But that's not all! I also have to remember to rent and return a graduation gown. It's only twenty dollars, but it still feels like adding insult to injury. They're telling me that after finally completing all my degree requirements, and paying over 18,000 dollars for the privilege of doing so, that I have to pay yet another fee just so I can parade across a stage and actually grab the diploma I've already earned? It's not like they're asking for a lot of money this time, but that's not really the point; to a large degree, it just seems like forcing students to jump through yet another administrative hoop. It makes me wonder what they would do if I just decided to go out there without the gown. Would they actually refuse to hand out my degree? Would they burn it before my very eyes? That would actually be awesome. I guess if you can't figure out how to rent a gown, you're probably not doing justice to a B. Sc..
I've already talked about the prestige of degrees from Harvard. Of course, you don't need to graduate from an Ivy League institution to enjoy the superiority of a degree. After all, these documents come with a hefty pricetag, both in terms of time and money. As such, any angle you can come up with to leverage the power of your degree is fair game. For example, I plan to carry my framed diploma around with me in my backpack at all times. This way, if anyone questions me in any sort of way, I can demonstrate my superior knowledge and qualifications by pulling out my degree and pointing to it in an incredibly presumptious manner. Unless they happen to have their own degree with them, they don't stand a chance of refuting that sort of ironclad argument. Because in any random dispute, degrees trump non-degrees. I've also considered amending my official signature to include B.Sc. at the end. I paid a lot to earn that distinction, so I think I might as well make the most of it. In fact, the only more expensive letters in the English language might well be Ph.D., and we'll have to see about that one.
I think they're planning to hold the ceremony inside this year, but if they change their minds, I can predict with more certainty than any weatherman that that it would be at least a hundred degrees outside. Yeah, I know that was rather lame. But I've been waiting like five years to make these sorts of jokes, so you'll just have to bear with me. I should have it all out of my system by the time the next quote rolls around.
Before I sign off, I should give you all a little preview of next week. Just to keep everyone aware, I'm granting you all one week to see the new Star Wars movie. There's your warning. I suggest you heed it, otherwise you might face minor spoilers when you come to check out next week's quote. Because, you know, the ending of that movie is so surprising and all.
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