"You're a godsend, a savior."
"No, I'm a postman."

In these troubled times of uncertainty, heroic figures often seem very reassuring. And when a worried public can't see any real heroes to comfort them, they sometimes turn to fictional ones. Fortunately, Hollywood is often willing to step up to the plate with both overused sports metaphors and protagonists that are almost dripping in patriotism. Some (like me) might argue that Nick Cage's stunning performance in National Treasure represents just such a hero. Others, however, apparently have felt that a hero needs to be more mundane. More of an everyman. More disgruntled. Because nothing says national pride like obnoxiousness? That's where this quote comes in. It comes to me from my contact across the pacific, who has once again managed to deliver both a great quote and several great pun opportunities. Here's what he had to say about it:
The above quote comes from the Kevin Costner 'classic' The Postman. I think that a more realistic remake of this film is in order. Set in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, the film would follow a venerable postman...from the harsh days where he takes a cab to deliver his mail, through the lean summer months where he wears shorts and a shirt with 2/3 of the buttons undone showing off a chia pet's fantasy of body hair, through the hallowed halls of the post office where packages are battered, tattered, and trashed before being stamped FRAGILE. The film has box office bonanza written all over it...assuming that the film gets to the theaters without being lost in the mail.
Now, I'm willing to admit that The Postman isn't really a recent movie by most standards. But I think any movie that depicts U.S. Postal Employees as the saviors of a post-apocalyptic world is at least partially fuelled by patriotism and flag-waving. Yet, for reasons that probably never occured to Kevin Costner, the fragile appeal of this movie ended up being damaged on its way through production. Now, (for once) I'm not claiming to be any authority on the subject, but I have to wonder if it was maybe because most people don't view postmen as suitable action heroes. Which isn't to say that they aren't. I'm sure that avoiding neighborhood dogs while tromping through rain, snow or shine can be very difficult. Furthermore, handling delicate packages with care must be obscenely challenging, considering how often they seem to fail at it. Anyway, like I was saying above, I'm not really here to discuss the actual merits of postmen, but rather to note that pop culture and the media seem to have stamped (ha) them with a rather unfavorable reputation. You can find evidence of this by looking no further than Seinfeld's Newman, who often notes the frustration inherent in the way the mail keeps piling up. There's also an episode where Jerry temporarily takes over Newman's mail route, and is later chastised for successfully delivering too many letters. Package all this with the occaisonal news tidbits about insane postal workers going on shooting sprees and you leave the Postal Service with a rather unsavory reputation.
Frankly, I don't know if most postmen actually are disgruntled. Or even really why they would be. I do know, however, that one of the only media sources that doesn't portray them in this manner is Postman Pat. Pat never seems to be disgruntled at all. And why should he be? He gets free tea at biscuits after every single delivery! You can say a lot of things about Postman Pat, but you can't claim he isn't jovial. On the other hand, you can claim that he's slow and lazy. And has an annoying theme song. If the world does ever reach the post-apocalyptic state so often prophesized in movies, I can only hope the postman we have to rely on as our saviour isn't Postman Pat. Because the only action he'd deliver would involve passing the sugar.
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