Adventure Overview
Players: Morton, Ginzu, Rei and Jazz.
Enemies: Undercover Brother, Darth Maul and Count Dooku.
Started: At a tense meeting aboard the Fascination.
Ended: With the departure of Blank.
This adventure began on board the Fascination, in the stylish 88 Lounge. Morton, Jazz, Ginzu and Tintin were seated at the bar, facing off against a horde of Carnival employees. At the moment, they were being questioned by the Captain of a cruise ship, whose only distinct characteristic was the fact that he seemed to be from Italy. N*Sync was also present for the occaison, most of them looking vaguely apologetic. Except for Joey, who still looked like a bad boy, and Matt, who just looked stupid. A crowd was gathered outside the room, chanting the name of Bort. Jazz naturally assumed they were cheering for him, after his and Tintin's amazing pop debut. Unfortunately, the credit for this was swiftly stolen by the real Bort, who was pleased to accept the crowd's adoration. Jazz could only conclude that this Bort really was a jerk. Unfortunately, Bort wasn't the group's biggest concern.
The Fascination's captain was asking probing questions about the incidents that had occured during the concert, and threatened to press charges if the answers weren't to his liking. First of all, he demanded to know why Jazz had not only disrupted the N*Sync concert, but had also beaten up the boy band. Fortunately, Tintin was able to explain that one of N*Sync's members, Joey, had been smuggling drugs, and was thus now under arrest. Looking once again apologetic, Justin declared that the group was really sorry, dawg, and that Joey would just have to go back into rehab. This, however, was still not enought to quell the captain; he also wanted to know why Jazz had thrown a knife into the crowd. The DJ had no ready answer for this one, and so the heat was turned on Morton and Ginzu. The captain didn't believe their story of self-defence was a good explaination as to why they'd shot up Marischal Stanton, the ship's unarmed cruise director. Although confused by this whole proceeding, Ginzu was able to clear himself by pulling out his Sail & Sign card and declaring that he was certified. This fooled the captain into believing that Ginzu was a customer, and thus perfectly entitled to almost anything on the ship. No such misunderstanding protected Morton, but fortunately Admiral Thrawn arrived in the room at this point, accompanied by a pair of Next Generation Red-Shirts. He was angry with the disturbance that his officers had caused on the cruise ship, but declared that the captain shouldn't even have brought his vessel to this station in the first place. After all, this was now a war zone, and no longer safe for civilian vessels. Thrawn promised that a military tribunal would hear the charges against the heroes, but not until the current conflict was resolved. With that, he led the four from the room and back into the station, where they would continue their duties.
Work Log: Having been captured for the past few weeks by Fetta Cheese, the infamous intergalactic bounty hunter, you obviously haven�t been able to do much work. Unless you count cleaning up the ship that brought you back to Epsilon.
Cleaning Incidents:
-The station is a complete mess! Not even in the darkest days of the Litterer did you allow Epsilon to fall into such a state of disrepair. There�s simply too much trash to list here, but suffice to say that the hallways that aren�t coated with bloodstains are covered in crumbs. Some rooms are even etched with something that might be coffee, though it would take a lot of pressure to leave those kinds of marks.
Boiler Room Inventory:
(Things have certainly changed on the station. You must have missed a lot, including almost an entire season of Days of the Week. Catching up could be difficult, especially considering that your precious boiler room appears to have been turned into a morgue. And furthermore, several of your most important items are missing.)
-An old tape full of Pokemon episodes.
-Many rotting corpses.
-Some cool strobe lights.
-Candles, arranged in a vaguely demonic pattern.
-Some old engine parts.
Missing Items of Note:
-Your very old chair.
-Squirttle and your other animals! You�ve gotta catch �em all!
-Your big TV and VCR.
-Some sort of crazy missile.
-A Pressure-Sprayer. Also serves as the ultimate water-gun.
Personal Notes:
-You were surprised to find that being away from the station was much more boring than simply doing your regular duty. After capturing you in a cheese net, Fetta Cheese took you aboard his ship, the Slave 5. He kept you comatose during most of the journey, and by the time you woke up, you had already arrived on Fenixa. Fetta Cheese apparently intended to turn you over to some of the biker gangs that had long been hunting you. The deal only fell through because, despite having hired him to do so in the first place, the bikers had never expected Fetta Cheese to actually succeed in kidnapping you. Thus, they had been completely willing to offer a price which they had no chance of paying. After holding you for several weeks in the hopes that the bikers might reconsider, Fetta Cheese finally released you.
-After being released, you boarded the first Starstreak that was destined for Sector Y. Upon arriving back on the station, you were shocked by its messy state of the station. It�s almost as if they haven�t had any janitorial officers since your departure. Clearly, they need you to get the station back in order, and that�s exactly what you propose to do, as soon as you can convince them to give you back your old job.
Mini-Objective:
-Reclaim your old job as the station�s janitor.
Work Log: Winning Risk was definitely hard work, though certainly not so much so as actually finishing a game. Still, it�s just more proof of your superiority over Johnny, though the latter now claims that Risk involves no skill anyway, and is decided solely based on the randomness of dice. But that�s what gambling�s all about, and you�ve always enjoyed that. That�s why you�re willing to bet that you can get this Drakhaan all fixed up in time for the next encounter with the Red Wings. You doubt Federov will fare so well against you once you�re playing with equal equipment.
Space Fleet Status:
-1 Falcon-X known as the Vesper, reliably protected by The Club. Its ownership remains in limbo, as you have yet to try out the new Drakhaan to see if it meets with your tastes.
-1 Thunderer belonging to Fayde, the only Electran remaining on the station.
-An APC known as The Buick, that is still tied to a Star Pteranadon corpse.
-Custom Falcon belonging to Johnny, also enhanced with several manly stones.
-A flashy Heatwave called the Disco Inferno belonging to Jazz. Despite it�s lack of missiles, it managed to survive an encounter with Star Wolf and the Red Wings.
-A slightly less damaged Drakhaan left behind by the Spherans. You intend to get it back into working condition before long.
Military Supplies:
-11 �slightly-used� Falcon missiles purchased from Crazy Sam.
-8 Heatwave missiles purchased from the GAP.
-4 Space-suits, one sized for an afro.
-2 Crates of dud Falcon-X missiles. You sent an email to arrange a meeting with the Transporter, but Vance has yet to inform you of any reply.
Docked Flights:
-The Excelsior and the Fascination have both departed from the station. It�s too bad that the latter left so quickly; you would certainly have been willing to take back the �fun� from the �fun ship�, along with several other luxury items.
-A standard Starstreak has docked in Space Bay Two. Unfortunately, looting these transports usually nets little more than a package of peanuts, and they�re complimentary anyway.
Personal Notes:
-It looks like some passengers of the Fascination might have been left behind when the cruise ship made its rather abrupt departure. You�ve seen several confused tourists wandering the station, and several of them have even asked you to direct them to the nearest bathroom. You�ve also spotted a mysterious stranger in brown robes and an Armorian mask, although he didn�t seem at all interested in directions to the bathroom.
-From personal experience, you can attest that Drakhaans seem to be real tanks. And you�re the first to admit that a Flying Tank can�t be anything but great. As such, you intend to get this secret weapon into space as soon as possible.
Mini-Objective:
-Fix the Drakhaan. And give it a name.
Work log: Taking down N*Sync was nothing more than your duty, and you accomplished it well. With one of them jailed, hopefully they won�t be able to go on tour again for quite some time. Or call you dawg, which is almost equally annoying. Launching a music career for some Carnival employee named Bort was an unintended consequence of your actions, but really a small price to pay for the service you�ve done to the station and the galaxy as a whole. Groovy!
Jazz�s Playlist: (Basically, a summary of the songs that you currently have on your WinAmp playlist. They quite accurately represent the current most popular and best trends to be found in the music industry).
-The music world is full of buzz about the debut of Bort. An unknown just a few days ago, Bort has risen to become one of the galaxy�s most famous pop sensations. His first single has already hit the radio, and is receiving a lot of playing time. Most interviews with this mysterious Bort seem to paint him as a total jerk, but this has in no way lessened his popularity with the masses.
-Despite highly critical reviews, Johnny Cage�s Uncaged album is selling very well. The star has been going on several promotional tours, travelling to various parts of the galaxy to personally sell his music. It�s advertised to come with a free coaster, although you suspect this is actually a description for the CD itself. Whatever the case, Johnny�s promotions seem to be little more than random battles with annonymous martial-artists who always show up to fight him. Now this guy really knows his Kung-Fu! But soon, yours will be stronger.
Personal Notes:
-Everyone seems to credit this Bort for calming the riot on the Fascination, even though it was actually you, Tintin and an unconscious Joey doing all the singing. You can only conclude that this Bort is a real showboat. That�s just weak, man.
-You�ve heard rumours that another female officer has arrived on Epsilon. This can be nothing but a good thing. Especially given that Commander Zaya hasn�t been leaving her room much lately.
-You happened to notice a really funky guy wandering the halls of the station while you were returning from another visit to Zaya�s room. He was dressed in brown, with a fedorah and he wore some sort of crazy mask. Now that you�ve had some time to consider, you�ve decided that he can only be some sort of reclusive Kung-Fu master, the kind who wander the galaxy and randomly teach any nearby promising pupils amazing moves. Your Kung-Fu is strong, but lessons from this guy might make it even stronger. And then who would be the man? Not Johnny, that�s for sure.
Mini-Objective:
-Find this mysterious masked man and convince him to teach you the ancient secrets of Kung-Fu. Because he clearly must know them.
Work Log: Are you happy to have avoided deportation at the hands of Marischal Stanton? YES! Did it take valuable time away from your cooking? YES! Are you tired of rhetorical questions in your report? YES!!! For great justice, you managed to defeat another agent of the immigration service. Although now that you�ve been located, they may soon send their typical cleaver-wielding agents after you. Hopefully, with all your newly acquired identification, you�ll be able to disuade them.
Specialty of the day: (Warchon Wok�s policy involves serving only the freshest food, often cooked right before the unbelieving customer�s eyes. This section features some of the latest and tastiest Warchon recipes pioneered by the innovative sages over at Warchon Wok headquarters.)
-General Tao�s Spicy Chicken: Another authentic Warchon dish, this one is actually a favorite of one of Warchon�s most famous generals. And just like General Tao, this spicy chicken strikes hard and fast. Few people can survive even their first encounter with the General, and fewer still are willing to wage a second campaign against him. In fact, most people are taken totally by surprise by the General.
-Talk About the Wok: (As a growing chain, Warchon Wok is often featured prominently in the news. As it should be. This section describes some of the more interesting stories that focus on this restaurant.)
-Negative Nationalism � This story strikes quite a bit closer to home than most. Literally. Warchon Wok headquarters has sent out emergancy dispatches to all its outlets about a new pressing threat that faces the company. And this time it�s not due to Armorian lobby groups. Warchor has never agreed with its people intermingling with the rest of the galaxy, and possibly sharing national secrets such as the General�s spicy recipe. Apparently, they have even gone so far as to send assassins after key Warchon Wok employees, and other Warchons in exile. Considering your disgraced status among your Warchon colleagues, you wouldn�t be surprised if you were on the hit list.
Personal Notes:
-More disturbing news has gripped the culinary world. Your old nemesis, Bobby Flay, has secured another cooking show. In ads for this show, he declares that food is exploding all over the galaxy, and he intends to stop it. You would rather stop him. The ads also show that fateful scene from Iron Chef Warchor�s battle with Flay, where he got up on the sacred cutting board and shouted something about raising the roof. Not only is he not a chef, but he doesn�t seem to know much about construction either, considering how hard rebuilding the roof of Kitchen Stadium would be.
-Food continues to disappear mysteriously from the kitchen! And you refuse to believe that it�s actually exploding. You�re glad that you always keep your own supplies with you, but it is still growing annoying. Sneaking food from the fridge is terrible manners, especially when you are present to actually prepare and serve the food for any customer. Clearly, whoever is responsible for this must be taught a lesson in restaurant etiquette that they won�t soon forget.
Mini-Objective:
-Discover who is taking food from the kitchen and put an end to their nefarious ways.
As usual, the action resumed in Bennigan's, now mroe crowded thanks to a number of tourists that had been left behind when the Fascination abruptly departed. So, as Lucky was pleased to say, BARStock had been a great success. As Morton and Jazz entered the pub, they found a few of these tourists taking pictures of Jamal. These hapless folks in Hawaien shirts had thought the stop at Epsilon to be a most excellent shore excursion, and were now taking in the local sights. Such as the mountain otherwise known as Jamal. As the two seated themselves with the 'largest tourist trap on the station and Falco, Ginzu showed up to take their orders. Or, more precisely, to cook his specialty of the day. Everyone at the table was forced to try General Tao's Spicy Chicken, whether they wanted it or not. As Ginzu warned, the General struck fast and hard. Within moments, Jamal, Morton and Jazz were coughing up their portions. Only Falco seemed able to take it, and only with lots of sake to help wash it down. Needless to say, the creation of this new mess set off Rei's janitor senses, and in moments, she burst into the room.
Morton and Falco were most surprised to see her, whereas Lucky and Jamal were both a bit dismayed. The former because he feared he might be captured and placed into another cage, and the latter because it meant he would have to clean up all the donut crumbs piled around him. Indeed, Rei's first priority was to declare that the rapper had best clean up his crumby ways, lest he be forced to accept another gift of mushy donuts in his bunnyhug. She then proceeded to mop up the remains of General Tao's Chicken. Needless to say, Jazz was elated to greet Rei, and offered her some of the General's chicken. Noting the effect this food seemed to have on the rest of the crowd, Rei had to decline the offer. Instead, she stated her intention to seek out Commander Zaya and reclaim her former job. Jazz immediately offered to accompany her, as the prospect of the two station's female officers together in one place was too much for him to resist. With this goal in mind, the two departed Bennigan's on their way to Zaya's room.
By this point, Morton had already slammed back a guiness, and was on his way down to the military bay. Falco came along, commenting that the Drakhaan would make a great ship for Morton, once it was all fixed up. Morton wasn't so eager to commit; while a tank, the Drakhaan couldn't be described as fast by any means, and speed was important to him. Especially when he faced the mocking of Johnny, The Man, who was waiting for the two down in the military bay. Desperate to be rid of the Man's boasting, Morton suggested he go check in on Commander Zaya. On that note, Johnny mentioned rumours that another female officer had come to the station. When Morton confirmed that Rei was on her way to Zaya's office, Johnny literally raced from the room, though not before picking up a Jack-Hammer, which he claimed would make him look more manly. Not that he needed the help. Still, it was better than having Johnny show off by jack-hammering the Drakhaan. That, as it turned out, was Morton's job.
Fixing ships can be hard work, and almost as difficult as tuning them up. Especially when they�re in as bad shape as the Drakhaan left behind by the Red Wings. This ship has taken heavy damage to many of its essential systems, and is truly on the verge of falling apart. Getting it back into flyable condition would be hard work even for someone familiar with this type of Spheran ship.
Fortunately, the Epsilon military bay is equipped with some of the best tools needed for fixing up a ship. And these tools can prove extremely useful, when they�re not stolen by confused and condescending computer scientists. Of course, it�s still extremely important to choose the right tool for the right job.
| Tool | Description |
| Welding Torch | This tool was trusted by Shaimus to do all the work necessary for maintaining the station. But do you really trust his opinion? |
| Wrench | The classic wrench, used by mechanics everywhere. It can also serve as a useful, albeit strange, murder weapon when necessary. |
| Goggles | These flight goggles can be worn to protect the eyes while working on a ship. Unfortunately, they have the unintended effect of making the wearer look like a geek. |
| Jack-Hammer | An electric Jack-Hammer that is excellent for destroying things, and for symbolic protests. These devices are also extremely loud, but that�s a part of their charm. |
Missing Parts
Of course, fixing a ship can be next to impossible without the right parts. And several parts of the Drakhaan appear to have been irrevocably damaged. Only by finding replacements will the ship be made to fly through space once again.
-Engine Accelerator: It takes a powerful engine accelerator to get a large and heavily armored ship like the Drakhaan moving. None of the ones in the military bay can serve as a real replacement.
-Gray Matter Powercell: An advanced Spheran powercell that powers Drakhaans� missile scrambling systems. Finding one of these on a Deksiilan station could prove to be quite challenging indeed.
The first problem confronting Morton was to get the ship back into one piece. This task was best done with a welding torch, and Morton chose accordingly. Of course, Falco did have to note that he looked quite suspicious while welding the ship back together. Still, once that was done he was ready to reconstruct the ship's engines. The wrench came into play at this point, and not for its usual Clue-related purpose. Unfortunately, Morton still managed to botch it. But when it came time to chip the Red-Wing emblem of the ship, he was ready with the jack-hammer. And though he was loath to do so, Morton did eventually don the geeky goggles while applying oil to the Drakhaan. With all this done, the ship looked mostly complete. Still, there were some parts missing. And finding a Spheran Gray Power-Cell seemed like a daunting task. However, Falco declared that he'd heard Jordi talking about getting some in. With this thought in mind, Morton headed over to engineering, in search of the station's harmless chief engineer.
By this time, Rei and Jazz had reached Zaya's office. During the walk there, Jazz had talked incessantly about how great he was. Using her oblivious janitor skills and walkman, Rei was able to completely ignore this self-congratulatory speech. Zaya was surprised to hear that the janitor had returned, but wasn't willing to unlock her door until she knew that Rei was alone. Jazz's presence seemed to reinforce her stance, rather than change her mind. At this point, however, Johnny came running up, Jack-Hammer in hand. He declared himself more than willing to knock down Zaya's door with said hammer, claiming that doing so would clearly impress both women. Thinking fast, Rei declared that she really needed some more Mr. Clean from the boiler room, and that the man who brought it back first would surely have proven something. Mainly how easy they were to manipulate. Regardless, Johnny felt right into the trap, declaring he was always ready to race. Tossing the jack-hammer aside, he ran back towards the turbolift. Jazz didn't follow, but instead insisted on saying a few words in private to Zaya. Eventually, she reluctantly agreed to let him in, and shockingly, his private discussion with her turned out to be quite brief. His business concluded, Jazz declared he would catch up with Rei later.
Now that Jazz was gone, Zaya was ready to speak with Rei. The Commander looked worn and tired, but nevertheless expressed enthusiasm that the janitor had returned. After Rei explained how she had escaped from the cheese man, she asked whether she could get her old job back. Although the station had been lacking a janitor, Zaya admitted that Rei would have to go see Admiral Thrawn if she wanted to re-hired. It appeared that for all intents and purposes, the Admiral was now in direct command of the station. Although Zaya was willing to give Rei a good referance, the commander believed that such a good word would not be seen as an asset by Thrawn. After some futile questions about her paycheque, Rei elected to go visit Jean-Luc Picard, in the hopes that he would be more willing to pass out a favorable referance. Such did not prove to be the case. Upon locatin Jean-Luc on the bridge, she was instead instructed to fill out several bureaucratic forms to explain her absence, the processing of which would surely take four to six weeks. Faced with such an obstacle, Rei's only hope was to use Picard's hatred of Captain Kirk to her advantage. As such, she noted that Kirk was probably a sloppy fellow, one who wouldn't even think of hiring a janitor. This did earn her Picard's endorsement, and he directed her to Admiral Thrawn's room with only a minimal amount of bureaucratic red-tape.
During all of this, Ginzu was busy preparing several cooking campaigns, all of which were led by the General. While doing so, he inquired of Jamal if he had seen anyone coming into the kitchen to steal food. Since the rapper was in the pub at all times, he would surely be aware of anyone carting out large quantities of food. Jamal replied with a hip-hop negative, leaving Ginzu to believe that someone must be using the engineering tunnels. But before investigating, he decided to pay a quick visit to Sam. While on his way to sick-bay, the Warchon happened to notice an unusual figure walking the halls of the upper level. He was shrouded in brown Jedi-robes, complete with long baggy sleeves, and his face was covered by an Armorian mask. Despite Ginzu's best efforts to confront him, this stranger seemed to disappear without a trace. Confused (as always), Ginzu went to see Sam. Despite his initial distrust of Armorians, he was quickly able to enlist Sam's help in searching the engineering tunnels, and the two were quickly lost in the darkness.
By this point, Jazz had returned to Bennigan's, in search of the mysterious masked stranger he had seen wandering the stranger. Luck was on his side, and he found this fellow seated in the pub, ready to share the secrets of martial-arts.
Undercover Brother Prostrating himself before this aloof martial-arts master, Jazz begged to learn the secrets of Kung-Fu. Undercover Brother agreed to teach, but only if the DJ proved himself worthy. And there was only one means of doing so: pointless physical labour. This involved first moving a startled Jamal out of the room, and then back to his table. At this point, an exhausted Jazz was told that Jamal would have to be moved again, since Undercover Brother could not see the television. After accomplishing this considerable feat, Jazz was ready to proceed to the next level. This involved performing errands for Undercover Brother, such as getting him a snack and a cappuchino. Once his hunger was satisfied, the 'wise master' led Jazz back to his room. The final task before learning Kung-Fu involved harnessing all inner energy in the effort to clean up Undercover Brother's room, which was somehow extremely messy. Jazz tried to call up Rei to get the cleaning done, much to Brother's approval, but without success. More hard work later, Jazz was finally finished. With a laugh, Undercover Brother finally cast off his coat and mask and revealed his true identity. After some soultalk, the two were ready for a little Kung-Fu fighting, during which Undercover Brother showed what CIA training was all about.
Please proceed to page two of this adventure if you are bold enough to face the Phantom Menace.
Race: Loracian
Occupation: CIA B.R.O.T.H.E.R. operative
Undercover Brother's true identity was not actually discovered until some time later. That's because he was undercover, as his name would suggest. This disguise included a brown leather trenchcoat, plain white mask and a brown fedorah to hide his massive afro. As a member of the Deksiil's Coursair Intelligence Agency (CIA)'s secret Brother division, Undercover Brother was routinely charged with some of the most dangerous missions. In fact, he had come to space station Epsilon on just such a mission. Posing as a wise, but extremely eccentric martial-arts hermit, the Brother hoped to avoid attracting attention while completing his mission. Not surprisingly, he had attended the university of Tortalus around the same time as Jazz, and the two had been good buddies. And were really very much alike. When not in disguise, Undercover Brother wore a white polyester leisure suit and many gold chains. Although he sometimes claimed to be able to sense 'inner chi', he actually only had the power to feel vibes, usually when women were nearby.
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