George Lucas still can't write. I thought I should get that out right off the top. And seriously, I know I should be one of the last people to level this sort of criticism at anyone, Mr. Lucas included. But he's already had two prequels to learn that that the force just isn't with his scripts. Hire a writer already, George! It's not like you'd be surrendering your franchise to the dark side. You could still control the general flow of the plot, and set up all the breathtakingly amazing special effects scenes. You know, the stuff that you're actually really good at. Unfortunately, no such luck. Listening to me, Lucas is not.
The preceeding rant might make it seem like I'm totally against the new Star Wars, which isn't actually the case. In fact, there were several bright spots hidden throughout the weave of the dark side. So what did I like? First and foremost, the expeditious and merciful end of Count Dorku. I always thought he was woefully out of place among the Sith. In examining his approximate contemporaries, we see that they are all intimidating and fearsome figures. We've got the demonic Darth Maul, the melodramatic mix of machine and man that was Darth Vader and the deformed Emperor Palpatine. And then? Dorku. An old guy who sometimes seemed confused as to which side he was actually on, especially when speaking to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Somehow, I don't think a senile old geezer belongs in such an exclusive group. Maybe it's just me. In any case, moving on.
In a galaxy where names like Qui-Gon Jin, Jar-Jar Binks and Obi-Wan Kenobi are the norm, I was enormously glad to see: Cody, the Clone Commander. Not only is his surprisingly benign name prone to alliteration, but it's also mentioned several times. With straight faces all around, no less! That's because Cody is actually somewhat important in helping Obi-Wan defeat General Grievous, and is widely viewed as quite the competent captain. Despite being an exact clone of all the soldiers under his command? Awesome. Also awesome? Wookie warfare. Finally, Senator Bael Organa bore an eery resemblance to Lando Calrissian. Mainly in that the hover cadillac Bael flew is exactly the set of 'wheels' I can see Lando owning. This is nothing less than great, thanks to the established transitive property of coolness.
With all that said, it's time for a conclusion. Could the movie have been better? Sure. But did I really expect it to be? Not really. And am I tired of asking myself questions to which I already know the answers? You bet. In the end, I can say that Revenge of the Sith was definitely worth the admission price and the time it took to watch it. Unlike certain other films I could mention. Sith is unquestionably the best of the three prequels, and may even measure up to the Return of the Jedi. The quality of which was seriously weighted down by the furry presence of the Ewoks. Sith has an anchor of a different sort pulling it down, otherwise known as the script, which is every bit as heavy-handed as you might expect. Though some might be reassured to know that a certain Gungan isn't chained to this particular anchor.
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