To give credit where it's due, that entire opening monologue is lifted from one of the trailers for Baldur's Gate 2: Dark Alliance. One of the characters in this game is Dorn, and the only thing you really need to know about him is that he's a man. Which in this case, might even make him as good as the other great Baldur's Gate 2 character, the surly dwarf rogue. Who, in a gross miscarriage of justice, doesn't end up getting his own trailer. Even the sissy elf gets a trailer! I can only chalk this up to racial discrimination. In any case, you can check out my source on Dorn here. His trailer can be found near the bottom of the page. Just stay away from the elf's trailer! For reasons unknown, the page doesn't feature large warning labels around it. I thought such things were required given the danger of instant wussification that can come from contact with elves.
By this point, you might be wondering what would drive me to put up this quote. It doesn't seem likely to be the promise of fortune, though I sometimes wish such were the case. Instead, the inspiration for this quote comes from a friend who recently decided to transpose Dorn into a roleplaying character. It goes without saying that it turned out to be a great success. I'm going to say it anyway, though. As could be expected, Dorn was a massively muscled barbarian who was motivated almost exclusively by his own masculinity. In combat, he was known to wield a pair of giant axes to devastating effect. Of course, the use of such large weapons did arouse some suspicion in his comrades, but Dorn was always quick to explain that he wasn't compensating for anything, he just really liked axes. After all, he is a man. In addition, Dorn had the ability to battle on. Because a man never quits, especially when there are nearby women to help bandage him up.
The adventure also featured many mentions of Mansville. I don't know if you've ever been there. I haven't either, but I know it does exist. Of course, I'm sure the real place isn't any match for the reputation it received from Dorn. He wasn't just the population of Mansville, he was the mayor. And the more women he could convince to metaphorically move to Mansville, the more powerful he would become. However, tenures in Mansville don't last forever, and by the end of the adventure, Dorn found himself facing a surprising challenger. Shockingly enough, Milosh was able to convince the nearby crowd that he was the real man, and that Dorn was nothing more than a little baby. And he wasn't even married like Milosh! With such convincing arguments, the women really had no choice but to impeach Dorn and elect Milosh as the new mayor of Mansville. The massive political fall-out of this event has yet to be fully measured, but I suspect the Universe itself may soon implode out of irony or panic. You know something's wrong when Milosh has become The Man. It certainly gives a whole new definition to stickin' it to the man. And that would be to play tennis.
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