Wrestler Backgrounds
Stone Cold -- Razor Ramon
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
"And that's the bottom line..."
"And that's the bottom line..."
You joined the WWF a few years ago, after finally giving up your lifelong dream of being a space pilot. Vince McMahon gave you a good contract ('cause you said so), and you began beating all the s.o.b.s who came against you. More often than not, your pure intimidating presence and obnoxious comments have been enough to send your opponents fleeing.
Your public interview was classic. You gave the nation-wide audience the finger twenty three times before the intermission, and twenty four times afterwards. That's a total of seventy three fingers! That must be some record. For reasons still unknown, your manager didn't seem impressed. But he was a jackass, so you gave him the finger too. Somehow, he managed to survive that long enough to quit.
You even participated in the infamous and ill-fated 'Styrofoam match.' The objective in this match was to shove your opponents into piles of styrofoam for the classic countdown. You simply gave everyone the finger and left it at that. However, the WWF was highly criticised for the match (something about safety. What the hell is that?). Vince wouldn't have retired that type of wrestling match, though, had you not told him to do it 'cause that's the bottom line.
You used to have a fair amount of money, but recently, you threw a massive party down at Greenberry park. There, you set the lake on fire, and drove a flaming winnabago (complete with old folks inside) through a nearby Kabookie hall. Needless to say, you were sued by the park authorities. Confident in your legal skills, you chose self represati..reposa..repo.. lawyering.You told the judge to acquit you 'cause Stone Cold said so, and called your opponents s.o.b.'s. For some reason, you were still fined for everything you were worth.
About a week ago this day, you decided to drive your newly acquired Stone Cold Monster Truck to work. Remembering that you had no scheduled spot, you parked in an empty one. Beside the spot was a reserved sign, saying it was somebody's private parking. You scribbled a note, telling the sign that it was a jackass and that you could park here 'cause Stone Cold said so. Sticking your note on the sign, you proceeded to the ring. When you returned later that day, your monster truck was gone. You forget which parking spot you stole, but it was clearly some jackass'. You'll have to find out and get it back, because it truly has been useful in past wrestling matches.
You have finally reached the top of the bracket. Mainly due to your beer guzzling skills, you are slated to fight Macho Man Randy Savage for the heavy weight belt. The long haired freak doesn't stand a chance. You know why? 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO, AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE! (and most frequently used one)
2 - The Finger: By raising his middle finger, Steve can enrage and anger his opponents in battle. A more powerful version is the Double Finger, which is simply too deadly to be unleashed in the wrestling ring. -1 Wrestling. Infinite uses.
3 - 'Cause Stone Cold Said So: This power allows you to convince someone through sheer force of obnoxiousness to do something for you, as long as it isn't totally against their character. 1 use.
2 - Say "'Cuz Stone Cold said so' to everyone at the party.
3 - Get someone to ACTUALLY do something cause Stone Cold said so (discounting your special power)
4 - Give everyone the finger multiple times.
5 - Win the final for the simple purpose of drinking beer.
6 - Locate and recover your Stone Cold Monster Truck from whoever has it. Someone must have taken it from that spot you parked in.
Macho Man Randy Savage - Here's the punk you're gonna beat tomorrow. To weaken him, you'd better give him the finger lots of times tonight.
Hulk Hogan - What a jackass! This guy is some reject from the 80s. He's old, outta style and no good no more.
Razor Ramon - What a jackass! He chews some stupid toothpick all the time!
Brett The Hitman Hart - What a jackass! He probably can't even see in those stupid sunglasses he wears.
The Ultimate Warrior - What a jackass! Does he think he's mexican wearing that poncho?
Ted Debiase - What a jackass! He's really rich, even more so than you.
IRS - What a jackass! He's always trying to tax all the Stone Cold paraphernalia that is sold.
Jake The Snake - What a jackass! This suspicious guy is clearly up to something.
The Undertaker - What a jackass! Huh, does he think he's some sorta Amish in that hat?
Disco Inferno - What a jackass! His music sucks too.
Andre The Giant - What a jackass! He's big, and drinks almost as much beer as you do!
Yokozuna - What a jackass! Some big fat sumo wrestler. How does he expect to haul his bulk and do any good? But he has been flashing around a lot of yen. Japan's a powerful country, it must have a strong currency…
Shawn Michaels - What a jackass! This boy is too young to even think about wrestling.
Vince McMahon - What a jackass! He may own the WWF, but he didn't give you a parking spot when you first signed on.
Jesse The Body Ventura - What a jackass! He's some sort of political figure, but you don't get that kind of stuff. How did a washed up old wrestler become a political..guy?
The Ref - What a jackass! This judge often makes bad calls, so you have to give him the finger.
Tina Mint - What a jackass! This bimbo is Sean Michael's latest girlfriend. What does she see in him?!
Monette Acre - What a jackass! This woman is Vince's wife, and you don't really know her, but you assume she's a jackass.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle - What a jackass! This aristocrat is from Canada, or something. She should just go back to whatever the hell country she came from.
Jim Rockford - What a jackass! This guy's a wimp, and no wrestler. What the heck's he doing here?
Simon - This kid's got potential, but he's really obnoxious and annoying. He seems to follow you around and repeat what you say a lot. Looks like he could use a finger or two.
Like thousands of other skids across the globe, you instantly idolised Stone Cold Steve Austin, both for his skidish values and his grungy bad guy aura. You have long admired his technique of giving his opponents the finger. So much do you admire his wrestling and living skills that you often break into people's houses to purchase the pay-per-view of the matches.
However, aside from the odd wrestling event you would watch, your life was otherwise the same as always. You would go to the mall and not buy anything, fall off your board wherever you went, wear outrageously baggy army pants, and attempt to play the guitar in your band Quasimodo. (Often you were forced to forego this, as you didn't own a guitar and therefore had to go take one from a music store. And you don't like doing that, 'cause music stores are generally only for geeks).
A couple weeks ago, though, you were hanging out at the mall attempting to break your board (and failing too, since you couldn't find an appropriate edge, like a bucket) when you saw a whole shipment of Stone Cold Steve Austin T-Shirts arriving at the local clothing store. Instantly, you knew you had to get your hands on one, but being a skid with nothing resembling an income, you had no money. However, with the help of your buds, you managed to come up with a plan.
While your skid friends did absolutely nothing, you entered the clothing store, put on a Steve Austin shirt, under the pretense of trying it on, and then simply walked out wearing it. Only your aura of nonchalence and uncaring made it possible, as you didn't look guilty (or even interested) in the least. Now that you have your SCSA shirt, you want to show it off to everyone, because it's obviously a great status symbol.
A few days ago, you were boarding to your usual mall hangout when you got lost. After shambling along in random directions for some time, you somehow ended up at -location with-held-where the WWF heavy weight titles were to be held. In passing, you also managed to lose your board in getting here. Realising that this was the chance you had been waiting for, the chance to finally meet Stone Cold Steve Austin, you decided you would have to attend this historic match.
Your plan was simply and oddly familiar to all your earlier ones. You would shamble straight through the front doors of the stadium and take a front row seat. Without buying a ticket, of course. However, while preparing for just such an operation, you got confused on the actual time of the event. As such, you arrived at the stadium the night before the match was to take place. Not caring about this, you attempted your plan all the same. And it worked. With your usual skid-like gait, you merely walked straight into the stadium, in the midst of some sort of party…
Money: $0
Wrestling Skill: -2
Items: 30 pennies
2 - Show off your Stone Cold shirt to everyone. They should all be suitably impressed (and if they're not, call them geeks).
3 - Don't care about anything except for Steve Austin related things.
4 - Try to hit everyone except Stone Cold with a penny or two.
5 - Find a skateboard, somehow, and use an edge to break it.
1 - Imitate Stone Cold as much as possible (in a skid-like way).
Stone Cold Steve Austin - Your personal idol. His mix of obnoxiousness and pure skiddish might is one you would much like to emulate. He's da bomb.
Hulk Hogan - Some older wrestler. Your parents might have liked him, which is why you privately suspect he's gay, though you don't really care either way.
Razor Ramon - This guy is kinda greasy and wears gold chains. But it sorta looks like he might have chipped his tooth on a battery…
Brett The Hitman Hart - You're not sure, but one of your skid buddies has told you that this wrestler doesn't like Stone Cold very much.
The Ultimate Warrior - This guy wears funny face paint, which obviously makes him gay, a geek, or possibly both.
Ted Debiossi - This wrestler is reputed to be the Million Dollar Man and to have lots of moolah. Enough said.
IRS - This wrestler supposedly works for a tax service. Like all skids, you hate taxes, even though you don't really know what they are, nor do you pay them.
Jake The Snake - A wrestler who always goes around with a snake. You don't like him because he seems very honest and outgoing.
The Undertaker - This gothic wrestler is not your favorite, but you bet he could sure break a lot of boards really fast.
Disco Inferno - Disco music sucks, and this guy seerms to be all for it. You've always showed only a mild interest for hip-hop rap (Yo yo!) and nothing else. Maybe you should see if you can get someone to beat him up, if it's not too much work.
Andre The Giant - Some big wrestler, probably really stupid too. Heheheh.
Yokozuna - Heheh. He's fat. That's funny. That's the best. (Well, in fact it's not..)
Sean Michaels - He keeps himself too clean and buys designer clothing, thereby making him a geek. He's a sissy wrestler too, and you're sure Stone Cold could beat him.
Vince McMahon - This guy tried to enforce some strange policy when you entered the stadium. You still don't exactly understand said policy, only that he called it, "No Simon."
Jesse The Body Ventura - No longer a wrestler but instead a politician, so therefore you are deliberately ignorant of anything about him.
The Ref - This geek always makes bad calls, especially where Stone Cold is involved. Maybe you could ask Stone Cold to put the Stunner on him or something.
Tina Mint - Don't know, and don't really care.
Monette Acre - Don't care at all.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle - You can't even pronounce that name. Whatta geek!
Jim Rockford - Who. (The lack of a question mark demonstrates your general lack of interest for this topic, or any other, for that matter.)
Macho Man Randy Savage - This is the wrestler who is slated to fight Stone Cold in the finals match tomorrow. He's a geek, so he's bound to lose, cuz Stone Cold said so.
When anyone thinks about wrestling or the WWF, you are the first to pop into their mind. There has never been a wrestler who could summon as much machismo as you can with a single tooth pick. Nor has there ever been a wrestler who could intimidate his enemies with the simple words of 'Hey Chico!' Most normal wrestlers broke and fled at this point, and those who didn't quickly fell to your greasy latino fighting skills.
You were one of the first wrestlers to join the WWF, back when the federation was still new. Your earliest memories were about winning; shoving your opponents down however they came at you, and doing whatever it took to take home the belt at the end of the day.
Even the controversial styrofoam match is counted as one of your victories. In this highly criticised event, you stuffed every single one of your opponents into a pile of foam, thus fulfilling the winning objectives. However, Disco Inferno, one of the sissy wrestlers, was somehow injured by the manner in which you shoved him face first into the styrofoam. Either that or he was injured when you stuffed Andre the Giant on top of him (you couldn't help it! The styrofoam pile was only so big!). That event really got some publicity, and since then, Vince has been giving you considerably less air-time.
You don't really mind your lack of participation in recent matches, though. Everyone involved in the wrestling world already knew you were the strongest, and that you always won. Lately, you've taken to exuding tons of machismo, intimidating your postman and playing in a Latino Steel Drum band.
You were the rising new star drummer of the El Pueblo band, which consisted of Carlos, Luis, and Poncho. Poncho never actually did anything, to your knowledge, but the other two were talented drummers. You were good at harnassing raw power and energy, but you often broke your drum in the process and constantly had to replace it. All the same, your band won several competitions with your latino aid.
Though your band rose to the top of the charts, they began to get bad publicity because of some disastrous interview that a press reporter had with Carlos, Luis, and mainly Poncho. You were absent at the time because you were busy collecting the lottery jackpot you'd just won. Meanwhile, Poncho had gotten his friends full of Taquila before the interview, and as such, they acted like real dorks. This was your first encounter with the Latino prejudice; the prejudice that says Latinos are dumb muscled air heads.
Well, you just couldn't let this stand. You had already proved that you were the toughest; now you have to take a different challenge. You somehow have to prove that you're the wittiest too. With that in mind, you've been going to the park lately (wearing only your wrestling speedo and gold chains no less) and playing chess with the locals there. To date, you've not lost a game. The fact that you were oozing machismo at the time could have helped.
Also, you've been participating in a lot of reading contests, to increase your literability. So far, you've bullied your way to the top and won every one. You also won the Lottery again, but that money didn't last long. Two days ago, you sadly won an appearance on the infamous game-show, Wheel Of Misfortune. But you wouldn't be caught so easily. When the goons came to take you down to the television station, you gave them a full blast of your patented raw machismo and made a break for it. However, they did manage to confiscate your house and all your money. 'Cept for your valuable gold chains, of course.
Money: $0
Wrestling Skill: 1000
Items: Gold Medals (worth $1000)
10 Toothpicks
2 - Oozing Machismo: With this power, Ramon oozes as much Machismo as he possibly can, using his greasy hair, latino accent, and a toothpick to full effect. Anyone hit with this power must commit any one act that Razor Ramon wants, because they're so overwhelmed by his presence. 1 use
1 - Call everybody 'Chico' at least once…
2 - Put a toothpick in your mouth at least once, not counting the machismo power.
3 - Talk in a greasy latino accent at all times. And if you can't manage that, well, then you fail at this objective.
4 - Prove that yourself, and thereby all latinos, are not stupid but in fact very witty and cunning. (This one could be tough, so you'll have to be creative)
5 - Do no violence if you can possibly avoid it. You've already proved that you are the toughest, and you don't want to cultivate the impression that Latinos are just musclebound fools.
6 - Avenge any insults with a suitable punishment. (Without using violence, of course.)
7 - Get people to call you Scott Hall (your real name) at least once, and as much as possible.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: This wrestler is also one of the finalists, and you must admit that his obnoxiousness is quite impressive. However, his wrestling skills aren't, and you suspect he will be trounced tomorrow. You don't mind obnoxious people (you're latino, after all) so long as he doesn't insult you in any way.
Hulk Hogan: This old-time favorite has always been known for being something of a 'good' guy in wrestling. However, you suspect his intellect is inferior to that of a skid, and so it might be good to impress him with your awesome wit.
Brett The Hitman Hart: A professional wrestler who actually cares about the morality and such. However, he does seem to have good press connections. Perhaps you could get him to broadcast around your recently gained 'intelligence'.
Ultimate Warrior: This chico always wears a poncho these days, but he is a good supplier of necessary items, like toothpicks and gold chains. Where he gets them, you don't know, but you assume it must be the bargain basements of Mexico.
Ted Debiase: The Million Dollar Man is supposedly a wrestler, but you don't recall ever actually seeing him fight, or do any work. Usually he gets his cronies to do that.
IRS: This wrestler is actually a government tax collector, and he's been trying to charge you immigration fees on your gold chains for years now.
Jake The Snake: This guy's up to something. You can feel it in your greasy hair. Whatever he's involved in, it's bound to be very dirty business.
The Undertaker: This graveyard wrestler also has long black hair, but it isn't greasy, and therefore, not so good. But the morbid type like him might be in to chess, and with your excellent record in that area, you'd be willing to challenge anyone.
Disco Inferno: This guy is one of the new generation of wrestlers who listens to music rather than fighting. If he listened to Latin Steel Drums you could forgive him, but this disco stuff is intolerable. You know from personal experience since you once won a free trial Disco CD in a shopping mall sweepstakes. This hate might have been what motivated you to throw Andre The Giant on top of him during the Styrofoam match.
Andre The Giant: Andre comes from a big family, and is himself really big. That didn't stop you from tossing him heavily into the styrofoam in that ill-fated match.
Yokozuna: This sumo-wrestling champion is even bigger than Andre. He's fresh from Japan, and keeps showing around all this yen he has. You're poor at the moment, and you figure these yen must be worth a lot, considering they're the Japanese currency. You wonder if you could 'persuade' him wittily to part with some.
Shawn Michaels: This Momma's Boy still hasn't learned the secret of true machismo. His handsome looks are no good at impressing women when he's floored in the ring every single time.
Vince McMahon: The owner of the WWF. He rules the ring with a despotic nature. You're sure that you could be a better owner, but you like your job, so you'll keep that to yourself. Impressing your boss with your vocabulary and social skills would be good, though.
Jesse The Body Ventura: Here's one of your old wrestling buddies turned politician. You bet you could give him a few tips for making speeches, if he wants them.
The Ref: You've always thought the Ref was a chico. He looks like a dork in his stripped pyjamas, so you often floor him with excessive machismo.
Tina Mint:: Although she currently claims to be Sean Michaels' girlfriend, you bet you could change that with a bit of eloquence and over abundant machismo. It would be a good way to get back at Sean if he ever bothers you.
Monette Acre: Your normal theories for impressing women don't apply here, since she's the boss' wife, and that means you stay well clear of her.
Penelope Ann Entwhistle: She's a woman and socialite with lots of money. Needless to say, you like her already. It might be time to bring out one of your special toothpicks…
Jim Rockford: This guy will probably be your chief rival in terms of intelligence. You hear he's some sort of detective and/or lawyer type figure. You must prove yourself to be more witty than he, whatever it takes.
Simon:…..? Some strange guy you've never seen before. He seems rather annoying, and you hope to either avoid him or gain revenge through social victory.