The Power of Attorney


Being a superhero isn't easy. This is demonstrated by a quote from The Batman, one of the greatest superheroes of all. He noted that fighting crime is hard work. He also stated that Robin might not be cut out for it, and this is certainly true. But that's beside the point. Contrary to the belief of certain comic book creators, it takes more than a silly disguise and a funny name to make a real superhero. You also must be able to make a living taking out criminals, and this is where many heroes fall flat. It's quite hard to make a living as a vigilante. You must either be wealthy in the first place, like Batman, or able to capture the public eye and appear in several movies, in a fashion first pioneered by Superman. Heroes that don't fit into either of these catergories tend to slip through the cracks of public awareness and also, coincidently enough, tend to be rather badly animated. Some of these fine heroes include The Green Arrow, Dino Boy and Birdman. The last member of the preceeding list is the topic for this quote. When faced with a dwindling supply of credible villains (The Ringmaster, anyone?) and an overabundance of crushing walls, Birdman was eventually forced to give up his career as a superhero. But with a strong sense of justice, what other job could this winged man find for himself and his pet eagle, Avenger? As you can guess from the quote itself, the solution for Birdman was to become a high-powered lawyer. Coupling his solar powers with the innate powers of an attorney turned out to be a most potent combination.

You might be wondering about the origins of this premise. It actually comes from a TV show I happened to see the other night called Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. Yes, the animators of this show decided to resurrect some of the oldest Hanna-Barbara cartoon characters and stick them in a show. Clearly, it can't be anything but a great success. Birdman serves as the protagonist, willing to take cases for any of the other cartoon characters who have been slighted. His suit makes a much better crime-fighting costume than his yellow tights ever did. Avenger serves as his assitant, whose role ranges from typing slowly with his beak, to swooping around and intimidating witnesses. Or just grabbing Scrappy-Doo, which is likely his most useful function. Of course, the villains of the old Birdman cartoons also play a role in these shows. They serve as opposing lawyers and judges. In addition, the bar where Birdman goes to unwind after every case seems to be run by F.E.A.R. agents. They must have found running a legal establishment much more profitable than punishing their failed underlings, like the aforementioned Ringmaster. As a former superhero himself, Birdman often seems to take cases from other underappreciated heroes. This included Apache Chief, who didn't think his ability to grow really big was fully appreciated by the Superfriends. Black Vulcan was also featured in this episode, complaining that his name was a sign of racial discrimination. Apparently, he had wanted his name to be Super Vulcan, but Aqua Man had come up with this alternative instead. Clearly grounds for a Birdman court case.

Former superheroes aren't the only ones who come to Birdman with cases. And since he seems incapable of refusing any sort of work, Birdman sometimes ends up for working for such characters as Freddie, from the Scooby-Doo gang. Of course, when Birdman first hears of this so-called gang, he automatically suspect that it's going to be a big gang war case. It turns out instead that Shaggy and Scooby were arrested on charges of taking some illegal drugs. They were on their way to solve a mystery involving some sort of crazy hedge monster when they were pulled over by the police. The evidence against them included pointless laughter, and their overwhelming appetites. This evidence was difficult to counter, even for one with Birdman's solar shield. In fact, the case was only dismissed when the rest of the gang captured and unmasked the villainous hedge monster. Predictably, this monster turned out to be nothing more than Bill the Gardener in a funny suit. Clearly, this was the man who should be on the trial. The episode was concluded by the appearance of Scrappy-Doo, who lept onto center stage only to be swept away by a swooping Avenger. That bird's a hero in his own right.

In conclusion, being a superhero is dangerous work. Not only must you face rampant skepticism from all South American police forces, but you're also under danger of legal action from all sorts of villains. Fortunately, you can hire the expert legal representation of Birdman, who is sure to protect you from any villains you might face in the courtroom. Now that's a true hero!


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