You might be wondering how I made the leap from my Mr. T quote of two weeks ago to the bread and butter of democracy. Aside from my craving for tasty metaphors, I would have to chalk this topic switch up to the municipal election that just rocked my city. Despite the denigrations of the local newspaper, the incumbent Don Atchison was returned to office with a significant majority. Then again, it's not like he had much, or even any, credible competition. Coming in second was a hippie type who allegedly only espoused pie in the sky ideas. I prefer pie on my plate, thanks. The third placed contender was the former mayor that Atch unseated in the last election. Other candidates included a construction worker who only ran so he would have a pulpit upon which to heckle the incumbent, a DJ of questionable taste and a successful aboriginal businessperson. Actually, this last candidate was sounding pretty promising, until the paper alleged that he might actually be a successful aboriginal criminal and businessperson. There was some kind of confusing retraction issued later, but a successful aboriginal businessperson who might also be a criminal doesn't really inspire too much confidence. The last candidate called himself a taxi driver, and is only noteworthy because he worked with me during a summer job at a produce warehouse. My experience with him doesn't at all speak in his favor, frankly.
As you can see, this was a case where I was trying to decide who I could tolerate, rather than who I would support. This is really a situation where negative voting would have been most apt. I would love to slam my former coworker with a solid -1. My girlfriend was in a similar situation with regards to her schoolboard candidates. The eventual winner was part of the PTA that tore down the playground at her elementary school way back in the day. This would surely be a traumatic event for kids, and well worth being the foundation of a grudge. In this case, she turned out to be something of a swing voter.
It was certainly a weak field of contenders, but it's not like Atch himself is such a stellar candidate. This is, after all, the man whose policies all seem aimed at boosting sales at his menswear store, Atch & Co. To this end, he first proposed the consturction of a giant dome over the city's downtown, no doubt centered over his own business. He later invented a new measurement of time while trying to impose a dresscode for anyone visiting the mayor - a code that could best be met through Atch & Co. Amused biases aside, he didn't really have a platform during this campaign, aside from the vague desire to build a bridge in twenty years. You can tell you've staked your position on shaky ground when that ground won't even start to exist until you're well out of office. All told, I think Atch truly deserves his reputation as Canada's craziest mayor, and as such I almost consider it only matter of time until he somehow finds a way to annex Poland.
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