Of course, all of this is just background for this quote. You see, I recently found out that my university has its own branch of the Justice League. You may not have heard of them, but the U of S Justice League seems like a noble group indeed. Or perhaps not. Of course, that's not actually what they call themselves. The group is actually called the Superhero club. As the name suggests, you have to be a Superhero to join. This involves an auditioning process during which you have to reveal your secret superhero identity and superpowers. Believe it or not, I'm not making this part up. This club really exists. I'm not sure what criteria they use for determining 'worthy' superpowers, but I've thought of several ideas that would likely get me into this group. First, there's Tuition Man, who has the power to continually grow bigger. I could also go with Embezzling Man, whose main ability is to syphon funds from the Student's Union. On the other hand, all members of the Superhero club already have this power. On our campus, the USSU is willing to fund any group with sufficient members. It seems to me that this club is the ultimate excuse simply to get those funds. Of course, half of this support comes in the form of Coca-cola, our corporate sponsor. But even Superheroes need refreshments!
This club has inspired many ideas. Several of my friends have proposed the idea of forming a group of our own. This group would be called the Supervillains club. Not only would we get the chance to obtain the USSU's Coke credit, we would also be able to face off against that meddling Superhero club. Of course, all Supervillains would need to have superpowers with which to crash the Superhero club's meetings. Some of these powers would likely consist of the ability to laugh in a very dramatic fashion and a habit for revealing plans to any heroes nearby. This would clearly be a great club.
Returning to reality, I am well aware that no one in either of these clubs would have any real superpowers. Some would argue this distinction makes them different from the Justice League of America. On the contrary, the U of S Justice League is just as effective as the real group, if not more so since they are actually rewarded for their existence with Coke. And it's not as if The Green Lantern actually has any superpowers himself. In fact, he would fit right in with the Superhero Club. So if you have a problem, and no one else can help, and if you can find them, you should call in the A-Team. If not, you could try coming to the U of S to enlist the aid of our resident 'Superheroes'. They may not actually help you much, but they could reward your curiosity with a new Vanilla Coke.
Most people have probably heard of the Justice League of America. If you haven't, you should read through my gallery of quotes. They have been mentioned in the past. This group of legendary superheroes is led by The Green Lantern, a man whose main power consists of a preferance for the color green. Oh yeah, he also has his namesake green lantern. In the age of flashlights, such an item is basically obsolete. Of course, the other heroes of the Justice League aren't really leadership material either. For example, the Flash isn't known for the speed of his mind, but rather the incredible rate at which he can retreat from any battle. And Tom Jones, another rumoured member of the Justice League, seems to only be able to remember one song. And let's not forget the Human Torch. He might have been a decent hero before he allowed the other members of the Justice League to light him on fire. How many heroic acts could you accomplish if you were quite literally on fire?
Return to Jaridis Blade's Gallery of Quotes