As I start to explain this quote, I'm going to begin using something I like to call a blatantly obvious introduction, which is the following: Food is an essential element of life. That's why there's a whole TV channel based entirely on food. This would be the Food Network. Of course, with similar logic, one could also conclude that golf is an essential element of life, since there are many channels devoted entirely to this sport. But I digress. Thanks to the Food Network, the consuming public is finally exposed to bajillions of famous chefs, all vying for our time with their cooking programs. The way I see it, these chefs all fall into certain catagories, all with varying degrees of skill. I'll ennumerate these separate groups below before going on to explaining the quote.
The Good Cooks: This catagory would include all the chefs who can actually cook good tasting food, and who can amaze everyone with their culinary mastery. They would include all the Iron Chefs, and most of their challengers, with the exceptions of Bobby Flay and perhaps 'The Wizard of Seafood', whose reputation quickly 'disappeared' after the show.
The Really Tall Ones: This would include the Inn Chef, for the obvious reason that he's taller than the Friendly Giant on stilts. In fact, his height seems to be the only selling point of his cooking show.
The Cowardly Cooks: Only one man would fall into this category: Rob Feenie, who hides in the bushes of some park with a tomato to advertise his show.
The Chefs who are already dead: This category obviously includes the Urban Peasant, but not his replacement robot. (See another quote for elaboration on this topic.)
The Loud, Obnoxious and/or Smarmy Bad Cooks: The majority of the Food Network 'stars' fall into this category one way or another. They include Bobby Flay, one hot and spicy guy, Carlo Rota who almost pushes a cook into his own stove and the Canadian Living Cooks, who are SO shameless. But this isn't the lowest category. No, there is still one group lower than this, and it is:
The Chefs who Don't Cook: This lowest category contains only one man, who I hesitate to even refer to as a chef. Yes, it is the Naked Chef, otherwise known as Jaimie Oliver. Since this quote comes from the commercial for his show, I'll now take the opportunity to explain a bit about the Naked Chef and why he fits into this final category.
You see, it's one thing for chefs to cook badly. But it's another thing entirely for them not to cook at all. And this is precisely the strategy employed by the Naked Chef. His main premise is to strip the recipe, or cooking, down to the bare essentials. Translated into understandable language, it means to go jogging, thereby not cooking at all. I mean, imagine if you hired the Naked Chef to cook a dinner for you. Rather than doing it, he would probably slide down your bannister and then jog out the door. Hours later, when the meal is supposed to be ready, he would likely appear at your window and put his face right up against it, puffing his cheeks like some kind of bizarre jellyfish. In his own words, 'It's gotta be fun, it's gotta be simple, it's gotta be tasty.' Basically, he has fun by not doing any cooking, much as the commercial shows. The Naked Chef is like the antithesis of a chef. A chef's purpose is to make food. The Naked Chef's purpose is to eat food, after having gone for a long bicycle ride around town. They should probably call the show the Naked Gourmand, to be more accurate. Actually, to be more accurate still, they should call it simply The Jogging Gourmand.*
*- Yes, most of the events above are indeed featured on the Food Network commercials for the Naked Chef. However, he might actually do cooking on the show for all I know, since I've never had the urge to watch it. And also, I am aware that I am omitting many Food Network chefs from my categorization. That's just the way it is.
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