That's enough ridiculous conjecture for one day. As for this quote, it actually comes from an episode of Seinfeld. I've been meaning to use it for quite some time, but never got the ideal opportunity. So I decided to stick it up here now. In the episode, Kramer has received a tiny part in a Woody Allen movie in which his only line is this quote. The characters spend the rest of the episode debating how exactly to say it. But it's absolutely true. Due to their very salty nature, pretzels do make people thirsty. And that's another reason why they're so very dangerous. Eating a bag of pretzels without a nearby jug of water is extremely hazardous. This is one of those universal truths to which everyone can agree. Even super villains admit this to be the case. As an example, we need only look at a ruthless Ringmaster, and his strongman assistant, Jobo.
Ringmaster: Jobo! Give me the pretzels!
And it would almost take a water cannon to refresh you after eating a pretzel. Because they really do make you thirsty.
Pretzels are extremely dangerous. For a number of reasons. Everyone has probably heard of the most recent pretzel scare. These frightening weapons almost took down one of the most important people in the free world. George W. Bush didn't see the danger coming when he started eating that fateful bag of pretzels. Somehow, this snack managed to pass all the tight security checks surrounding the President. And it only took one pretzel to almost choke him. Of course, his bodyguards were there in an instant, tackling the offending bag and restraining it. A few also tasted the pretzels. Just testing them, you see. Bush managed to recover from this incident. The pretzels, meanwhile, have been taken into custody. They're probably being held in some maximum security penitentiary until they can face their trial. For the attempted murder of the President of the United States. Of course, it might be difficult to get them to enter a plea. Fact is, I found this incident quite hillarious. It suggests to me that Assassins could now have found a better tool for their trade. Why waste time with those rare, detectable and expensive poisons when you can just use PRETZELS instead? After all, no victim could resist the salty, twisted taste of pretzels. And then they'd be gone. I suspect pretzel makers created these things for the sole purpose of bumping off their rivals. And at that, they would seem to work extremely well.
Jobo: Yes Master!
Ringmaster: Jobo! You fool! These pretzels are making me thirsty! Fire the water cannon! (Naturally, the Ringmaster blames Jobo for his consumption of the pretzels.)
Jobo: Yes Master! (SPLOOSH!)
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