Adventure Overview
Players: Mr. Rhyze, Morton.
Enemies: Don Cherry, the media and the Yankees.
Started: After the Mr. Body mystery had been solved.
Ended: With the Epsilon Replacements' victory.
As this adventure opened, Mr. Rhyze and Morton were just recovering after the battle with Moriarty, the master criminal. It was about time that local law enforcement arrived on the scene. Blank, along with a score of Red-Shirts, were dragging away the struggling Mr. Green. All the while, Green protested that Morton was supposed to let him out. The pilot didn't deny taking a bribe, but said he was never planning to help the criminal escape. Capturing the other criminal proved much more difficult. Blank and his squad spread out over the Manor in a vain search for Moriarty. However, they found no trace. Morton and Mr. Rhyze did not join this fruitless search. Instead, they sauntered over to the Billiard Room, intent on a game of billiards. Before they could begin any such match, they were joined by the entire clue cast, Green and Plum excepted.
The burden of command had fallen naturally to the capable Colonel Mustard, who instantly challenged the two protagonists to a game of billiards. Now that Mr. Body was dead, the five remaining friends would each inherit one fifth of his holdings, including the ship. This was slightly contrary to Morton's plans to repossess all useful items from the Manor. In any case, Mustard intended to soon leave the station and resume the journey through space. Disappointed by this inheritance plan, Morton and Mr. Rhyze decided to go for a consolation prize. Heading into the lounge, they decided to take the small coffee-table. This theft was witnessed by a Red-Shirt, who did nothing but nod in a rather confused manner. However, upon exiting the ship, the pair were confronted by Captain Hastings, who could not approve of such an action. He would have arrested them both, had Mr. Rhyze and Morton not manipulated Hastings' lack of willpower. In the end, Hastings told them that he and Poirot intended to leave the station, now that the mystery was solved, and that he had to had to go back to his room and pack. Making good their escape, Morton and Mr. Rhyze took their new table to the military hangar, where they intended to set up a new pilots' lounge.
Work log: Solving all those mysteries left little time for your usual communications work, or Free-cell, for that matter. However, now that the detective has left the station, things should get back to normal. Of course, with all the Blitzball buzz, it's hard for you to focus on anything else.
Incoming Transmissions:
-The Blitzball Intergalactic cup is fast approaching. Although the pairings have yet to be made, tickets are already on sale on the Internet. Unfortunately, they come at a very steep price, and you're not even sure you'll be able to get the time off work.
-In other news, semi-relevant to Blitzball, the Loracian government has started a big crackdown on one of that planet's more dangerous religious cults. It's unusual for the Loracians to take such decisive action, even against such a demented group. Some analysts speculate that the planet is trying to clean up its international image before the Blitzball tournament. The owner of the Lorac Monsoons, Hung, has denied any involvement with this dark cult.
-TBN has announced that Don Cherry, the most colorful Blitzball commentator, will be giving special Blitzball reports from several undisclosed locations over the next few days. The nature of these reports appears to be top secret, and you can't afford to miss them.
Outgoing Transmissions:
-The usual protocol transmissions.
System Status:
-Macrosoft has come up with a new operating system called Windows PX. Despite the bad things being said about it on the internet, your replacement seems intent on installing it on the communications system.
Personal Notes:
-There are reporters on Epsilon. They seem to be filming some sort of news story. You're not quite sure what it's about, but surely a celebrity like yourself should be included in their broadcast. After all, you've been featured in a Blitzball commercial. Surely they will want your opinion on the upcoming Blitzball matches.
-Although you posted your rifle on Ebay several days ago, you have yet to receive any offers that weren't completely ridiculous. Of course, the fact that you're selling a gun that is illegal on many planets might have something to do with the lack of bids.
Mini-Objective:
-Get as much air-time as you can.
Work Log: You and Falco have finally restored the space fleet to full capacity. As if fixing the ships wasn't enough work, you and Falco have also had to pick up the slack of the engineers. Apparently, some small escape pod jettisoned from the Manor and blasted through the door of Space Bay one. Since the engineers seem to be perpetually drunk, it fell to you and Falco to don the red-painted space suits and patch up this hole. Obviously, no one would trust Shaimus with such an important task.
Space Fleet Status:
-3 Falcon Fighters, all fully loaded.
-1 unarmed SG-3 military transport capable of holding 20 people.
-1 fully armed Thunderer, belonging to Fayde.
Military Supplies:
-15 'slightly-used' Falcon missiles purchased from Crazy Sam.
-8 Heatwave missiles purchased from the GAP.
-3 Space-suits complete with oxygen tanks providing fourty minutes of breathable air. Two of these space suits have been painted red, courtesy of the station's new engineer. Using them was never pleasant, but it's now even less enjoyable.
-Welding torches, masks and maintenance supplies. You feel like you have a bucket on your head when you wear ark-welder's mask…
Docked Flights:
-The Scoop, a specially designed Starstreak transport, is docked in Space Bay two. Apparently, it is owned by some television news station. You'd be very interested to find out why it has landed on the station.
-A customized Falcon has landed in the Military Bay. You've been waiting for this ship to return. It seems that Johnny 'The Man' has finally come back to Epsilon.
Personal Notes:
-The time has come to even the score! With the return of Johnny, it is time to organize another race. With your improved piloting skills, 'The Man' will certainly not be feasting on victory again.
-You're still not sure why Neo decided to hack your website. Of course, now that he is behind bars, it shouldn't really matter. Regardless, you want to get your site running again as soon as possible, even if it means including a section on the history of computers.
-There are reporters on the station. They seem to be filming some sort of news story. This could provide a great opportunity to plug both your piloting skills and your revamped webpage.
Mini-Objective:
-Defeat Johnny in a space race.
-Promote yourself and your webpage on the news as much as possible.
Predictably, the action resumed in Bennigan's. Mr. Rhyze and Morton arrived there to find all the tables occupied save the one with Falco and Jamal. Seating themselves at that table, the two placed their orders. Mr. Rhyze's order for milk proved slightly troublesome, as Lucky had to obtain some fresh from an Irish cow. Since Lucky didn't believe in the process of pasturization, Mr. Rhyze decided not to drink it anyway. Meanwhile, Morton and Falco were deep in discussions about the former's website. Mr. Rhyze added to the conversation by bragging about the commercial he had appeared in. Jamal had actually seen this commercial on the pub's television. Of course, the rapper didn't find this quite as impressive as the fact that all those eating with him seemed to have an indefinite supply of donuts. The topic of fame soon turned into discussions of the reporters who were on the station. Jamal was afraid they were from the record labels, and here to interview him. As Jamal put it, the recording industry was 'bad'. Mr. Rhyze assured him that the press was likely there to interview him about Blitzball. The truth would soon be revealed, because at this point the reporter and her crew entered the pub.
Penny Rastipopeles Penny entered Bennigan's, trailed by her cameraman and crew. She decided that their big story needed a situating opening shot, and the Irish pub provided the perfect setting. She had barely finished introducing herself on camera when Rastipopeles shouted cut. Apparently, the boom-mike was in the shot. This turned out to be a fairly occurence. In this momentary pause, Mr. Rhyze and Morton lept up to assist the news team. Both were offering newsworthy items, which turned out to mostly be their own exploits. Morton was first to speak, and told Penny that she would definitely want to do a story on the haxoring of his website and his subsequent capture of this hacker. Penny was impressed by the mention of the Web, figuring that such things must appeal to ever-important youthful demographic. Morton assured her that it would make a great interest story. However, Mr. Rhyze was quick to cut him off and mention his own Blitzball fame. Considering the proximity of the Blitzball Intergalactic Cup, any mention of the sport was sure to draw attention. Penny agreed to interview them, but only when they looked their best. Which meant the pair would have to fix up their remaining injuries.
A short trip to Sam's later, the two were before the camera and ready for their interview. However, this media attention proved more difficult than either had expected. Penny would constantly draw the interview back to herself, and the boom-mike was almost always lowered into the shot. Morton put a hand on the offending mike to hold it out of the picture, but only earned the enimity of the boom-mike handler. As such, Morton was 'accidently' struck by the boom-mike several times over the duration of the interview. Of course, no one really knew why a boom-mike was necessary, considering Penny already carried a microphone herself. That was just the way show-business worked. However, Morton and Mr. Rhyze were able to take center stage by making hugely controversial statements about Blitzball. Mr. Rhyze made several allegations about the Lorac Monsoon, their voodoo powers, and their associations with an evil cult. He even went so far as to call them the 'Evil Team'. Of course, Morton knew nothing about Blitzball, which made his statements even more outrageous.
Race: Electran
Occupation: Reporter
Penny was a self-proclaimed star reporter for N.E.W.S. news. A woman with short blond hair, a white suit, she made good use of her dazzlingly white teeth to steal the spotlight on every story. Although she was always trying to find a scoop, she wanted to be sure that she herself was in the center of it. Penny came to Epsilon accompanied by her camera crew, which she had only met very recently. She didn't seem to be hunting any particular story, but would gladly film any controversy she could find. As long as she could be featured prominently in any such interview.
Race: Chalchakian
Occupation: Cameraman
Penny's cameraman seemed to know a lot more about what was going on than she did. Though his name was not discovered for some time, Rastipopeles was constantly accompanying Penny, lugging a heavy camera and leading an inept boom-mike handler. He was a big, bearded man in a brown stiped suit and broad-brimmed hat. As the expression goes, he was the one 'calling the shots'. He was also in charge of the camera crew, which consisted of several generic guys in suits.
Mr. Rhyze and Morton's undisputed air-time was suddenly interupted by the appearance of an extremely photogenic man. In fact, you could even call him 'The Man'. The fellow who strode into Bennigan's was a Tortalian with slick blond hair and a stylish purple jacket. He wasted no time in introducing himself as Johnny 'The Man' and leaping in front of the camera. Although Penny was more than pleased to do a feature interview with Johnny, Morton wanted nothing to kind. As such, he shoved 'The Man' out of the way and sent the latter tumbling into a table. Johnny was on his feet in moments, but his fall had disturbed the man who had been sitting alone at that table. The latter rose slowly and loomed threateningly over Johnny, hefting a lead pipe menacingly. Indeed, if not for the presence of TV cameras, Shaimus might well have acquainted Johnny fully with this leadpipe. Instead, the engineer left with a glower and a threat to all present. Once Shaimus was gone, Morton challenged Johnny to a race. 'The Man' accepted this rematch. In fact, he had come back to the station after seeing Morton's boasting webpage, wanting to put the Epsilon pilot back in his place. Falco was ready to referee such a contest, and even willing to take on the winner himself. All matters decided, the three headed down to the Military Hangar.
Flying a space ship is one thing, but flying it fast is something else entirely. Racing requires real space skill that can't only be learned from a sheltered flight simulator. It can often be dangerous, but those who rise to this challenge often share a need for both speed and danger.
The following are just a few of the moves that can be executed in a space race. In order to perform the move, a pilot must make the required check. Success means the pilot gain the Speed of the move. The higher the speed, the faster the ship is going. Note that certain maneuvers will be more effective in certain circumstances, and thus the speeds listed will not be accurate for all situations. Also note that all the difficulties listed are for those with Space Flight 3.
| Maneuver | Difficulty | Speed | Description |
| Full Throttle | x3 Dex | 20 | A pilot flies the ship at its maximum speed. |
| Blast-Off! | x4 Dex | 10 | The pilot engages the ship's engines and accelerates quickly. |
| Bump | x4 Dex, h:40 | 12, -5 | With a successful hit, the pilot bumps an opposing ship, causing it to lose some speed. |
| Evasive Action | x3 Dex + 10 | 15 | The pilot takes evasive action, avoiding any obstacles. |
| Breakin' Up | x2 Dex | 27 | A pilot flies a ship faster than its maximum speed, possibly having a Scotty effect on the vessel. |
Morton and Johnny lept into their custom Falcons and blasted-off out of the hangar. The race was on, and it was tight. Johnny was able to gain an initial advantage by bumping Morton into a gravitational pull. However, Morton closed up the distance on the straight flight through space by breakin' up numerous times, something Johnny seemed unwilling to do in his precious Falcon. After evading a few asteroids, the two pilots found themselves being fired on by a number of space rays. However, they were easily able to avoid these electric blasts and zoomed back out into deep space. As they angled out of the belt, both noticed that they were not alone. A very large, blimp-like ship was slowly moving through space, towards Epsilon. A number of smaller transport ships seemed to circle around this larger craft. This was indeed a strange sight, but Morton did not dare take the time to contact this new vessel. Instead, it took all his concentration to keep up with Johnny as the two raced back towards the station.
As they approached the hangar doors, the two ships were dead even. Neither pilots would dare slow down, so both blasted into the hangar at top speed. However, landing proved too much for even their skills, and both ships streaked into the back wall of the hangar, exploding into fiery shrapnel. Falco watched in disbelief from his own falcon, and declared the race too close to call. Both pilots stumbled from the wreckage of their ships, gaping at the destruction they had caused. Johnny was stricken by the loss of his custom fighter, and Morton's state wasn't much better. Not only was Johnny stranded on the station, but Morton had earned himself a great deal of repairing, likely in addition to a reprimand from his commanding officers. Ruefully, Falco concluded that he wouldn't be going up against the winner of the race.
Back in Bennigan's, things were wrapping up. Finished with her interviews, Rastipopeles suggested that Penny go freshen up. After she had left, the cameraman turned his attention on Mr. Rhyze. The communications officer was happy to help with anything that might get him some more press coverage. As they spoke, the boom-mike handler lowered his namesake tool into their view. Rastipopeles stated that N.E.W.S. was doing a series of documentary specials on the Deksiilan Starfleet. It intended one such story to feature Commander Zaya, as the youngest officer promoted to Commander of a space station. Rastipopeles was hoping that Zaya might be willing to grant them some exclusive interviews. He judged that Mr. Rhyze seemed like an influential officer, and thus might be able to approach the Commander on this issue. Mr. Rhyze agreed to do so, provided he got some more coverage himself. As the two parted, an announcement over the intercom summoned Mr. Rhyze to the bridge. Apparently, a large ship was approaching the station.
As Mr. Rhyze relieved his replacement, Picard briefed him on the situation. A large ship, designated the SpaceDome, was approaching the station. It was accompanied by a number of smaller transports. No such ships were expected, and the station's top brass were concerned by the SpaceDome's appearance. Mr. Rhyze hailed the craft, and soon got a response. At Zaya's command, the transmission was put on screen, and the owner of the SpaceDome appeared before their unbelieving eyes.
George Steinbrenner The screen showed the back of Steinbrenner's chair, against the backdrop of the Yankees Blitzball team logo. Steinbrenner was in the process of messily devouring a breadbowl, and raving about how satisfying that act proved to be. Zaya prompted him to identify himself, which he did. After which, he declared his intentions. He had heard rumours that this station housed several good Blitzball players, and had come to challenge the Epsilon team. At the same time, the SpaceDome would also resupply. The other ships hovering about turned out to belong to the media. With the Blitzball Cup approaching, anything Blitzball related inevitably turned into a media circus. Zaya was reluctant to grant all these requests, especially considering the fact that Epsilon really didn't have a full Blitzball team. In addition, Picard was set against any use of a military station for a sporting activity such as Blitzball. Even Mr. Rhyze's mention of the fact that Captain Kirk would likely disapprove of Steinbrenner's proposal didn't sway him. Picard concluded that Kirk would likely engage in just such a game, likely wagering the lives of his entire crew on the result.
The commanders were on the point of refusing Steinbrenner's challenge, when the latter was suddenly pushed off the screen by a familiar figure. Daikon-7 stepped into view and addressed the bridge crew. As a patron and sponsor of Blitzball, he had been travelling with Steinbrenner as a prelude to the Intergalactic Cup. As his corporation also sponsored the station, he had cometo visit for a personal inspection. He hoped that his money was being well spent, and that the Epsilon team would put forth a good image before the intergalactic media. This settled the issue. Not even Picard was willing to protest against the station's corporate sponsor. Zaya gave the go-ahead for the SpaceDome to dock. Daikon-7 invited them to come down to Steinbrenner's office to arrange the details of the game. That said, the transmission was concluded.
Race: Deksiilan
Occupation: Eccentric owner of the SpaceDome
Whenever he appears, George Steinbrenner is always seated in a brown leather armchair. He also always has his back to other characters, no matter which angle they address him from. As such, the only features that can discerned are the fact that he has a head (or at least the back of one) and some hands. He also has grey hair, and an inordinate passion for breadbowls. Steinbrenner could be considered both wealthy and eccentric, and has spent part of his fortune to create a mobile Blitzball stadium and his own Blitzball team, the Yankees. He travels the galaxy in the SpaceDome, challenging other amateur teams to Blitzball matches, and making what some analysts call 'extremely bad trades'.
Obviously, Epsilon was going to need a Blitzball team. Mr. Rhyze and Keepa were definitely going to be a part of it, but that still left half the slots unaccounted for. In any case, Zaya ordered Mr. Rhyze to accompany her aboard the SpaceDome. On their way down there, the two encountered Morton. Having seen a live game of Blitzball at Starbase, he volunteered to accompany them and share what little knowledge he had about the sport. Soon, the three were crossing the boarding passage which led into the giant SpaceDome. Surprisingly, the entry hallway of the ship was mostly empty. Evidently, the press hadn't yet had time to converge on the area. Only one man stood in the hallway, ostensibly mopping the carpet. Although he claimed at first to be only the janitor, it was later learned that he was so much more.
Tintin Noting the janitor's distinctive hairstyle, the three proceeded down the red-carpeted corridor until they reached the large double doors at the end. In so doing, they passed several other doorways labelled 'Cafe' and 'Yankee Stadium'. With only momentary hesitation, Zaya pushed open the door and led the other two into George Steinbrenner's office. They found themselves staring at the back of Steinbrenner's chair, as the eccentric millionaire devoured another bread bowl. Daikon-7 stood off to one side, looking about as smug as usual. Logistic details were quickly worked out before Steinbrenner got down to the real issue. Morton took this opportunity to ask Daikon-7 about the possibility of receiving more ships. The sponsor replied that he might be willing to do so, if his inspection of Epsilon turned up satisfactory results. It seemed that the Epsilon Blitzball team would also have to meet his approval. At this point, Steinbrenner demanded to speak to the coach of the Epsilon team. Under the description that a coach would get lots of media attention, and the ability to be interviewed for no real reason at all, Morton agreed to the job. Steinbrenner reluctantly told him that one of the Yankees had recently been injured during the game, and so it would have to be a three on three match. Moments after the details of this injury were discussed, the door to the study burst open to admit a very famous man.
Don Cherry Don was loud in voicing his approval of any man injured by a good, clean hit. He had seen Mr. Rhyze play Blitzball with the Crescent Moons at the Starbase station, but wanted if an Epsilon team had what it would take to go all the way. As such, they would have to take on Don Cherry himself to prove their team's might. All three Starfleet officers were skeptical about this, but Daikon-7 noted that Don Cherry was an extremely influential journalist, whose respect was critical for any Blitzball team to be taken seriously. So, at Don's loud urgings, Morton and Mr. Rhyze lept to the attack. The battle proved more intense than either could believe. Don Cherry's tacky suit jacket seemed to protect him from many blows. Not only that, neither of the two heroes had the willpower to resist his obnoxious rant. They still fought bravely, but Morton was soon taken down by Cherry's overwhelming strategy. This left only Mr. Rhyze, and he was almost floored by a good, clean hit from the host of Coach's Corner. This hit managed to destroy Steinbrenner's desk, but the latter didn't seem to mind. Mr. Rhyze was on his knees, but Cherry hardly looked injured. However, he concluded that they had delivered enough solid hits to earn his respect.
Race: Deksiilan
Occupation: Journalist?
A fairly short man, Tintin always wore a blue sweater and brown pants. His orange hair was done in a most peculiar style, which peculiarly enough, had grown to become quite popular. Initially, he masqueraded as a janitor, and his disguise included a trenchcoat and a mop. However, it was later learned that he was actually an extremely popular journalist, who almost never did any reporting. In fact, he seemed to spend most of his time discovering vast conspiracies and stumbling into incredibly dangerous situations. In battle, he could use a powerful knockout punch, which could drop weak foes in a single blow. He also had french exclaimations, which would be sure to baffle any opponent. Sapristi!
Race: Deksiilan
Occupation: Blitzball Commentator
Perhaps the most famous of Blitzball icons, some have suggested that Don Cherry has more influence over the sport than any of the top players. He has served as an expert commentator for TBN (The Blitzball Network) for many years, and enjoys nothing more than a good, clean hit. Although his white hair and goatee would suggest an advanced age, Don is still in excellent condition. He wears very tacky green and red checkered suits with matching bowties, and is known for his colorful rants on the current state of Blitzball. His salary is also overwhelming. As the host of Coach's Corner, he has been analysing Blitzball championships for many years. As a prelude to this year's Intergalactic Cup, Cherry has travelled throughout the galaxy to deliver all the important Blitzball news.
Morton woke up moments later to find the battle concluded. Daikon-7 and Zaya congratulated the two on their efforts. Steinbrenner seemed more impressed by his latest bread bowl. Obviously, Morton would need time to prepare his Blitzball team before the big game. As such, Zaya led them out of the office and into the hallway, which was much more crowded than before. The media was everywhere, asking them all about various rumours which were completely unfounded. Even Penny and Rastipopeles were there to get the comments of the 'Epsilon Blitzball team'. Zaya brushed the reporters aside and kept moving, but she was eventually stopped by a smartly dressed reporter in white pants. He turned out to be named Keith, and he thought the Epsilon Blitzball team was fantastic, quite possibly the best team ever. Morton and Mr. Rhyze both stopped to give him a few comments, and also asked about his white pants. Keith noted that it was a labor day, and thus his white pants were a big fashion no-no. Needless to say, he had been demoted from his post as an anchorman. After these elucidating comments, the three officers finally broke free of the cage of press microphones. Back in Epsilon, Zaya delegated Morton with the task of readying the Blitzball team. In the meantime, she would make preparations for Daikon-7's inspection of the station. At the moment, the Epsilon team consisted of only Keepa and Mr. Rhyze, which meant that Morton would have to find a third player, and find them fast.
Please proceed to Section Two of this adventure.
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