There are a few things that everyone needs to know about mercenaries. First of all, they're usually extremely untrustworthy. That's because they're not fanactics, and thus care only about money. The second thing is that mercenaries usually have nicknames. These nicknames often help in spreading their reputation, and can range from such menacing titles as Shadow, Reaper and Hitman to such goofy names as Face. Finally, mercenaries are also known for having their own personal stocks of one-liners, that can be pulled out in almost any situation. This is demonstrated both by the A-Team and by the characters of Jagged Alliance 2, which is the subject of this quote. Some of you might not have played this computer game much. I haven't either, but I can still attest to some of the great quotes that emerge from it. In Jagged Alliance 2, you take a leading role in a rebellion against a ruthless dictator in some tiny banana republic. Since the rebels obviously have inferior forces (at least they don't have Bow!), they need the help of trained mercenaries. It is your task to hire a team of these mercs and take out the dictator. It's like a new version of Bionic Commando, but without the Bionic Commando or Super Joe. But both games have a dictator. That's quite the common thread.
This quote in particular comes from the mercenary who goes by the name of Igor. He doesn't really seem to have a nickname, which obviously means he can't be one of the most famous mercenaries. Much like in wrestling, wherein a wrestler only becomes victory material once they acquire a popular alias. That's why Joe Demott just can't win. But that's beside the point. I am well aware that the picture I used for this quote does not belong to Igor. Pictures of the JA2 mercenaries seem quite hard to find. This is one of the few I could find, and it belongs to Ivan. His name is slightly different from Igor's, but they're both Russian and Ivan has one of those furry hats, so it's close enough by my book. This quote is used by Igor many times throughout the game. When performing any sort of action on the battlefield, Igor can be known to suddenly shout out Cujo! with great intensity. It has been noted that the intonation of this quote alone is just priceless. Of course, Igor is not the only character in this game with great quotes. Many of the other mercenaries have amusing lines, such as Hitman. He may be a bit older than some of his colleagues, but his skills with one-liners can still match up with the best of them. Two of his quotes include:
Burned up all my ammunition, Ace!
My nuts are really in a vice, Ace!
His quotes only become better once you realise that there's no one in the game named Ace. It's clearly great when the term Ace is used purely as a title. In fact, I considered using one of Hitman's quotes as the main quote of the week, but the possibility of offending the huge cadre of fanatical Igor fans proved much too risky. Such actions simply couldn't end well. My decision might also have had something to do with the fact that I could find no good pictures of Hitman to use for his quotes. A sure sign that he's a greatly overlooked character. Perhaps this page will help raise the Hitman's profile to the level it deserves. Because like a good wine, the Hitman only gets better with age. Finally, I want to take the opportunity to thank the one who sent me the suggestion for this quote. Without great ideas like this, I would have run out of new quotes long ago.
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