Advertising: The Papa has come out with quite the propaganda campaign. In fact, his ads were all over the radio channels. I was forced to listen to them repeatedly at one of my places of employment. A gravelly-voiced announcer would continually remind you that if you had a problem, you should just call the Papa. It made Papa John sound like a mob boss, which is likely what he is. This goes a long way in explaining the rest of my theory.
Cutting Corners: As a mafia boss, Papa John can cut corners like no other business. This allows him to make more profit on each pizza sold. How does he do it? Simply by having very little overhead. His stores are little more than fronts, with the Papa John's sign on top. Inside, there's likely only a goon and a phone used to take orders. There's not even a kitchen on the premises. Fortunately for the Papa, similar franchises seem to lump their restaurants together. This means he doesn't need to invest in any ovens, since he can simply have his goons break into a nearby rival restaurant and use their oven whenever an order is received. Heck, he probably uses their ingredients as well. Papa John also doesn't need to invest in a delivery vehicle, since he can simply have his goons steal a car parked on the street and put a cardboard Papa John's sign on top. If anyone had a problem with this, the publicity campaign would instruct them to call the Papa, at which point he would send his goons to either break or use their oven. Only through these reduced costs could Papa John's cardboard pizzas stay in business.
My team was called Papa John's Pizza in a recent strategy game. I had such units as the Papa, the Telephone, the Delivery Truck and the Toppings (this last unit was full of very poor quality troops.) I also had many bikers, otherwise known as Delivery Boys. They had very low maintenance, since you could pay them only minimum wage. Of course, they might expect a tip. My team was always willing to make strange deals. For example, I was willing to sell my first unit for the regular price of 17, and each subsequent one for a price of six. In addition, I was always willing to throw in a free order of Twisty Bread with any sealed diplomatic deal. Despite this team's horrible pizza, I did end the game with the highest economy. It just goes to show the value of cutting corners. When anyone had a problem in the game, they would just call the Papa. Who wouldn't really help them, come to think of it. Much like he wouldn't in real life, especially if they were hungering for decent pizza.
As you can guess, this quote centers around Pizza. However, rather than give any sort of history on the food itself, I will instead rant about the various pizza franchises that can be found throughout the globe. There are many. Really, it's rather amazing that the pizza market hasn't yet been totally saturated. But I suppose that just goes to show how very popular this item truly is. In any case, some of these massive chains include Pizza Hut, Domino's and Panago. More recently, the industry has seen the advent of Papa John's Pizza, the main focus of this quote. Now, each of these franchises is known for different characteristics. For example, Pizza Hut makes very high quality pizzas, and doesn't skimp on the toppings. Domino's pizzas, on the other hand, are cheap as dirt. The same basically goes for Panago. Finally, we come to Papa John's. Although they promise to deliver the 'perfect' pizza, with only the most fresh ingredients, their products generally taste rather like cardboard. At least their pizzas aren't too pricey; still, it's a wonder that the Papa could expand his chain so fast with such poor quality food. I have a theory to explain this, and its facets will be described below.
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