Think about it. How many fine, perfectly bold and powerful exclamations have been rendered inert and archaic by our profanity fixated society? Truly, it is lamentable when consarn it, dagnabit, golly, and, dare I say it, holy moley become laughable. We must put a stop to the linguicide going on in the English language. You think the UN Security Councial can spare a moment? No? Drat!
Yes, linguicide must be stopped. Every day, millions of innocent English words are butchered and abused by people with poor spelling and syntax. Furthermore, many fine words are losing their jobs, replaced by unqualified profanities that aren't able to hold the sentences together nearly as well. Not enough is being done to save these words. It's well past time an international body like the United Nations intervened in this matter. I would like to propose the creation of a special committee and judiciary to deal with word crimes and crimes against vocabulary. I have a feeling that George W. Bush might find himself facing those sorts of allegations. Some might argue that this committee would be all talk, but in this case that wouldn't be a bad thing at all. The slogan of this group could be Words, Not Deeds!
Alright, so this international action plan might be a bit far-fetched. But don't think for a doggone minute that this exempts you from the need to deal with this crisis. Everyone can play a role in the fight against malspeaking. Even something as simple as using words with more than three syllables can serve to spread the vocabulary around. Making use of a thesaurus (see picture) can also prove to be a great asset in the war for better words. Or puns. Puns count for a great deal. Some people might tell you otherwise, but it's probably because they have ulterior motives, such as the destruction of the entire language. You might be surprised by the large number of people who seem to be involved in this nefarious plot. They can be found in almost every walk of life. We can't allow them to succeed.
As a final note, I would like to extend my thanks once again to my Japanese Contact for sending me such a great idea. He never seems to be at a loss for words, which fortunately means that I am rarely at a loss for a quote. Hopefully, we can continue to spread the word about this very pressing crisis.
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