That's a promise from LaRue to you!


This is one great quote out of many that can be extracted from SCTV, one of the funniest shows ever made. Specifically, this quote comes from Johnny LaRue, one of SCTV's most disreputable characters. He's always proposing some sort of shameless get-rich-quick scheme that can't possibly work. Nonetheless, he usually concludes his persuasive pitch by using this week's quote as his promise. Using his own personal fame to endorse his ridiculous schemes is clearly not such a great idea. Especially since anyone who has seen SCTV has also seen Johnny LaRue starring in many different roles, none of them likely to inspire trust or confidence. One of his best appearances was on the segment called Cooking with Johnny LaRue. Johnny claimed to be preparing a meal that would perfectly suit the viewers at home. This seemed to include frying some grass and mud, and then adding wine. Of course, LaRue added far more wine to his own glass than to the dish. This is a technique that would later be replicated 'with great success' by the Urban Peasant, James Barber. I should really note that this technique's success is still a matter of debate, mainly because the Urban Peasant seems likely to drop dead at any moment. But that's beside the point. Johnny LaRue also breaks new ground by declaring that the food he prepares is actually terrible. Most cooking shows refuse to admit this fact. I suppose this goes to show that Johnny is more honest than those such as the Canadian Living Cooks. It also shows that he's not a very persuasive salesman.

Then again, most people behind these get-rich-quick schemes aren't too cunning. As such, it's almost amazing that some people fall prey to their plots. Frankly, you'd think people would catch on when they continually receive emails from wealthy South American bankers wanting to transfer funds from their country to secure accounts. If I were to believe all these messages, I am apparently extremely well-connected in all fugitive banker circles. These guys are apparently willing to count on me to help them smuggle millions of dollars out of their countries. I'm sure most people are honored to have gained the trust of these criminals, but you have to get more than a bit suspicious when they tell you that you need to send them money to facilitate the transfer. If they have all this money to transfer, I think the least they can do is finance this operation themselves. Finally, I am constantly amazed by how many of these high-powered bank executives seem to use extremely broken english. If you're gonna pull a scheme like this, the least you can do is run your messages through a spell-checker. Of course, they would probably demand extra money to help them purchase such a program.

Television is also bombarded with such shameless get-rich-quick schemes. And most of them aren't even as funny as the ones presented by Johnny LaRue. If you watch late night TV (and I don't recommend it), you'll be assaulted with various financial schemes of extremely dubious merit, that promise vast incomes to be made from the comfort of your home. None of these infomercials should be believed. Even the vaunted cutting power of the Ginzu knife must be doubted. Could it really cut through a penny? And why would you want it to? Of course, this doesn't include the George Foreman Low-Fat Grill. It won't make you rich, but it will get you fit quick!

As a final note, I would like to extend my thanks once again to the man who sent me this quote suggestion. SCTV always provides a great source for quotes, but often ends up being overlooked. But this site will clearly give the show the attention it deserves. That's a promise worthy of Johnny LaRue. And just as ridiculous as many of the ones he utters.


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