Back in the day, making up new names for Megaman robots was the thing to do. Secretly, we all hoped coming up with ideas like Ricochet Man and Turtle Man would get us high-powered jobs at Capcom. And in our defense, I have to say that all those ideas were way more promising than Clown Man, who made his despicable debut in Megaman 8. Regardless, even in those days of unfettered 'creativity', we never would have predicted the advent of Ouija Board Man. Even with the use of his namesake item!
Ouija Board Man is the brainchild of Garrett, a friend of mine whose enthusiasm for such robotics might even exceed that displayed by the esteemed Dr. Light. This brillant (and amazing!!, as Garrett would and did say) robot idea was unveiled during a speech competition, wherein three minutes were spent discussing his merits. Of which there were many, though some of them admittedly displayed an originality on par with most of Capcom's series. A few of the highlights listed by Garrett are included below, unfortunately without the sweeping and hilarious hand gestures that originally accompanied them.
- Ouija Board Man is AMAZING! There's no way Megaman can stand a chance against such an amazing opponent.
- He can throw Ouija Boards at his enemies. Nothing can stand against the power of fast-flying wood.
- Of apparently less importance, Ouija Board Man can talk to ghosts and convince them to attack his foes. You would think this would be his greatest asset, but in fact it takes second seat to his amazingness and his ability to throw ouija boards.
- He lives on Mars! Megaman wouldn't even be able to breathe if he landed on Mars, and would consequently instantly blow up.
- He's still AMAZING! This point is so important that it needed to be mentioned many tiems.
It was a great speech, and in no way diminished by the innate hilarity of its topic. Let's be honest; just saying the words 'ouija board' is inherently amusing. Of course, one of the hardest things to predict using an ouija board is how to spell its name. The pronounciation really throws you off, and I guess it discombobulates the 'ghosts' who guide the board as well, because I imagine they would fal victim to this very same thing. Though I can't really say I have evidence to that end. All the same, despite never having used one, I think I can say that Ouija Boards are right up there with Magic 8-Balls as methods of predicting the future. They both have different advantages and disadvantages. The ball, for instance, only has four possible responses, one of which isn't really a prediction at all. (What kind of answer is "Please try again later." anyway? Seriously.) On the other hand, the Ouija Board offers many more possible responses, but a whole lot of them are meaningless gibberish. I have yet to come up with a question that could at all be answered by "THXFDK". This could only mean that the 'ghosts' don't understand our modern vocabulary.
This quote has been suggested to me by several of the people who were present during Garrett's landmark speech. I thought the speech was more than sufficiently amazing to deserve recognition on this page. Of course, I am almost as easily amused as Garrett, who has been know to remark while in a wooded area that there were enough sticks to prevent him from ever getting bored. Which is an amusing quote in and of itself, but I guess I should stick to the topic at hand.
