Adventure Overview
Players: Morton, Ginzu, Rei and Jazz.
Enemies: Zorak, Septamiss, Johnny Cage, White She-Devil, Senor Nabob and more.
Started: During the flight back from Batoche to Epsilon.
Ended: With Jazz being accepted as an intern in the BROTHERhood.
This adventure began just after Gangsta'#1 and Java had escaped, along with their convoy of illegal zirlithium. Still gloating over the destruction of Mallistayre in a single shot, Morton declared that they should head back to Epsilon, now that they had finished their business on Batoche. Ginzu wanted to ride the ferry, but Morton successfully argued that doing so would be far too slow. This said, he engaged his LSD drive, and Ginzu had no choice but to do the same in his zig or risk being left behind. Jazz, on the other hand, didn't bother to engage the Disco Inferno's LSD, but instead chose to ride in the wake of the LSD. While spinning around and drinking orange soda, of course. The return trip would take about two hours, and would not turn out to be entirely uneventful.
After about half an hour of high-speed flight, Morton and Rei noticed that the ships were picking up a text transmission. Ginzu urged Rei to 'main screen turn on', and moments later the two were reading the message. It seemed to be a distress signal, and implored any passing ships to come and offer aid. Misinterpreting the S.O.S. signal, Ginzu assumed that the people were in dire need of sauce, and began cooking some up right in the cockpit, much to Rei's displeasure. Further analysis revealed that the message was coming from the other side of a nearby asteroid. Suspecting a trap, Morton attempted to communicate further, but had no luck. Although he was worried that this might be a ruse set up by the Starwolf gang, Ginzu could't resist the call of the hungry, and pulled his ship out of LSD. This got Jazz's attention, and he just barely managed to avoid ramming into the back of the APC as it decelerated rapidly. Deciding to inform their commanding officer of this turn of the events, Jazz contacted Commander Zaya. Unfortunately, he instead got Mr. Rhyze's Replacement, who didn't really seem interested in speaking with him. In fact, the Replacement soon pulled Jazz's own trick, and pretended that the communication signal was breaking up. Without any advice from his superiors, Jazz decided to investigate. The other two ships followed as he swooped around the other side of the asteroid. Contrary to Morton's worst fears, they saw no sign of any other ships. Instead, their scanners picked up a fortified bunker on the planet's surface. An atmospheric generator was operating from within this building, and after a couple daring buzzes, they decided to land and investigate.
Fortunately, they had brought enough spacesuits for everyone, though Rei was not pleased with the fact that they were both assymmetical and painted red. (The work of Taylor and the engineers, respectively.) Once she had washed off the helmets, Rei readied her mop and followed the others out onto the surface of the asteroid. Morton led the way, guns at the ready, but found the door to be locked. However, a few knocks and a promise of a special delivery (a tactic the pilot had doubtless learned from the late Sub-Zero and Scorpion). It worked about as well in this situation as it had for the assassins. The door slid open, and Morton lept into the well-lit bunker, ready to let loose a barrage of lead. He never got that chance. Quick observation told him that he was in the bunker's command center, and not alone. Zorak and a similarly strange Terrorian were holding crazy lasers to the heads of a couple hostages. Both were young and garbed in yellow and blue, with black masks over their eyes. One was male, the other female, and both were clearly the oft-kidnapped assistants of Space Ghosts. They were performing this role yet again, and Zorak cackled that they had all best drop their weapons or he would kill the hostages. Faced with no other choice, the group holstered their weapons. This seemed to satisfy Zorak, and he chortled that they had fallen right into his trap. Now, they would be killed in a complex and totally ineffective manner, which fortunately didn't yet involve a Flying Timebomb. One of Zorak's cronies was already readying four small, unarmed ships on the asteroid's surface. The heroes would pilot these ships and attempt to survive the attack of some monstrous astro-bees, which Zorak would summon to the scene. Even his own followers seemed dubious of this plan, but Zorak declared smugly that the heroes were finished. Morton wasn't nearly so sure, and greatly accepted the opportunity to pilot another ship. As the four got into their tiny vessels, Morton somehow managed to mount up his Z-1 laser so that he could fire it from within his cockpit.
Not surprisingly, it seems that Zorak has an overly complicated and incredibly ineffective plan to kill you. This involves you piloting small, unarmed space fighters while a bunch of monstrous astro-bees attempt to destroy your vulnerable vessels. This plan seems obviously doomed to fail, though coming from a villain who usually employs flying time bombs as his main strategy, it’s probably a step in a less ridiculous direction. While weakly armored, these little ships are quite maneuverable, and as such, you can perform the following moves to avoid the sinister bees. In order to pull off a maneuver, you must roll a d100 and beat the difficulty number by adding your dexterity. You also receive a bonus 10 dexterity for every level of space flight, so a pilot with space flight 3 would add their dexterity + 30 to the d100 roll.
| Maneuver | Check | Description |
| Straight Shooter | 40 | In an action cliché, the pilot flies in a straight line, ignoring the possibilities presented by changing their direction or altitude. |
| Full 360 | 90 | The pilot performs a series of full 360 degree spins, but so precisely that they don’t even spill any of their orange soda. |
| Toro | 80 | The pilot flies towards a rock outcropping at high speeds and swoops out of the way at the last possible moment, hopefully causing their pursuer to slam into the rock. |
| Fresh Bait | 70 | In this unorthodox move, the pilot cooks up some food from within their cockpit and tosses it out. What kind of crazy bee would want to hunt some tiny little ships when there’s food to eat? |
| Stop Short | 60 | As its name implies, the pilot unexpectedly slams on the brakes. Daring, but sometimes effective. |
| The Loop | 75 | A move first perfected by the Star Fox team, it involves a full loop that can leave you dizzy and your opponents baffled. |
At Zorak's urging, a swarm of monstrous astro-bees converged on the area. These creatures were large, poorly animated, and had long stingers attached to their noses. With unbridled fury, they flew towards the ships, ready to attack. One was heading straight for Rei, and rammed right into her ship, despite the fact that she was flying in a straight line. Fortunately, stopping short proved fairly effective at avoiding the bee's sting, and Rei's damaged ship was thus able to survive this blistering attack. Ginzu wasn't so lucky. In fact, he had not even managed to take off yet, and was instead intently preparing some food to use as bait for the bee that was preparing to attack him. Unfortunately, both his attempts at doing so ended only with failure, and with sauce spilled all over his controls. Two stings was all it took to reduce Ginzu's ship to scrap metal. Fortunately, the fact that the ship wasn't even airborn meant that the chef himself was barely wounded. On the other hand, Jazz was definitely airborn, and pulling many of 360s. However, one of the bees still managed to ram his ship, causing the DJ to spill his orange soda all over. In contrast to his companions, Morton was actually enjoying this battle, and using his Z-1 laser to blast some of the nearby beasts. He also used a toro to make one crash into an outcropping of rock. After doing so, he pulled a loop to get behind another of the creatures, but this left him seriously dizzy, and open to attack.
Just as it seemed that Zorak's ridiculous trap was nearing a deadly conclusion, blasts of power rained down from the sky, dropping astro-bees left and right. The survivors quickly buzzed off. This did not escape Zorak's attention. He quickly assumed that Space Ghost was responsible, and had come in on his special Inviso-Power. As such, he quickly ordered his subrodinate to fire the matter intensifier. Moments later, a bright beam shot from the top of the bunker and illuminated the dynamic form of Space Ghost as he landed on the asteroid's surface. After greeting the nearby 'citizens', Space Ghost noted that Zorak appeared to be using some sort of matter intensifier. In response, Zorak declared that Jan and Jace would be launched in a Flying Timebomb if Space Ghost didn't immediately remove his power bracers. Apparently having no choice, Space Ghost did just that. Unfortunately, with his astro-bees already driven away, Zorak had no other stupid traps to spring. So he decided to fall back on his usual strategy, and launched the Flying Timebomb. Space Ghost quickly took off with pursuit, forgetting his power bracers. It was up to Jazz and his jet-pack to bring these items up to the superhero, a task which the DJ accomplished with flying colors. While Space Ghost rescued Jan and Jace, Jazz redirected the explosive ship towards Zorak's bunker. With a laugh, Space Ghost declared that they would soon see if Zorak could take it as well as he could dish it out. It turned out that he couldn't, and one big explosion later, Zorak's base was nothing more than a crater. Thanking the heroes once more for their help, Space Ghost zoomed off to say another sector that was apparently being threatened by some sort of Magma Monster.
With Zorak's forces defeated, the heroes reboarded their ships and resumed their journey towards Epsilon, now with extra baggage in the forms of Jan and Jace. Rei was forced to listen to them babble about the strange sights of the asteroid belt that they passed. According to Space Ghost's two assistants, these things clearly required further exploration. Rarely was there a better time to pull out the oblivious janitor skill. It managed to get her through the remaning ninety minutes of the journey, and soon the four ships were pulling towards Epsilon's military bay. After a quick chat with Zaya over the success of their missions, the heroes were welcomed aboard and told to go see Sam before resuming their duties.
Work Log: In an extremely unfortunate turn of events, your work has recently kept you from viewing the full glory of your new DVD. Of course, the fact that you don’t actually own a DVD player might also have something to do with this, but you’re sure you could find one in the boiler room given enough time. Instead, you’ve been hard at work cleaning up the messes that sprang up during your absence.
Cleaning Incidents:
-Upon returning to the station, you’ve found several terrible messses, the likes of which you haven’t seen since your days fighting the Litterer. In particular, this appears to include a lot of chicken grease and some disgusting white substance that seems like it might be mayonais. You’re not certain about the source of these messes, but you have a suspicion it might involve the station’s new chief engineer. And you plan to sweep her out as soon as possible.
Boiler Room Inventory:
(You’ve recovered most of the useful items that had gone missing from the boiler room. Now if only you had time to search it for a DVD player.)
-An old tape full of Pokemon episodes.
-A special DVD edition of the Days of the Week’s seventh season.
-Some empty jars of mayonais. And no hot sauce in sight!
-Candles, arranged in a vaguely demonic pattern.
-The crushed remains of a small, yet complex dart.
-Your very old chair.
-Your big TV and VCR.
-Squirttle! He’s been having a blast (quite literally), and many of your possessions are consequently soaked, due both to his enthusiasm and…
-Your pressure sprayer. Morton hasn’t yet tried to reclaim it, but it could be only a matter of time.
Personal Notes:
-In your absence, the station apparently hired a new chief engineer. And not a very good one, as far as you’re concerned. Her name is Denise Richards, and she’s supposedly a brillant nuclear physicist, although she looks to be both dumb as rocks and a terrible actress to you. Furthermore, she seems to insist on spreading this mayonais all over the station, and you’ve seen her driving through the outer ring on some sort of motorcycle. Clearly, Denise has neither the intellectual capacity nor the cleanliness to be the chief engineer of the station.
-Now that Adolfus Grizzby is the chief of security, his identity card can get you into any room on the station. Unfortunately, he seems to have realised that his card has gone missing, and his first task in office seems to involve recovering it. You might have to stay away from him for a while. Or make fun of his name. Either one seems likely to work in this situation.
Mini-Objective:
-Sweep Denise Richards off the station by getting her fired.
Work Log: You’ve finally reloaded the missiles on your Falcon-X, and you have to admit that there’s nothing more satisfying than looking around after a space battle and seeing nothing there. That’s why the fight with Mallistayre was so great. With these missiles, and the comparative speed of your ship, you have no doubt that you’ll be able to catch up to Falco’s kill-count in no time.
Space Fleet Status:
-1 eXtreme Falcon-X known as the Vesper, reliably protected by The Club. Now with new missile action. There’s nothing that says Maverick like a giant explosion.
-1 Thunderer belonging to Fayde, the only Electran remaining on the station.
-An APC known as The Buick, now completely clean.
-Custom Falcon belonging to Johnny, also declared eXtreme. To the max!
-A flashy Heatwave called the Disco Inferno belonging to Jazz. While its orange soda dispenser is nice, it didn’t allow Jazz to crash Java. Of course, that is an admittedly difficult task, considering Java’s advanced error handling.
-The Drakhaan formerly known as the Flying Tank, and now declared to be nothing less than Falco’s Ship. He keeps complaining about its lack of speed, but they don’t call it a Flying Tank for nothing.
Military Supplies:
-11 ‘slightly-used’ Falcon missiles purchased from Crazy Sam.
-8 Heatwave missiles purchased from the GAP.
-4 Space-suits, one sized for an afro.
-12 Falcon-X missiles. They’ll surely be worth the effort of acquirig them.
News from Space:
-It looks like Starfleet is driving back the Spheran forces. Under the command of Mr. Sulu, the Excelsior has pushed deep into the asteroid belt, and is no longer meeting significant resistance. A plan is being developed to attack the Red Wing base itself, and thus drive Sphere’s elite spaceforce from this sector.
Docked Flights:
-A fast and sleek transport ship called The Man’s Needs has docked in space bay one. Despite its name, Johnny has assured you that he has nothing to do with this transport. In fact, you don’t really know to whom it belongs, but it apparently arrived while you were away on Batoche.
Personal Notes:
-Losing that laser rifle was certainly unfortunate. But it’s no big deal. You’ll surely be able to get a better one when you send Federov to the penalty box in your next encounter. And then you’ll also be able to score.
-Not only did you settle your score with the Transporter, but you also performed a decisive fatality on Scorpion and Sub-Zero. Despite this, Johnny still claims that Mortal Kombat is the pinnacle of fighting series. Furthermore, he claims you’ve only taken on the weak characters, and that Johnny Cage, mostly due to the power of his first name, would take you out in two rounds flat. As usual, it’s your duty to disprove The Man’s preposterous statements.
Mini-Objective:
-Beat up any Mortal Kombat characters who appear in merciless hand-to-hand combat.
Work log: This countdown is nearing its end. But with your Soul of the City album set on repeat, the music never has to stop. And that’s basically all you’ve been doing since returning from Batoche. Although not particularly original, the special bonus track has a great beat and all the funky grooving that made The City People stars in the first place. In fact, you were so distracted by this great music that you almost missed an important transmission that was sent specifically to you. Your standard procedure involves ignoring any transmissions that come in while your music is playing (which is all of them), but this one was different.
Jazz’s Playlist: (Basically, a summary of the songs that you currently have on your WinAmp playlist. They quite accurately represent the current most popular and best trends to be found in the music industry).
-You’ve got a secure channel open to the BROTHERhood headquarters on Deksiil. Undercover Brother recently contacted you on this very channel, along with some other guy he referred to as the Chief. Better yet, they want you to do some secret mission for them, and if you perform well, they’ve offered to let you join BROTHER once your current tour of duty is over. You were so excited that you didn’t really listen to the Chief’s explaination of your mission (that and your music was very loud), but you know it involves stickin’ it to someone named the Man. If this Man is anything like Johnny, you’re sure this will be no problem.
-Some real star power is coming to Epsilon. According to recent press releases, Johnny Cage, the famous intergalactic action star, is continuing his promotional tour with a visit to the station. He plans to be autographing copies of his album, Uncaged, as well as fighting random unarmed foes. You’ve heard that he’s also doing some celebrity endorsement deal, though you’re not at all sure what product is involved. His martial-arts skills are clearly far more important, and you’re sure this guy could teach you everything that Undercover Brother couldn’t. Such as how to get twenty million a movie.
-The rebellion on Batoche appears to have been short-lived. Which is good, man, ‘cause you’re all about peace. The Spheran military has apparently captured Louis Riel, and without their leader, the Metis quickly surrendered. They’re now considering whether to put him on trial, but prosecutors fear a jury might see him as some sort of misunderstood hero and clear him of all charges.
Personal Notes:
-There’s another woman on the station! This is obviously huge news. You’re not quite sure why she’s here, or even who she is, but rumours suggest that she’s the station’s new chief engineer. Of course, rumours also suggest that she’s smuggling drugs, but that’s because you got these rumours from Tintin. You’ll obviously have to investigate this matter personally, as any true BROTHER agent would.
-It seems that a new fried chicken joint might be opening on the station. You’ve developed quite a taste for Warchon food, but you have to admit that a little popcorn chicken can never go wrong. You might have to check that out.
Mini-Objective:
-Stick it to the Man in any way possible. And this isn’t referring to Johnny.
Work Log: Taking down all that poutine was hard work, but after seeing the negative impact it had on the cardiovascular fitness of those miners, you have no doubt that it was the right thing to do. Still, you were relieved to return to Epsilon, where the name of Warcon Wok has some respect. However, upon returning, you were shocked to find that most of the funny Irish food in Bennigan’s had been replaced by some sort of fried chicken. Now, you’re not totally opposed to fried chicken, but only when it’s mustered by someone like General Tao. Anything less is surely weak.
Specialty of the day: (Warchon Wok’s policy involves serving only the freshest food, often cooked right before the unbelieving customer’s eyes. This section features some of the latest and tastiest Warchon recipes pioneered by the innovative sages over at Warchon Wok headquarters.)
-Kids Plate Deksiil: A recent innovation that has come straight from Warchon Wok headquarters. One of the company’s key strategies is to become a melting pot of various cultural cooking, and that’s where this dish comes in. While some of the traditionalists are heavily opposed to the kids plate, there’s no denying that it’s popular among the strange foreigners that the Wok serves every day of the week. Like most ‘traditional’ Deksiilan meals (or so you’re told), this plate contains a hotdog and some bamboo shoots cut up to look like french fries.
-Talk About the Wok: (As a growing chain, Warchon Wok is often featured prominently in the news. As it should be. This section describes some of the more interesting stories that focus on this restaurant.)
-Exploding Food: Food is apparently exploding all over the galaxy. Quite literally. And Warchon Wok HQ is not exempt from this unfortunate disaster. No one really knows why random food objects are spontaneously exploding, but one senior executive claims that someone might have ‘set you up the bomb’. Regardless of the cause, you’ve heard that some group called the Food Network has sent in a special operative to deal with these matters. Although you have yet to encounter any self-combusting food yourself, it looks like you’ll have to keep your eyes open.
Personal Notes:
-Along with the fried chicken, there’s also been a large increase in the amount of mayonais in the kitchen. You can’t stand this disgusting white stuff, and can only view it as an attack against your very culture. Fortunately, you always have lots of soy-sauce around to counter that evil mayo taste.
-After returning from the trip to Batoche, you intended to track down Samo Hung and once again accuse him of trying to kill you. This would surely have led to a fight, but as the hero of this age, you were fine with that. Strangely enough (and Samo is strange enough), you haven’t seen a trace of the portly would-be janitor since your return. For someone that’s trying to kill you, this Samo certainly doesn’t seem to be putting in too much effort.
Mini-Objective:
-Discover what has become of Samo Hung.
As usual, the action resumed as Jazz, Morton and Rei entered Bennigan's, where some blarney was apparently already present. Ginzu was waiting for them, along with a smaller than average crowd, which included several important characters such as Lucky, Falco, Jamal and Senor Nabob. This last definitely did not seem pleased to see that the heroes had returned alive and well, and declared menacingly that they would have to be dealt with. Ignoring Nabob's empty threats, the three seated themselves with Jamal and Falco, Rei already complaining about the mayo and chicken grease found throughout the station. Jamal looked guilty as he continued to chew up a piece of fried chicken, but he and Jazz could only shudder at the thought of mayo. Falco and Morton didn't know what the big deal was, but Ginzu loudly declared that mayo was nothing less than an attack on his very culture. In retaliation, Ginzu decided to cook up his own dish, and in moments, had whipped up a few Kids Plate Deksiil. After taking a single bite of the bamboo shoot fries, Jamal instantly declared them rather bad. Falco, on the other hand, found that the wood made them good. But he was in the definite minority. Jamal felt that Ginzu had just gone too far with this one, and he just couldn't agree with it. Jazz was about to try one of the 'fries' when he noticed someone new entering the room.
Denise Richards
Denise entered the pub with a tray of mayo in her hands, and even that couldn't make Jazz avert his gaze. Rei quickly lept up to confront her, claiming that no mayo was allowed in Bennigan's. In the process of confiscating the mayo, she ended up pushing Denise over. Morton couldn't just sit by during all of this, and lept up to reclaim the mayo. He managed to do so, although it caused Rei to spray him with her pressure sprayer, at which point he dropped the mayo anyway. By this time, Denise was back on her feet, and noted innocently that she must have slipped. Noting the spilled mayo which Rei was now mopping up, Denise declared it a good thing that she was carrying an extra bottle. Sitting down between Jazz and a dripping Morton, she told them that she was new here, and that she was looking for some friends. Jazz and Morton both instantly volunteered, and even agreed to let her refer to them as Anton Jackson. In moments, she had them both eating sandwhichs that were virtually slathered in mayo, though Jazz could only do so by getting Ginzu to covertly splash it with soy sauce. Although claiming to be outraged by Jazz's betrayel of his culture, Jamal actually ended up encouraging the DJ. Ginzu was willing to do no such thing, but before he could fully demonstrate his violent anger, another man entered the pub.
More importantly, this newest arrival was carrying a bucket of Fried Chicken, with markings GFC on the side of it. Morton recognised him as the Broker, mainly due to the fact that he was riding on a little scooter, and insisted that no one could catch him. Unless they wanted chicken, that is. In fact, the Broker wanted you...to try the General's fried chicken. Jazz, Morton, Falco and Jamal all readily agreed to do so. They didn't regret doing so, though it did make them rather thirsty, and Morton had to send Lucky into the kitchen for some guiness. Neither Rei nor Ginzu wanted to try this chicken, the former fearing that it might contain some sort of mind-controlling chemical. Denise Richards seemed to have no such fears, and cheerfully added that mayo mixed very well with chicken burgers. This was all the encouragement the Antons needed.
You won't be disappointed when you proceed to page two of this adventure to find out more about the General's fried chicken.
Race: Fenixan
Occupation: Nuclear physicist and Engineer
There are some who would argue that Denise Richards seemed far underqualified for the role of engineer and nuclear physicist, despite her amazing credentials. And while she certainly didn't look very smart, she did look good. In fact, she seemed extremely focused on her own appearance. This included a skin-tight white leather outfit, sunglasses and really big hair. Denise was also known for sometimes wearing a white biker's helmet that revealed her true identity as White She-Devil, especially while riding her motorbike through the station's hallways. Although seemingly an air-hand, she seemed intent on drawing Jazz deep into white culture, which involved feeding him (and everyone else, for that matter) mayonaise at every possible opportunity, and referring to him as Anton Jackson. This mayo also proved just as effective in battle as her wild martial-arts, and both were by far and away better than her acting skills.
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