Wrestler Backgrounds
Ultimate Warrior -- I.R.S.
The Ultimate Warrior
"The Ul----timate Warr----ior!"
"The Ul----timate Warr----ior!"
It all started a few years back when you were on one of your customary trips to Mexico to pick up a refill of your traditional warrior face-paint. Mexico is a bit far afield, but the money you saved there was well worth it. While you were there, you got in a fight with a bunch of Banditos who thought you were easy prey merely because you were not Mexican. Needless to say, you beat them all soundly, and searched the corpses. On the leader of the band, you found an incredibly high quality poncho, which you still wear to this day.
There are several reasons why this poncho is so valuable. The first is that it is, of course, worth a lot of money. Also, it has many hidden pockets on the inside, which are almost undetectable unless you know where to look. In your line of work, these proved almost invaluable. Because of the above reasons, you never take off your poncho (even when you sleep, though you almost never do that). If anyone above the wire ever discovered the contents of your poncho, they'd lock you up and eat the key.
This new policy of always wearing the poncho has caused you some problems lately. The main one of which is The Ref. This powerful man referees all the wrestling matches that take place in the WWF and doesn't care for foul play. He also doesn't want wrestlers to wear ponchos, or anything similar, in a match. This has caused many arguments between the two of you, and you once even lost your temper and beat him up. Ever since then, he's nursed a grudge against you, and you suspect he's told Vince that you're not above board. You figure he must have told Vince something, anyway, since you've been getting slated in progressively less matches lately.
Without the income provided by the wrestling, you needed to get into a new business. And there was only a vacant role for you to fill. Often, wrestlers use a little 'illegal' help to win particularly tough matches, and you're always willing to give them that edge. So, you started peddling your foreign objects to the other wrestlers, and have been making a tidy profit in the process. You've even set up a network to help you quickly obtain said commodities.
The head of your current network is a local tough by the name of Sonny. He's an expert at obtaining various items, especially lead pipes. You're not sure quite where he gets them, but you don't really care so long as the quality remains stable. It seems like the Ref might suspect you of selling foreign objects. Being the strict fellow he is, you can bet that he's against this sort of thing. But, even if it means getting rid of the Ref, you intend to continue selling your ill-gotten foreign objects, as the profits are very good.
This party is the night before the finals, and probably a good time to peddle your wares. Getting caught would be bad, but the risks aren't high, and people would probably be willing to pay for a foreign object that would help them out in the big final tomorrow. All these objects are stored in your poncho, so you're always careful to wear it at any and all times.
Foreign Objects/Value(what you paid for them)
Knife/$30
Revolver/$100
Lead Pipe/$15
Chain/$20
Sledge Hammer/$50
Wrench/$40
Flame Thrower/$300
Skateboard/ (you found it on your way here, so it was free)
1 - Sneaky Salesmanship: From his vast wealth of sales experience, the Ultimate Warrior can trick one person into paying up to $50 dollars more than they bargained for (assuming they have that much cash left), by hitting them with a 'hidden' sales tax and the charge for transportation. 3 uses
1 - Never take off your poncho, no matter who tells you to do so.
2 - Sell foreign objects to as many people as possible, and make as much money out of it as you can.
3 - Get rid of the Ref. You can't kill him ('cause you're a thief, but you're no murderer), but Vince is his boss. There must be some way to get him fired.
Macho Man Randy Savage: This guy is one of the finalists, set to fight for the heavyweight title. As such, you might be able to convince him to invest in a little professional 'help'. However, you believe he might be one of those stubborn fools that don't believe they need an edge to win. His opponent is Stone Cold, who has quite a reputation, so maybe you can convince him otherwise.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: This obnoxious wrestler is also in the final. He has an intimidating reputation, but you've seen him in action, and he needs all the help he can get. You don't care if he wins, so long as you get rich in the process.
Hulk Hogan: This wrestler is known as the proverbial 'Good Guy' wrestler, and would probably attempt to shut down your illegal activities (assuming he knew about them). Might be better to avoid him if you can.
Razor Ramon: The "bad guy" is one of the most formidable wrestlers, and has been a patron of yours for quite some time (only for toothpicks and gold chains, mind you). But lately, he seems to have gone into a peaceful stage. You haven't seen him fight for months.
Brett The Hitman Hart: This serious wrestler has never been a customer of yours, since he truly doesn't need the help you can provide.
Ted Dibiase: This guy's known as the Million Dollar Man, and you hear he has even less morals than you. If you could only convince him to buy some stuff, you could probably overcharge him horribly and he would still pay. Rich guys are like that sometimes…
IRS: This government tax collector/wrestler is definitely someone you don't want to meet close up. All your weapons dodge all the taxes, and you routinely skip your own income tax. He's not much of a wrestler, so his presence here is somewhat worrying…
Jake The Snake: Despite always being accused of cheating and acting very suspicious, Jake has never once bought a foreign object from you.
The Undertaker: This dark wrestler was customarily the winner of the frequent tombstone matches, and though he's tried to buy coffins from you in the past, you don't deal in that sort of thing.
Disco Inferno: Now here's a pathetic wrestler who could really use some of your products! However, since he's so terrible, you doubt if he can afford anything you offer.
Andre The Giant: The Giant has been a wrestler longer than you have, and is also known as something of a goody-two-shoes. Approaching him with your wares probably would not be wise.
Yokozuna: This Japanese wrestler keeps showing off his large amounts of yen. (Several THOUSAND, you heard) Japan is a powerful country and must have a good currency. He has money, so if you pitch it right, you could end up with a lot of yen.
Shawn Michaels: This guy is in the wrestling business only as a poster boy and not really for the wrestling. If you dealt in designer clothing, you'd probably make a bundle from him. But as it is, the only thing you're likely to get from him are criticisms of your poncho.
Vince McMahon: This massive capitalist owns the entire WWF, and makes major profits! He might not approve of your illegal actions, but then again, he likes lots of intrigue in his matches. It brings in the fans, or so he says.
Jesse The Body Ventura: Hmm, bargaining with this former wrestler could be a problem. He's a politician, and therefore a very shrewd and competent salesman himself. You're not sure why he'd need foreign objects, but you never know.
The Ref: This guy is definitely part of the steadily diminishing old-school of wrestling. He likes his fights fair, monitored and no foul play. He's been against you from the beginning of your operation, and you want to get rid of him as soon as possible. You've heard some other wrestlers complaining about the Ref, and with enough leverage, you're sure he could be fired.
Tina Mint: This is the latest in Sean Michael's long list of girlfriends who hang off his shoulder. You're not in the habit of selling to women, but if they have the money, you don't have a problem with it. Motives aren't important, just the profits.
Monnette Acre: This lady is Vince's wife. You've heard she's had a few disputes with her husband, so maybe she needs a little extra 'firepower'. Being Vince's wife, she must be rich.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: This English socialite is rich, and though you can't think why she'd want to, you instinctively want to sell her things.
Jim Rockford: What's a professional detective doing here? You've got a bad feeling about him. Could he be somehow on your trail? Better steer clear of him.
Simon: Some skid who keeps showing off his Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt. Those shirts aren't cheap, so he must have a bit of moolah.
At least, that's the way it used to be. Back in those old days, your job was more important than that of the wrestlers at the time. You were there when Hogan lost to Mr. T in Wrestlemania 1. You made the call to end the ridiculous styrofoam match after Razor Ramon almost killed Disco Inferno. Despite having more influence in the ring than anyone, you were paid far less than even the aforementioned Disco Inferno, a wrestler with a disturbing lack of anything remotely resembling skill.
These new age matches aren't so hot, though. It's all become pretty much politics; the better wrestler (or, more likely, the ones you preferred) don't always win anymore. All that Vince, your boss, really cares about now are the profit margins. Whatever brings in the crowds, he'll do. Lately, that seems to involve beating up and injuring the Ref in nasty ways.
Had you asked earlier, say a few years ago, you probably could've gotten a raise. You know that if you asked now, the answer would definitely be no. Your post seems to be becoming redundant, and you prefer to hang low and just stick around as long as you can. However, you also must be sure to referee every match, to prove what an essential component you are to the WWF.
Perhaps you're just too much into the old-school style of wrestling, but you still believe that wrestling should be fair, in so far as the participants are concerned. You don't like any flabby costumes, because they both are a degradation to the industry, and because it's easy to hide foreign objects within, another thing you can't stand. If the fight is won, it should either be by skill or by your intervention, NOT by foreign objects. You've been having this problem with the Ultimate Warrior lately. He chronically refuses to remove his poncho before his matches, and tensions have been running high. You also suspect he is peddling foreign objects, but you've got no proof of that as yet.
In terms of this dilemma, you've already talked to Vince about it, and frankly, he doesn't seem to be too worried about it. He has been giving the Warrior less air-time, which is definitely a good thing. However, that seems to be a growing trend lately, as your air-time has also been rapidly decreasing. Gone are the days when wrestling was merely matches; the days have now arrived when complex interviews, commentary, and locations shots have replaced some fights. Consequently, you don't have as much reffing to do, and are paid less.
Money is an issue of great concern to you. You're not concerned at all with accepting a few bribes. The titles are usually a pretty good time to make money, especially if one of the finalists wants some help, and who knows what other matches might occur. After all, anything in the ring is legal if you declare it so, 'cause you're the Ref, and you call all the shots.
1 - Calling the shots: From his years of experience in the ring, the Ref has learned that he can easily determine the outcome of a match by calling the shots in someone's favor. This gives the desired combatant a +2 to their wrestling score. 4 uses
1 - In order to pay for your life-insurance policy, you must make as much money as you possibly can. (Selling your services in a match is always a good method…)
2 - Don't allow any foreign objects in the ring at anytime! You should be the one to determine the outcome of a match, not some random item.
3 - Don't let there be any fights that you do not watch. You must make yourself seem important and useful to the WWF, so if there's a wrestling match, you gotta be there.
4 - Get the Ultimate Warrior to take off his poncho. This one's personal…
Stone Cold Steve Austin: This new-age obnoxious wrestler has beaten you up a couple times in the ring. He's a crappy wrestler, but very popular, and Vince probably would've fired you had you fought back. He kept talking about the Stunner he gave you, which was almost (but not quite) painful. He's one of the worst wrestlers you've ever seen.
Hulk Hogan: The incredible Hulkster is another rabid fellower of the Old-school ways, even more so than you. He actually seems to believe that the best wrestler should win the belt, as opposed to the one you favor the most. Still, he's a good wrestler, one of the very best around, and he never cheats by bringing in foreign objects or wearing concealing clothing. (The shirt he sometimes does wear is always ripped off before any match).
Razor Ramon: This brainless latino has always ignored your calls, and frequently disobeys your whistle. He once even knocked you down with a blast of raw machismo, an act you'll never forgive. Sadly, he's still such a good wrestler that he always wins any match he fights in. But using your influence with Vince, and some fake popularity charts, you've managed to get him almost off the air.
Brett The Hitman Hart: Another good wrestler, the Hitman is known by everyone as very professional. In some ways, you're surprised he didn't make it into the final match. Your only problem here is the funny sunglasses he wears, which you think shouldn't be allowed in the ring.
Ultimate Warrior: Your arch nemisis has long been the Ultimate Warrior! Uncontrollable and unrestrained, he is a wild card in any match he participates in. He once even beat you up when you insisted he remove his poncho before a match.
Ted Dibiase: This guy's known as the Million Dollar Man, and despite the fact he's a wrestler, you've never actually seen him in action. And since you've at least witnessed every match ever held in the WWF…
IRS: This guy's a sub-average wrestler, but a keen tax-collector! You suspect he might be on your case for the strange inflows that occasionally come in on your account.
Jake The Snake: Untrustworthy scoundrel. Those words describe this despicable wrestler completely. He always acts as if he has a foreign object up his sleeve, or two, and it sometimes looks as if he would throw that stupid snake around his shoulders at someone. Despite all this, you've never caught him doing anything underhanded, but you're positive it's only a matter of time.
The Undertaker: You've never liked the new-style matches that keep popping up. Whatever happened to good old pin matches of yore, and the simple great tagteams! This creep always participated in and won the Coffin matches, something you don't respect him for, because these matches were harder for you to skew.
Disco Inferno: His theme song is more important to him than his prowess in wrestling! That says a lot about him, and none of it good.
Andre The Giant: This guy's a good quality old wrestler. He never did anything to tick you off, followed the rules, and did quite well in the ring.
Yokozuna: This Japanese wrestler was never to your liking. He was a good fighter, but he kept wanting to use these strange japanese rules that no one (himself included, you suspect) understood. On the other hand, he did have a lot of yen, and the Japanese currency is strong these days, isn't it?
Shawn Michaels: All show and no product. That's the eseence of Shawn Michaels. However, despite this, you've always gotten along well with Shawn. He constantly wanted to impress his current girlfriend(s), and since he was so crappy, needed your help to do it. You made quite a bundle off him in total.
Vincr McMahon: The marketing genius who owns the WWF, he's always looking for a new way to turn a profit. Back in the old days, you used to have a lot of influence with him, but lately you've simply been trying to avoid offending him.
Jesse The Body Ventura: This former wrestler has recently become the governor of Minesota. Talk about friends in high places! You hope he remembers the man who helped him get where he is today.
Tina Mint: Sean Michaels' current brainless girlfriend. She won't last any longer than any of her predecessors, you expect. But maybe Sean might want to impress her in some way, and to do that, he'd definitely need your help.
Monette Acre: The boss' wife. You don't think she really cares about you or any other employees of the WWF. But she would have a lot of influence with Vince…
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: Some aristocrat visiting from another country. You really don't care much about her, as she's no wrestler, and thus bears you no consequence whatsoever.
Jim Rockford: A nosy detective of small repute who simply seemed to show up. Well, if he's here to bust the Ultimate Warrior, then you're more than happy to see him. On the other hand, if he's here on your case, then he might mean trouble…
Simon: Who? What? He seems like some annoying Stone Cold fan…
You used to work a desk job for the Internal Revenues Service, filling out reports, doing odd jobs, replenishing the water cooler, that sort of thing. In those days, you dealt with many simple cases of Tax Evasion, a primary sin. However, you were still unprepared for the special assignment you were given. The reasons you were chosen are many; you're sure your professional dress shirt and suspenders had something to do with it. Also, your combat skills, which would prove necessary for this mission, are above those of a normal desk jockey. You've had lots of experience roughing those who refuse to pay their taxes, and then still more convincing them to be silent about their treatment.
No matter the reasons, you were given a major assignment: The WWF, a stronghold of corruption, evasion, and untaxed money. Aside from the pure size of this operation, it was fairly typical. You were to go in under cover, discover the untaxed wealth, and get the evildoers to reform their evil ways and pay their Income and other taxes. As always, a percentage of the taxed money would go into your own account as a reward for services rendered.
It was a simple matter for your superiors to get you hooked up with Vince McMahon, the owner of the WWF. From there, you were on your own. Using your deadly cunning and irritated attitude, you convinced him that you could be an ideal new villain for the WWF. Your pseudonym was simple: IRS. In this way, you quickly came into contact with the original villain of the Federation, Ted Dibiase.
Known as the Million Dollar Man, he was your main target for tax evasion. Upon closer inspection, while working with (mainly for) him, you found many irregularities in his financial accounts. Strangely large amounts of money seemed to flow in haphazardly, with no real pattern at all. You suspect he has been evading his taxes, and that will have to stop.
You were at best an average wrestler. However, you were good enough to maintain your disguise and check up on all the other wrestlers. Frankly, you were shocked at what you found: The corruption was palpable in this place, possibly even going all the way up to Vince himself. He's your boss in name only. When it comes to taxes, you'll still make him pay as much as anyone else. If you can't get him for tax evasion, perhaps you can find another way. Digging up dirt on this guy shouldn't be a problem, and if you can't tax, then maybe you can sue.
Another of your duties is to deal with some of the long standing debts that people owe the government for loans. Sometimes people just aren't willing to pay up, and you're here to make sure they do. No matter what it takes, you make sure that they can pay back what they owe, with a small cut for you, of course.
You've held onto your disguise for quite some time now. Perhaps it's finally time for some people to be bitten by some secret taxes they never knew existed. And it's also time for you to earn a pretty penny in the process.
1 - Hidden Taxes: Using the power of his tight suspenders to full effect I.R.S. can trick anyone into paying for a hidden tax on their money, equivalent to about 20% of their total money remaining. Note that this technique only serves to confuse those who are baffled by the tax system. Truly money savvy people (ie: with $1000 cash or more on hand) do not fall for this trick and are unaffected. 2 uses
2 - Tax Cuts: Because of his position in the Internal Revenues Service, IRS can get tax breaks on anything he purchases, thus getting it for half the agreed upon price. 2 uses
1 - Find a way to tax Ted Dibiase on his vast wealth. You'll have to be creative, 'cuz Ted is very moneywise, and won't be easily tricked.
2 - Tax any other large amounts of money (it doesn't matter how it was acquired) and eliminate any 'corruption'. This refers chiefly to financial corruption, the highest form of which being the dreaded 'Tax Evasion'.
3 - Find a way to sue Vince McMahon for everything he's worth.
4 - Get Jim Rockford to pay up the debts he owes the government, no matter what you must do to convince him.
Macho Man Randy Savage: This skilful wrestler is one of the two who will battle tomorrow for the heavyweight title. His accounts seem pretty much in order, except for some mention of military scientist income a few years back. Sounds suspicious, since this guy really doesn't look like bright material.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: In theory, this obnoxious finalist wrestler should be the head of the hugely successful Stone Cold merchandise line. Those products are all the rage with kids these days, so he must have large amounts of money. The question is, has it been taxed?
Hulk Hogan: It's simply inconceivable to think that this goody two shoes wrestler could be avoiding his taxes. He probably even pays his water bill on time (and what a rip-off that is! All just a government scam which you helped to conceive!).
Razor Ramon: The bad guy has often beaten you in the ring, and as well as resenting that, you suspect his many gold chains (which you believe he bought in Mexico) never went through immigration taxes! The fiend must be stopped. His nickname of the 'Bad Guy' is certainly apt.
Brett The Hitman Hart: This professional wrestler has been in the business for a long time, so he must have amassed quite a stockpile of money. However, you have no reason to suspect him of anything, though his constantly worn sunglasses do make you suspicious.
The Ultimate Warrior: Now this wild wrestler is definitely a guilty one if you've ever seen one. He always avoids you, and keeps clear of your matches, to the point of dropping out when he hears you're involved. You've also seen him showing off the interior of that poncho of his to Jake The Snake.
Ted Dibiase: The Million Dollar man is your prime target on your mission. If you could only find a way to tax Ted's uncounted wealth, you'd be set for the rest of your life. When you wrestled with him as partners, he kept offering you bribes to do all the fights for him. Because of this, you constantly got beaten up, but you did assure yourself that he is indeed a very rich man.
Jake The Snake: This snake totting wrestler is so suspicious that you can't help but suspect him. Although his accounts seem to be in order, you realise he must be up to something, and you wouldn't be surprised if he was totally 'corrupt'!
The Undertaker: You've heard this wrestler has just recently started out his own coffin business.
Andre The Giant: The only thing disturbing about this 'Friendly Giant' is the strange sudden inflow followed by a decrease in his Swiss bank account about one year ago. You remember that approximate time clearly, as that was when the silly one-and-blessedly-only styrofoam match took place.
Yokozuna: This Japanese wrestler keeps flashing around all this yen he has. You doubt it amounts to any significant amount though, since it takes 100 yen to make a single dollar.
Shawn Michaels: The Heart break kid may be a ladies man, but he's no accountant. His books are so screwed up that not even you can tell what's going on with his money. He probably doesn't even know himself, since all he cares about is his current girlfriend(s) and any other woman in sight.
Vince McMahon: The undeniably rich and capitalistic owner of the WWF. He's filthy rich, there's no doubt about it. And whether or not he pays his taxes, you want to hit him with an extra hidden money tax (the tax you must pay for having lots of money). There must be some scandal to uneunearth about this guy..
Jesse The Body Ventura: Politicians and tax collectors have always been allies, so you feel a kinship to this wrestler-turned-governor. Perhaps he could use some tax cuts on his campaign funding. And in return, maybe he'd have some information on any 'corruption'…
The Ref: This guy keeps going on about his own financial situation. He's only a Ref, and therefore his salary must be small. Sure doesn't seem like that from what you've seen.
Tina Mint: Shawn Michael's current girlfriend, a pretty lady with doubtless no financial prospects.
Monette Acre: Vince McMahon's wife. You're willing to ignore any corruption she could have if she helps you out. If anyone knows some dirt on Vince, it'd probably be her.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: An English aristocratic socialite. She must have money, and as she's a foreigner, you might be able to hit her with some travellers taxes.
Jim Rockford: This low-down private detective owns an aluminum trailer house and precious little else. He owes the owes the government the sum of $300 which he borrowed in a loan a long time back.
Simon: This skid just looks broke. He probably doesn't know what taxes are, since he's never had the money to pay them in his life.