INTERPOL WARNING

If you've ever watched a foreign video, you've likely seen the clip I'm about to describe. You probably tried to ignore the blindingly bright red background, the stark white ten-point text, omniously scrolling past in a manner much too fast to be read, and the warnings this text contains. Yes, this is the sort of dire warning from INTERPOL that proceeds all foreign-made films. You might not take this message seriously, but you should. Because they do. And they're an international police force with expert agents scattered across the globe, ready to come in and take you out if you even think of copying one of the videos protected by their organization. Like certain other highly specialized branches of law enforcement agencies, these guys are familiar with all the skills and equipment needed to keep their jurisdiction under control. In fact, INTERPOL probably knows more about how to operate your VCR than you do. Furthermore, they're almost certainly highly skilled in using any sort of remotes, and aren't afraid to deploy them when such force proves necessary. I would imagine that they would also have entire teams of wiring experts, capable of defusing any sort of electronics setup before precious videos can be copied. Yeah, they probably also have handguns or something. Just in case they run across any really mean bootleggers.
In addition to preventing movie duplication, INTERPOL also seems to be responsible for dealing with aliens. It may seem strange that INTERPOL's mandate for protecting foreign videos gives them the authority to take on extraterrestrials, but if you've seen certain Godzilla movies, you know that it does. After all, the aliens are probably invading Earth for the sole purpose of obtaining our large and valuable collection of videos. And only INTERPOL can stop them. That's why the preceeding paragraph made a passing reference to handguns. They seem to work really well on the aliens encountered in Godzilla films, be they weird green-skinned guys or giant cockroaches disguised a human. Given the effectiveness of bullets against these creatures, you'd think that taking them out would be a job for the military. But no. In these movies, the military's only role is to be crushed by giant rubbery monsters while continuously assuring politicians that this time, their tanks will be capable of winning the day. Fortunately, the agents of INTERPOL are more than up to the task of dealing with the aliens. In fact, they seem to be awesome. Apparently, years of grueling INTERPOL training have turned them into deadly fighting machines. Aliens would be wise to heed the searing red INTERPOL WARNINGS (which I hope are broadcast up into space, as the ultimate alien-deterrence weapon) because INTERPOL is totally ready to stop their plans and eject them from the planet.
All puns aside, I should acknowledge that this quote was inspired by one of the great Christmas gifts I received, the Godzilla DVD Collection. It includes three Godzilla films, all of which prove yet again that a movie's budget isn't always proportional to the level of entertainment it provides. In particular, Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla serves to showcase the allegedly amazing abilities of INTERPOL. Of course, I think the makers of the movie just wanted to bring a group of secret agents into the script, and didn't really care that the agency they chose would be more likely to fight the aliens with remotes than with sidearms. If the film had been made in the 'States, you know that INTERPOL would have been replaced by the FBI. Who might be slightly more appropriate for dealing with aliens. But not nearly as funny.
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