The Ex is in a Pickle


Inspiration for my quotes can come from a lot of different sources, many of them terrible movies. But this is one of the first times I've sunk low enough to pluck a quote right off the airwaves of the radio. The reason? Well, I've never really been a fan of popular music, and that's the only thing they play on the radio 'round these parts. The only thing. Sure, they promise you some variant on the whole no repeat workday kind of deal, but it's a lie. The one thing they promise is a LIE! A fabrication! A...hoax! To be fair, they should really call it the all-repeat workday, because that's the way they roll. So yeah, when it comes to the radio, I've got a problem. I'm fairly confident that monkeys could handle the microphone better than the hosts I end up being bombarded with. Disc monkeys, as it were.

Regardless, I ended up listening to the radio while driving somewhere the other day. In between the noise they refer to as music, I happened to hear something of interest. And on what account was my precious all-repeat work day interrupted? It was a news story, but it wasn't focused on militant action or world politics. Instead, it was a breaking story from the city's exhibition, or The Ex as it has better become known. Strike one. Strike two? It was about pickles. Pickles. Way to leave the station hanging on a sour note, radio dude. Sure, talking about pickles is better than the usual things they spin, but it still leaves them open to outrageous puns.

The thesis of this announcement was that the Ex is no longer offering pickles on a stick, a rather familiar delicacy for these sorts of events. The radio announcers seemed to view this as the scandal of the century, and were determined not to let the pickles go without at least a ghost of a fight. To this end, they decided to interview a guy who owns a pickle company in another province. Unsurprisingly, he declared that pickles are good. And that his company makes good pickles. And they could put them on sticks, if so desired. Thanks, pickle guy. You really saved the day. I'm glad the radio managed to solicit the advice of an expert. Did they actually expect him to say anything useful? Or interesting? I guess spouting empty platitudes is generally what radio is all about.

Looking at the bigger issue here, I can't really see where these complaints are coming from. It seems to me that the goal of exhibition food is to stuff the populace with as much sugar as is humanly (and sometimes inhumanly) possible. I suppose this can add more danger to the thrill rides available at these events, though that's not the kind of excitement that I like to see. Pickles don't really seem to fit in with this mould. Except that they're on sticks, which are prolific during such events. They stick it to you in more ways than one.

In any case, I hope you'll now all realise the plight of the pickle. It's all about raising awareness, I guess. It's hard to imagine a cause more peripheral than this, but I suppose that's the sort of thing I go for. More importantly, I've learned that though video didn't conclusively kill the radio star, I just might.


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