The most fun you can have while being a patriot!
Aside from coming up with the basic concept of AmericaLand, I've also dreamed up several exciting attractions to fill up this thrilling theme park. The star attraction would have to be the U.S. Customs Ride. As its name implies, this ride allows visitors to experience the fun of going through U.S. Customs. This involves a long wait in line, followed by some tough questions by surly Customs officials. Mostly about fruit. They don't really seem to be interested in finding criminals or terrorists, but they're extremely determined to stop that vile fruit from crossing the border. There's no telling what might happen if some traveller managed to smuggle some illicit bananas into the States! All of this seems a bit fruity to me, but I can only assume that the customs officers are hungry. And that the fruit they confiscate is their lunch, thus explaining their zeal in this regard. Of course, like all top-notch theme park rides, there would naturally be a very long line to get on the U.S. Customs ride. Which basically means that people would be waiting in line so that they could get their turn to wait in another line, at the end of which they would have their fruit confiscated.
If that great idea isn't enough to fill a theme park, I have another one in mind that would fit right in with AmericaLand. It's the U.S. Economy ride! Unwitting passengers would climb onboard a giant replica of an American dollar and take seats under the smug gaze of the giant George Washington. Once the ride begun, the dollar would rise high into the sky, before crashing suddenly, and very violently, down to the earth. It's like the Drop of Doom, but with people's economic future at stake! Of course, this ride would not be for the faint-hearted. Especially if those faint-hearted had recently eaten some Freedom Fries (the only kind in AmericaLand), or worse yet, their complimentary Sloppy-Joe. That's another reason why you have to be very brave to enter AmericaLand.
I'm sure by now you're all as excited about this prospective park as I am. And these are only two of many ideas that I could bring up. There are many other great attraction ideas just waiting for development, such as the Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. It would be kind of like the Search for Spock, but much longer and with no Star Trek referances. With thrills this big, I have no doubt that people would flock from around the world to see the wonders of AmericaLand, and demonstrate their patriotism by paying big bucks at the door. Anything less, after all, would be unamerican.
The world, and Florida in particular, is already filled with exciting theme parks. But there always seems to be room for more. And that's why this idea is such a good one; in these troubling times, Americans need to be able to visit a theme park that encapsulates their own cultural identity and mixes it with a decent dosage of patriotism and flag-waving. Not many of the current theme parks can provide this good ol' American feeling. In fact, some people might even consider a few of these attractions to be unamerican, the worst form of insult. But they won't be able to say that about the newest blockbuster themepark, AmericaLand. It's simply the most fun you can have while being a patriot. After all, America is the home of the brave and the land of the free. And while AmericaLand will be anything but free, you will really have to be quite brave to pay the admission fare for entrance into this dubiously entertaining area. Of course, admission also includes a free Sloppy-Joe and a Bud Light. The latter is best consumed by breaking it over your head, and the former is best not consumed at all.
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