This quote was inspired by the Scorpion King movie, which I had the pleasure of seeing a while back. You may have heard that this movie is a plotless slug-fest. This is true. However, it's also a hillarious plotless slug-fest, simply for the reason that it doesn't even pretend to have a story and instead features the Rock doing amazing feats and flexing his muscles. We were laughing the whole way through. Those that have seen The Mummy Returns likely know the basic premise. The Rock is supposed to be the Scorpion King, who ruled Egypt a long time ago and made a pact with the dark God Anubis. That's a lot more plot movement than occurs in the actual movie. First of all, The Rock doesn't become the Scorpion King until the end of the movie. Before that, the Scorpion King is apparently the enemy, although it doesn't make that clear until near the end. Also, there is absolutely no mention of Egypt ANYWHERE in this movie. There weren't any Egyptians either. It did show a map at one point, but that seemed to contain only squiggly lines and weird countries that never existed. So much for historical accuracy. Of course, the point is action, and The Rock's assassin character (he doesn't need a name) gets involved in a lot of that. His bow fires more like a shotgun, flipping enemies many times upon contact. And never shoot an arrow at him. He'll just pull it out and fire it right back at you! The Rock didn't use many of his trademark lines, but I inisist that he did do 'The People's Eyebrow' once. Others disagreed with this statement. In any case, to truly review the Rock's performance, you must compare him with the stereotype: Conan the Barbarian.
I can't really imagine a more potent technique than the People's Eyebrow. Of course, in combat it's about as useful as Steve Austin's middle finger. This has never stopped either move from being most prolifically used. As we know from the case of Dr. Willy, raising an eyebrow (or both, if you're good enough!) can't even stop a small blue robot, let alone other massive wrestlers. Of course, since the outcome to this wrestling is already decided, it doesn't really need to. I just thought I should point out what an awesome move it was.
Conan has a massive sword. The Rock has a massive sword and his amazing shotgun bow. The Rock takes this one.
The Rock loses his shirt at every possible opportunity. Conan does not even have a shirt. Conan takes this one, while the Rock loses his shirt.
Conan really doesn't have any special techniques. It seems he relies on swinging his sword around like a giant maniac. Which is really what he is.
The Rock has the People's Eyebrow, and I swear he does it at least once in the movie. He also has his crappy mask which somehow protects his eyes from a massive sandstorm. This category is clearly his.
Conan walks around, or sometimes rides a horse. How cool is that?
The Rock rides on a Camal. A very smart camal. It might spit, but it still beats going on foot.
The Rock has no accent to speak of, and clearly articulates his terrible, cliched lines.
Conan, in some versions, has a pretty heavy accent, making his lines hard to comprehend. This is good, since it means you can ignore the terrible scriptwriting and focus your attention where it belongs: the action.
There you have it. Note that this comparison is only between certain versions of Conan, and the Rock's character in the Scorpion King movie. It does not reflect on the Rock himself, or on the views of the owners of any big corporations. That is all.
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