Discounting adds for Bryant & Stratton (covered last week), there seem to be only two types of commercials that are shown during Seinfeld. They include car commercials and ads for injury lawyers. I think these two might somehow be connected. Especially when Auto-Injury attorney Wiliam Mattar is the injury lawyer in question. Seriously, this guy is all over the air. His commercials are frequent and rather amusing, especially when you infer things that are never mentioned in them. There is some slight variation, but most iterations of Mattar's ads show some car smashing into another in slow motion while a voiceover proclaims that a "serious accident" merits "Serious action." It's a good thing they don't call me in, because I really don't do so well at this serious stuff. Fortunately, William Mattar's expertise is auto-injury, so he can surely guarantee them a fast recovery. I always find it funny to hear how a stressful court case that will probably take several months will somehow increase the speed of recovery. It's not like Mattar's some kind of doctor who will come in to put extra time into fixing you up. Instead, he'll eventually win you some money, though he'll likely take a large chunk of it himself before it reaches your 'rapidly-recovering' hands. All the same, Mattar's commercials claim that insurance companies will try to pay you off with such tiny sums as twenty dollars and NO cents, which sounds pretty bad. Especially because they bothered to rub it in by writing the 'NO cents' part on the check in the commercial.
Here's where we come to this week's quote. Now, I am well aware that certain prejudices exist regarding lawyers, and their apparent similarity to sharks. While they might not exactly be out for blood, they do seem to go into a frenzy when money is involved. Although Mattar's commercial doesn't actually use this week's quote, I would suggest it as his slogan. Because your misfortune is his gain! He might not want to put it so bluntly, but the fact remains that his income only exists so long as people continue to get injured. Fortunately for Mattar, bad drivers are one of the most renewable resources.
I also like how all the lawyers need to put several legal disclaimers on their commericals to avoid the possibility of being sued by other lawyers. For example, every injury lawyer ad I've seen includes fine print at the bottom that reads: "Past success does not guarantee future results." I think using fine print as much as possible must be something they teach in law school. In addition, they have to be very careful with what they say. On commercials for Cellino & Barnes, they say that they believe they have had the most success of any law firm in their area. Which is a great statement, since it really doesn't tell you anything. It doesn't mean they actually do have the most success; it only demonstrates their opinion that they do. I think I should start making similar statements. For example, I believe that Legends of the Blade is the best website on the internet. Now all I need is a disclaimer in a small font...
Disclaimer: Hilarity of previous quotes does not guarantee future amusement. Despite what I may 'believe'.
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