Bushwhacked!

Usually I try to steer my quotes away from major current events. Unless, of course, you count the release of the Megaman anthology as a major event. Which I do. But that's a whole other debate. This week's debate was the Presidential one, and though I didn't actually see it in its entirety, I did catch enough media snippets to put together a comprehensive analysis. And perhaps an essay, depending on the requirements of my Political Studies course. I don't generally attempt to delve too deeply into politics, but I did establish a precedent for doing so just before the last American election. I figure it's only fitting to continue this fine tradition. Don't worry that this will lead to the boredom often associated with politics; as my precedent suggests, you'll be able to wade through the pool of my deepest political thoughts without even getting your ankles wet.
Many pundits have already weighted in on the recent debate between Democrat John Kerry and President George W. Bush. Now it's my turn. Admittedly, I'm not much of a pundit; then again, the fact that I don't consider myself a webmaster hasn't stopped me from running this site for years. By the same token, some might say that George W. Bush isn't much of a President, despite having 'won' the election four years ago. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.
The debate itself mostly focused on Iraq and other such foreign policy concerns. I was personally hoping there would be more discussion of domestic issues. Such as ketchup. Obviously, both candidates were trying to duck this most important topic, but I think the public shouldn't consider themselves satisfied until they see a full-blown five minute discussion on the merits of Heinz versus W, with the title of America's Ketchup at stake. That would be the sort of contentious clash that could shatter the apathy that so often grips the American electorate. Sadly, it was not to be. Instead, we merely had to watch John Kerry making strong and clear comments on Bush's foreign policy. Bush responded with confusion and his usual lack of eloquence. He looked, dare I say it, Bushwhacked. Which, by the way, would be a great Kerry campaign slogan. The candidate with the best puns always wins. Remember all those states with signs declaring themselves Bush Country four years ago? That's what I'm talking about. Anyway, Bush's main contention was that Kerry was a flip-flopper, which is apparently fundamentally Unamerican. Let me get this straight. The Bush team believes that the President must be steadfast and resolute, never faltering or changing their mind. Ever. If these traits were displayed by anyone other than the President, wouldn't we consider them stubborn, obstinate and even obnoxious? Meanwhile, would we not consider someone willing to change their mind as new information emerges sensible? So basically, Bush is saying that being sensible is Unamerican, whereas being stubborn and obstinate is the American way.
Right on, Commander-in-Chief.
By now, you can probably tell which way my bias swings. To be quite honest, I never expected Bush to be elected in the first place. Yet he still managed to pull it off, and it looks very possible that he could do it again. How can this be? I have come to the conclusion that Bush's electoral strength is mostly due to a very influential interest group that is often underestimated by commentators everywhere. No, it's not the Christian-Right. It's the fish. They've been on his side ever since the 2000 election campaign, wherein Bush articulated his belief that humans and fish really could peacefully coexist. I suspect the trout in particular heavily favor the Republicans. The bass are probably somewhat more open-minded. In the end, it might all be decided by which way the undecided Flounders end up swinging. This theory might seem far-fetched, but at least fish are alive. Unlike graveyard voters, several of whom still manage to vote each year.
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