shoulders for years. You have affectionately named him 'Snappy', because you often threaten to throw him at your opponents in the ring.
Speaking of which, the true reason you got into professional wrestling was for the rather large salary. With this, you were confident you would be able to make still bigger donations to the Wildlife Federation. When you first met Vince McMahon (the owner of the WWF), at a cheap pasta joint, called Pasta Fantasta, on your home block, you impressed him with your suspicious mannerisms, because you kept threatening him with your dinner spoon. It paid off large dividends, as he made you into the infamous wrestler you are today.
That was a few years ago, and since then, you've been beaten up by all the greats. You're really not a very good wrestler, but thanks to your constant brandishing of your snake and your dire threats of using deadly foreign objects, you became a quick crowd favorite. Now, whenever something goes wrong, people automatically suspect you. Like one year ago, for instance, at the Styrofoam match. This match was a new type of battle in which the objective was to throw your opponents into a pile of styrofoam for the countdown. Things started out fairly typical. You jumped into the ring, promptly got bashed by Hulk Hogan, and ended up in a heap on the floor of the ring. Next thing you know, Razor Ramon tossed Disco Inferno into the styrofoam, followed by the gargantuan Andre The Giant. As could be expected, Disco Inferno was badly injured, and the match had to be stopped. Despite the fact that it was clearly Ramon's fault, you were widely blamed for the incident, wrestlers at the scene claiming you had 'sabotaged' the styrofoam.
Yes, whenever a water cooler is empty, or the bathroom needs cleaning, people automatically look to you as the culprit. And you don't shirk from the responsibility. After all, even negative fame is better than no fame, and you want to maintain your salary for as long as possible.
Lately, there's been a crisis in the conservation world. Apparently, the common Gopher has become an endangered species, due to the obnoxious farmers who have taken to hunting them by the hundred. If you are to save these much-needed animals, you'll need extra donations for the Wildlife Foundation. A lot of these wrestlers have a lot of money, so they might be willing to donate some. However, you don't want anyone to find out who your secret employers are, for if word got out for that, your reputation would be ruined, and your job would be lost.
Money: $100
Wrestling: 4
Items: 'Snappy', your pet snake.
2 - Animal Magnetism: Jake the Snake is instinctively liked by any and all animals, due to the experience gleaned from his years of protecting and working for the true WWF. As such, he may basically command any animal to do anything he wants. (This includes his snake, which explains why he, and only he, can use this creature as a foreign object). Infininte uses.
2 - Don't get arrested. This would obviously foil your plans to gain donations and such. Note that this goal must be somehow accomplished in conjunction with #1.
3 - Never actually use a foreign object in the Ring, but threaten to do so on multiple occasions.
4 - Get donations for the World Wildlife Foundation, without revealing that you work for them. (You'll have to think of some other suspicious story for this one!)
Macho Man Randy Savage: This hulking wrestler is one of two set to fight in the finals tomorrow. He is one of the wrestlers that customarily beat you up in the ring. You've heard he used to work as a military scientist or something, but got fired. You suspect he blames you for that, as he should.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: This S.O.B. has never seemed to be intimidated by your threats. It's almost as if he didn't understand the ramifications of what you were saying to him. He's also one of the finalists, and though you've never faced him the ring, you're sure you could beat him with the few tricks you have up your sleeve.
Hulk Hogan: This was the traditional goody-two-shoes who always beat you up in the ring. He always accused you of cheating, and even of once stealing the remains of his shirt after he ripped it off. However, he is a really kind guy, so he might be willing to donate something to your masters at W.W.F.
Razor Ramon: This Latino wrestler used to be rich, but you recently heard that he won an appearance on the Wheel Of Misfortune. He'll probably accuse you of being responsible for that, and if he doesn't, some cryptic comments on your part might convince him to do so. Since he's now poor, he probably wouldn't be willing to donate anything to your cause.
Brett The Hitman Hart: A professional wrestler, who always beats you up for the all the right reasons. You've often threatened to steal his constantly worn sunglasses, but naturally, you've never come through with it.
Ultimate Warrior: This wild and uncontrollable wrestler has been at the sidelines for a while. He hasn't wrestled for quite some time, but when he heard you threatening to hit Hulk Hogan on the head with a lead pipe, he afterwards came up and offered to let you purchase said article. Naturally you refused, but he keeps pestering you to buy something illegal.
Ted Dibiase: The Million Dollar Man was also one of the original villains. He's offered to pay you off numerous times if you simply pull out your oft-mentioned gun and shoot your opponents. Of course, you've never been paid, mainly 'cause you've never shot anyone. Still, a man with money might be willing to donate, if it's for a proper investment.
IRS: This tax collector/wrestler probably suspects that you don't pay your income taxes or something. In truth, you always are very reliable at paying both your income tax, and your water bills (some tax they put on water).
The Undertaker: This gothic wrestler also acts really suspicious. He constantly hangs around in a long black coat and hat, and measures people. You've made it your priority to occasionally hang out near him and act even more suspicious. After all, you don't want Vince to replace you with him!
Disco Inferno: This retro wrestler probably suspects that you were the one who brought down the mighty disco era. However, he's one of the few wrestlers you can actually beat in a fair fight, and since you don't fight any other way…
Andre The Giant: This giant wrestler would probably blame you if the party ran out of food before he was finished eating. And with him, that would be a capital offence. Still, he's a friend of the Hulk, and therefore must be a namby-pamby goody-goody.
Yokozuna: This Japanese sumo wrestler has sure been flashing around a lot of yen while he's been here. From what you've seen, he has several thousand. The yen must be a powerful currency these days, so you would love it if you could get him to donate some to you. And he may be your perfect target, 'cause he doesn't seem to speak english very well.
Shawn Michaels: The Heartbreak kid has never been your friend. Not only has he accused you of ruining his expensive clothing (which he himself did, by spilling coffee on it), he's also voiced his suspicions that you've stolen numerous of his girlfriends. (Not that you could! They all suspect that you're just after their money!)
Vince McMahon: The owner of the WWF has always admired your style. You've seen him using baseless threats of his own, so he must really idolise you! If you're looking for money, he'd be one of the first to ask. However, if he found out you're mixed up with the other WWF, you would be in serious danger of losing your job.
Jesse The Body Ventura: A wrestler turned politician, you heard from a contact that one of his campaign platforms would be to arrest you on the spot, under the pretext that acting suspicious is surely a crime.
The Ref: This same referee has been with the Federation since it was originally formed. He hates anyone using foreign objects, so you know that he has problems with you. However, he has yet to come up with any evidence of your crimes, and since there isn't any, he probably never will.
Tina Mint: Shawn Michaels' latest girlfriend. To you, she just looks suspicious. Although, really, she probably views you much the same way.
Monette Acre: Vince's wife. You figure she must have access to the McMahon fortune, and since women always love 'cute fuzzy animals', you might be able to get some donations from her.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: A rich aristocratic socialite, supposedly from England. However, being an expert in terms of suspicion, you find her accent suspicious as well. Seems to you like she sounds more like an American trying to sound English. That's not important though. Like Monette Acre, she's rich and is a woman, therefore a prime target.
Jim Rockford: A private detective?! You've run into Rockford before, in connection to some money embezzling case. You were the chief suspect for awhile, until he discovered that you were in Botswana at the time, saving some snakes. Could he suspect you once more of a devious crime?
Simon: Some poor shmoe who just wandered in. Still, it's suspicious that Vince would let someone like him in, seeing as how he seems to have nothing to do whatsoever with the final tomorrow. Aside from a being a rabid Stone Cold fan, that is.
You used to be a sub-average wrestler, who basically was there to take the dive against any and all popular opponents. Why, they even let Shawn Michaels' one-time girlfriend, Candy, beat the living daylights out of you. However, you did have a couple edges over the common macho grunt wrestlers. Unlike them, you looked exceptional in a well-pressed suit. (You made it one of your wrestling trademarks, and it quickly got you identified as someone who's smart, 'cause suits look very professional when compared to speedos.) Another advantage was your incredible eloquence. Your speeches were full of passion, impeccable grammar (not common in the WWF) and a vocabulary that included words with well over three syllables.
In those days, you featured in a lot of WWF special interviews, which were amazingly popular. A wrestler who could actually talk without just making rash threats was rare, and of them, you were the best. One such interview, right before the new styrofoam theme match was introduced is what shaped your present career. One of the reporters asking questions was none other than Jason Moscovitz, an intelligent political analyst who saw your potential in the political world right off the get-go.
So, after this successful interview, he approached you and offered to be your campaign manager if you ran for governor of Minnesota. When he explained to you that politics was almost the same as wrestling, but with less rules, no mercy, no holds barred..and no beating up your opponent (something you were never the best at anyways), you agreed readily to leave the world of wrestling and become a free-talking politician. It turned out that you got out of the WWF just in time, because the Styrofoam match was a disaster. Disco Inferno, another prop wrestler, was almost killed when Razor Ramon threw him into a pile of styrofoam, and next thing you knew, Andre was on top of him. For this incident, the WWF received large amounts of criticism, but thanks to your political coaching (along with advice from Jason Moscovitz), you convinced Vince to discontinue this type of matches.
Your campaign has been running smoothly for the past year. Some of your political strategies (as suggested by Jason) are to appear on the News as often as possible, and to use threats in all your political speeches. The former of the two is one Jason is quite experienced with; he's always on the news, doing weather, sports, political analysing, movie reviews. According to him, it doesn't matter what he's doing on the news, so long as he gets the air-time. In this game, quite literally, popularity is based on fame. The latter technique is one you came up with yourself, drawn from the lingo of your wrestling days. In these speeches, you often threaten that you 'will destroy your enemies in the ring! They don't stand a chance! I'm going to kill them!'.
The platform you and Jason came up with is also a key to success. All your political ideas have been recorded in the 'Little Green Book', one of your old school scribblers of 25 pages. 12 of them are blank. All the same, this book has been mass-produced and now is on sale for $9.95 at all major retailers. It topped the best-selling charts last week, and Jason Moscovitz rated it on prime time News as a short but brillant literary work.
Despite the sales of your book, you still need to gain more money for your campaign. This wrestling party should be a good chance to canvas for cash from some of your old friends. Also, this could be a good chance to get some publicity of any sort. After all, any news, be it good or bad, is better for your position than no news. And the election is coming soon.
Money: $ 1200
Wrestling: 5
Items: Little Green Book, Cell phone with Jason Moscovitz on speed-dial.
1 - Long-winded speeches: With this power, Jesse starts making a long political speech in the middle of a match (an impressive feat), which promptly bores his target to sleep. This effectively ends the match as a draw, and the other wrestler sleeps for five minutes or until someone wakes him up. 2 uses.
2 - Confusing political platform: Using his threatening speech capabilities to full effect, Jesse uses his knowledge of political jargon and 3+ syllable words to completely confuse his target about his true political platform and ideas. Thus, he convinces them to donate 25% of their total wealth to his campaign, if this is not averse to that character's goals. 2 uses
1 - Get as much media coverage as you possibly can! It doesn't matter how you get it, so long as you're on the air as long as possible. There must be someone from the media here!
2 - Make as many political speeches as you can, in order to inform the public on your political platform and plans.
3 - Get some campaign funding from some of the wrestlers with lots of money. Hopefully, your prime target will be Ted Dibiase, the Million Dollar Man.
4 - Get the wrestlers to vote for you. The election's coming soon, and Jason says it's fine to build your support one voter at a time. It doesn't matter that these guys aren't in your jurisdiction; if they commit to vote for you, then all their followers will do so too.
Macho Man Randy Savage: This guy was one of your former wrestling buddies, even though he constantly beat you up. Getting this guy to vote for you would make a lot of fans (particularly of the female variety) vote for you as well.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: This obnoxious jerk is really popular right now, so much as you might hate to do so, making him a campaign mascot might not be a bad idea. Because after all, Jason always says that sometimes a Politician has to appease the fans, even under great physical discomfort (like working with this clown).
Hulk Hogan: Another of your old cronies, this guy was always renowned for being the 'Good Guy'. You and him got on while together, although lately, he's been getting less and less popular. Although you used to be friends, he probably wouldn't approve of your new-found political tricks and ideals.
Razor Ramon: This greasy latino is the one who almost killed Disco Inferno in that Styrofoam match that you narrowly avoided being a part of. He was never one for talking much, and as such, you never really got along with him too well. His basic speeches consisted of merely, 'Hey Chico!'. Still, he's got a lot of gold hanging around his greasy neck.
Brett The Hitman Hart: This professional wrestler is akin to you in that he's actually got a good vocabulary and makes lots of speeches about the true stories behind wrestling. He might actually be politically informed though, which could cause problems for you.
Ultimate Warrior: This wrestler is wild and out of control! He's taken to wearing a poncho all the time recently, you're not quite sure why. He never used to wear one, but now he's never seen without it at anytime.
Ted Dibiase: Perhaps your main source of funding is the Million Dollar Man. He too looks very handsome in a suit, so perhaps you can use that to your advantage. Some phony political promises could earn vast returns from Ted, the original WWF villain.
IRS: This guy, who used to be a mediocre wrestler, is now a government tax collector! You've been cutting a few deals with the tax departments (like having them drastically overtax Tommy Shanks for the 'bed tax', the tax for people who sleep in beds. This is the main reason you always sleep on a wooden board. That, and it strengthens your spine). Since the tax people have always been so co-operative, maybe you could once again form a deal.
Jake The Snake: This low-down cheater shouldn't be on the streets. One of the key policies in the 'Little Green Book' is that Jake The Snake would be arrested on sight, under the assumption that anyone who acts this suspicious must have done something bad. These people belong in an institute, just like former Governor Tommy Shanks.
The Undertaker: A dark and mysterious wrestler, one who never really associated with you. However, a lot of the crazy Texans support this guy because of his hat and coat, so getting his support wouldn't be a bad idea. Strangely, you suspect this guy would look good in a suit.
Disco Inferno: A weak wrestler, used purely for boosting up others' reputations when they inevitably beat him. Since he's so terrible though, you doubt it really helps at all. Here's one guy whose vote you DON'T want. He would scare away all your other voters with his strange preferences for disco music and the old disco walk.
Andre The Giant: This guy's a big wrestler who eats lots of food. He used to be a friend of the Hulk's, but lately you've noticed some animosity between the two of them. You've also noticed that he's seemed to ignore you ever since you went into politics.
Yokozuna: You don't want the vote of a Japanese monster like him! He's a foreigner, and not worthy of supporting you. However, in terms of funds, he has been showing around all this yen he has. It must be worth a lot, since Japan makes all the kimonos people wear.
Shawn Michaels: You've always resented that this flaky two-bit wrestler is more popular than you are. The only time he can speak semi-coherently is when he's flirting with a woman. Clearly, this guy was only hired for his looks. It would certainly cause some publicity if his precious face was somehow… damaged.
Vince McMahon: The owner of the WWF, and dominating ruler of the wrestlers within. When you were actually a wrestler there, you despised his callous greedy attitudes. But now that you're a politician, you respect him as a true marketing genius. And a little flattery couldn't hurt in terms of campaign funds. And hey, if this guy said so, all the wrestlers would vote for you!
The Ref: This guy's never been your friend. He has been in the WWF from the beginning, and thus has seniority over almost anyone. You got really annoyed when he even gave Candy, one of Shawn Michaels' girlfriends, an unfair advantage while fighting you (he hit you in the back of the head, when you weren't looking.)
Tina Mint: Shawn Michaels' current girlfriend. You detest her simply because she would hang out with a two-timing fop like Shawn. But hey, you're willing to take any support you can get, even if it's from someone uneducated like her. Especially if it's from someone unversed in politics completely.
Monette Acre: Vince McMahon's current wife, and a woman to be reckoned with. Although you could probably get some funds out of her, she seems like one tough lady!
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: Now this Socialite from your home state of Minnesota (you believe) is someone you've got to talk with. She's rich, and hey, she might spread the word of your great politics throughout her upper class circles.
Jim Rockford: Some low-down broke detective. You're not too concerned about him, although his presence here is kinda baffling.
Simon: Who is this guy? You can think of no explanation for his presence, unless… he is the reporter who's gone under cover to report this event. In which case, you wanna talk to him as much as possible.