The Hat

All the most powerful people in the world share one thing above all else. Financially endowed entrepreneurs, presidents, prime-ministres, mobsters, congressmen, GRU-sargeants; they all share one fear that transcends all such important occupations. They fear the man known only as 'The Hat'. He is a tough-talking smooth-walking fast-mocking pay-topping freelance journalist. He's a man who earns thousands where others of the same profession would earn hundreds. Why? Because he's the best. He's known by many names: In English speaking countries, they call him 'The Hat'. In France, he's known under the name of 'Le Chapeau' (which roughly translates to 'The Hat'). In any and all other countries he's known as a badly pronounced version of ' The Hat'. If you have a secret, if the public might hypothetically have a right to know, if it will ruin you, then The Hat will uncover it. So in short, either hire him, or face the scandal that may emerge.
Heh. That was quite amusing to write, and hopefully just as amusing to read. You may by this point be wondering about the true basis behind the enigmatic character of The Hat. Well, he was actually born in a board game I was playing, wherein you had to hire a full company of employees to win. Each person had a card, showing a picture and the job they could do. The Hat was the only guy who looked decent, 'cause he was scruffy, wore a suit and a fedorah. I wanted him from the get-go. And I got him too, by paying him an over the top salary of 200,000$. Thing was, he was only a Salesman, one of the lowest rank characters in the game. By paying him two hundred thousand, I had eliminated any possible chance I could've had at winning. Of course, then the objective of the game turned from a getting a full set of employees to everyone trying to steal Le Chapeau from me. But they failed! MWAHAHA!
On a completely different note, I'm amazed by the number and diversity of internet sites that sell hats online. I mean, c'mon, vast HAT shops? But that's what they are. To prove it, I got several more cool hat pics that can actually be bought from these sites.

They even had a very cool looking dragon slayer's helmet. Forget the top secret box project. That's only a diversion! Now we know what the government's REALLY working on! And it ain't hats...
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