By this point, you might be wondering about the origins of this whole King deal. Not surprisingly, this quote comes straight out of the new Burger King advertising campaign. And you thought the era of monarchy had passed. Well, Burger King apparently doesn't agree with you; in fact, they seem convinced that waking up next to an overdressed, oversized regent is the perfect motivation for eating fried, fake-grilled burgers. I think that the marketing team behind this whole advertising strategy might be on some of those mushrooms I was talking about last week. To be fair, I should note that recently many fast food chains have featured rather questionable commercials. However, in this one area of infamy, I believe Burger King blows away the competition. To abuse their own metaphor, they're the King of crappy advertising. And I'm lovin' it.
Describing just a couple BK commercials should provide plentiful proof of their dubious yet hilarious nature. The one that seems to air most frequently opens with some guy waking up in the morning only to find his bed is shared by the big-headed (in more ways than one) BK King, who proceeds to offer him a breakfast burger. Frankly, I would be quite traumatized to ever, as the commercial puts it, "Wake up with the King." Or if I had to start my day by eating one of those greasy BK burgers. Actually, I'm not sure which would be more nauseating, but since both slices of imagery are being offered by the same company, I think it's clear I won't be prostrating myself before the throne. Another similarly unnerving ad begins with some guy stepping out onto his front porch and staring across his expansive yard at a distant, badly proportioned figure that can only be the King. When the guy turns around a split second later, the King is suddenly right before him, burger in hand. And that is creepy. I suppose they do call it fast food, but still. If these commercials can be believed, the King seems more like some sort of eccentric serial killer, stalking his prey with a horrifying mask, outlandish outfit and artery-clogging weapons. I'm telling you, a burger doesn't earn the title of Whopper for nothing.
As you can probably tell, I'm not a big fan of Burger King. All bias aside, I can't consider the King to be anything but a mark against them. Whether you agree or not, I hope you can at least concede that the concept is amusing, if not ineffectual. Unless the actor behind the King's hideous mask is Bruce Campbell, I don't think I'll ever be hailing the King.
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