Anyone who doesn't know that the Colonel is the mascot of Kentucky Fried Chicken (or KFC as they now call it) probably isn't reading this website. So I won't go into that. Truth is, I lost my appetite for KFC a long time ago. They began to make a bunch of crazy new types of chicken, like extra-crispy and super-hot. This simply didn't interest me. However, recently I regained my taste for this fine restaurant. Why? Because they brought back popcorn chicken. This has been my favorite item there since they first came up with it. I was truly disillusioned when they stopped serving it a few years ago, for reasons still unknown. However, they recently brought it back, and with it came my business. You really can't go wrong with popcorn chicken. Everyone loves both popcorn and chicken. If you combine the two, you attain something that can be nothing less than great. Of course, popcorn chicken really doesn't have much to do with popcorn, except for the size. But in theory, you could eat it like popcorn by tossing it up in the air and catching it in your mouth (or missing it, in my case). No one would ever do this, of course, since it would be a foolish waste of popcorn chicken. I just thought I should point it out.
Yes, the Colonel is certainly one of the most mighty fast-food icons in existence today. You may think that he's just some disembodied, floating head that appears on a bunch of chicken boxes. But he was a Colonel, and he really was alive at some point! True, he was older than time itself, but you should bear in mind that it takes a great deal of effort and skill to attain the rank of Colonel. As a result, Colonel Harland Sanders is likely a master strategist, perhaps almost matching Sean Connery himself. He could use his cunning tactics to baffle and defeat other food mascots, such as the Bear and Wendy. Let's face it, a big shoed clown wouldn't stand much of a chance against a bonafide Colonel. If his strategic genius isn't enough, the Colonel also has his secret weapon: the 11 Secret Herbs and Spices. As I've found many times, spices make a mighty weapon, and we're talkin' about 11 of them here! These herbs and spices must be good, if only for the reason that they're the biggest secret that exists today. In an era where news travels incredibly fast in cyberspace, this recipe is one of the few things that has remained an absolute secret. It's more mysterious than the Kennedy assassination! With all these factors going for him, Colonel Sanders would have no trouble defending the honor of his restaurant against all other fast-food chains. He might die of a heart-attack afterwards from all that fried chicken, but he would still emerge victorious. Although the 'emerging' part might be difficult if he were dead.
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