Ambrose - Instructor's Report 2

Recent Duties: Even with all your recruiting efforts, your class is still smaller than Strider`s surprisingly popular Covert Ops. And that`s not even counting the problems you`ve had in retaining your students. Of course, arresting Fatty didn`t much help in keeping your numbers up. And that Mugsy almost might as well have dropped, having only shown up once in the past week. Still, you are more than capable of reminding yourself that despite its small size, your class is still the most refined and important of all, simply because of your presence at its podium.

Faculty Relations: (Rounding out your list of first impressions.)

-Samuel de Champlain might not understand modern theories of policing, but at least he does know how to dine properly. In fact, you`ve spent several evenings (or soirees, as he calls them) feasting with him on succulent game and reminiscing on the splendours of french culture. He even gave you a Petit Robert french/english dictionary to help you translate his inspired dialogue.

-Strider seems a distinctly unfriendly sort, who likely believes that covert operations are all about crouching in bushes and wearing ratty clothing. About the only redeeming thing about him is his pipe, which does seem to emit an essence of friendliness and dignity, in addition to smoke.

Personal Notes:

-Although the accomodations for faculty are much more posh than those reserved for students, they're still lacking a little je ne sais quoi. It definitely seems that even the highest stations at this Academy are below the lifestyle you're used to leading, and if you're going to be spending the next five weeks here, you obviously expect to be treated with more dignity and respect. Even in the little things. For example, the staff dining area is disgracefully referred to as the Mess Hall. Would it not be inifitely more refined to refer to it as the Executive Dining Establishment?

-On the topic of accomodations, you've been selected to accompany Major Pain on a surprise inspection of the student dormitories this afternoon. This should give you a good chance to revel in the superiority of your furnishings, while at the same time discovering who is responsible for all the loud rock music that's constantly blasting throughout the facility. Unfortunately, this also means spending some time with the Major, who might be every bit as loud as the offending music.

-Apparently the Ford automobile company has a contract with the Academy allowing them to product place their latest vehicles while putting interested students through driver's training. They're supposed to show up sometime today, along with their new Ford Focus. It's supposedly quite a popular new vehicle with good maneuverability, though certainly lacking the indelible class of your own Origina Silver.

Mini-Objective:

-Increase the dignity of your circumstances through any means possible.

(Please keep a list of all the ways in which you`ve increased your quality of life.)

John McGuire – Recruit's Report 2

Recent Duties: The first week of classes has come and gone, and the only thing it's taught you is that these recruits aren't just a danger to themselves, but also to each other. At least it seems to have helped toughen up some of the soft hobbits. Particularly Merry, who really nailed that firearms training class last week.

Room Status: You're used to living in low-class dives. Good thing too, 'cause it didn't take long for your dorm room to start looking like the scene of a major bar brawl. This includes:

-Cigarettes and their ashes all over the place. Given the Academy's policy on smoking, it's no surprise you couldn't find a decent ash tray. So your bed had to do.

-A haze of smoke that hangs perpetually in the air, enough to addict a new recruit.

-A contraband hotplate and a pot of coffee. Hotplates are strictly forbidden, but you needed some way to have your coffee fix ready at all hours of the day and night.

Hunches: (You met the rest of the instructors during the last week.)

-Cimarron definitely knows his way around guns. He doesn't seem to be a big advocate of gun control, unless he's the one in control, and that's an attitude you totally agree with.

-Mrs. Keen is even older than you are! And quite possibly more bitter and jaded. Of course, being a lunchroom supervisor is sure to toughen anyone up.

-Joachim teaches close combat fighting (which you believe should still mostly be conducted with guns), but you've heard he also moonlights as something of a masked superhero. A very minor superhero.

Personal Notes:

-The TV in the entertainment room only has like two channels. You've heard that a grassroots movement is forming, led by young Pippin, to hook up some real cable. Of course, all the official cable companies are just out to rip you off. They're only interested in the big mamoo. Fortunately, you happen to know an underground soviet cable guy by the name of Antonov who can hook up the juice for a mere fraction of the price. It pays to have street contacts.

-Word on the street is that infamous thief and burglar Jimmy the Hands has just recently escaped from prison. You've never personally had dealings with this mug, but you've heard that his 'Hand Clan' used to be one of the more resourceful gangs on the streets of Cormus.

-Looks like Millernia is actually going ahead with your interogation lectures, though she's chosen to call it a seminar on the dangers of peer pressure. Whatever. You've heard that Mrs. Keen has even prepared some special snacks for those attending this event. Since it was your idea in the first place, you'll definitely be there, along with a couple bottles of contraband to help you wash down the free food.

Mini-Objective:

-Make sure you're at the seminar so you can mooch as much food as possible.

Neji – Recruit's Report 2

Recent Duties: The first week of classes has come and gone, and it has left you only more determined to prove your valor. This education is certainly nothing like the one you received back home. You've never before been able to appreciate the motivational effects of derogatory comments, a teaching method used primarily by Major Pain. His accusations of spinelessness have only persuaded you to try harder in order to prove him wrong.

Room Status: You're used to living light, with few material possessions to your name. As such, your dorm room here is almost as sparse and spare as the chambers you occupied back home. Which isn't to say your room is entirely empty. It still holds:

-A makeshift altar. You've been doing your mystic prayers and meditations in private since arriving at the Academy.

-Many candles, set up to form oddly compelling ritual symbols. You've been very careful with them, but somehow wax still seems to have dripped onto the carpet.

Mystic Rumblings: (Katra is all around, ever willing to share its secrets to those capable of listening to it. You count yourself among them.)

-Though he was your foe, you got no great sense of evil from Farmer Maggot. In fact, you sensed that in different times and circumstances, he might well have been your ally. No, the greatest force of evil at this Academy remains the enigmatic Black Rider. A week has passed since your sightings of this mysterious figure, but you don't believe for a minute that they will be your last.

Personal Notes:

-Although you're still not entirely convinced of John Watson's competence, you have to admit that his assistance in the battle against the farmers does suggest that he might actually be trustworthy. Though you still wouldn't want to put you life in the hands of a 'doctor' who seems to care more about crime than medical procedures.

-Over the last week, you've provided the impressionable young Hobbits with a shining example of good behaviour. Except for that Fatty, who was removed from the Academy following his disgraceful treachery. This is just the sort delinquency you've been trying to prevent.

-Instructor Millernia must have noticed the way the Hobbits look up to you. She's invited you to help conduct a seminar on the dangers of peer pressuire after classes today. This should be a good opportunity to reinforce all the lessons you've taught your young colleagues, and to ensure that they remain on the path of righteousness. Plus, Millernia mentioned that special refreshments will be served in the entertainment center to accompany the event. That sounds inviting, so long as 'special refreshments' isn't another police code for coffee and donuts. They seem to have many euphemisms for that meal.

Mini-Objective:

-Ensure that the Hobbits attend the seminar, and that it runs smoothly.

John Watson – Crime Doctor 2

Recent Duties: The first week of classes has come and gone, leaving you with the firm impression that you're overqualified for the role of a student. Almost everything you've been taught so far has been nothing more than an elementary observation of the sort that might be taught at an elementary school. Unfortunately, judging from the acumen of your fellow students, the level of teaching might well be appropriate.

Room Status: Although it's a poor substitute for 221 Baker Street, you've still done your best to turn your dorm room into a fitting practice for the Crime Doctor. This has included setting up:

-Your massive chemistry set, complete with many sets of bubbling, steaming beakers and complex structures of glass tubing.

-An old-fashioned gamophone that can play violin music. Your erstwhile colleague, Sherlock Holmes, once used this item to spread the false pretense that he knew how to play the violin. This memory is still enough to make you bristle with indignation.

Newspaper Headlines: (You've always believed it a benefit to read from a large selection of daily newspapers, in order to achieve a more holistic viewpoint. Because that's what some people think science is all about.)

-The London Guardian has a section today on a new model of a very popular automobile. You've always preferred the more old fashioned modes of transportation, such as trains and lorries, but as a man of science, you can but admit that this Ford Focus sounds like a marvel of modern engineering. The adveristing campaign that accompanies it, however, is not. It's all about Expecting More..., and quite frankly, you do expect more...from an advertisement for such a major product.

Mysteries:

-You've spent some time pondering the appearance of the mysterious Black Rider. This also involved putting your Baker Street Irregulars on the alert. Pippin and Merry seemed excited by the prospect of this dark mystery, while Frodo and Sam reacted in quite the opposite manner. In fact, you were able to infer that Frodo had already experienced one of these sightings firsthand.

Personal Notes:

-It's been a long time since you've had to put up with the stresses of student life. And one of the biggest stresses has always been your colleagues. Just like in college, you find the people seated around you to be frustratingly dim and apathetic. The most irritating thing of all is that they never seem to acknowledge your obviously superior knowledge and abilities. Though their lack of awareness never seemed to stop them from idolizing Holmes. Thank goodness he's not around this time, and so you'll finally be able to get the credit that you so richly deserve.

Mini-Objective:

-Show up as many people as possible. Especially fellow students.

(Please keep a clear list of all the people you've effectively topped.)

Wheatie – Recruit's Report 2

Recent Duties: The first week of classes has come and gone, way too quickly for your liking. In fact, you'd hardly know that the term was a sixth over based on the paltry amount of homework you've been assigned. How are you supposed to demonstrate the skills that you've learned without enough submittable assignments? Furthermore, some of your fellow students have really been distracting you during class by like coming in late and asking annoyingly obvious questions. Unfortunately, this is business as usual, at least where you're from.

Room Status: As usual, you've turned your room into your own private study hall, where you can pursue literary and homework endeavors without interruption. This includes:

-As many books as you're allowed to take out of the library at once, and a few more that you brought from home. They're scattered in messy piles all over your room.

-A thick blanket of dust hangs in the air, doubtless due to the fact that many of the books you took out of the library hadn't been touched in decades, though you can't imagine why this would be the case. They're so interesting!

Book Report: (Of course, you have many textbooks to read, though most were actually assigned by Samuel de Champlain, and are actually only manuscripts. Still, you've managed to find some time for recreational reading.)

-The Academy library has an impressive collection of older John Grisham novels. You've already read most of them, but they're such classics that you don't mind picking them up again. The Firm is one of your favorites. It's a legal thriller that features an older, but still dashing lawyer who has to take on the case against a powerful mob boss with influential connections. The lawyer's name is Tom, which totally sets him apart from all of Grisham's other protagonists. It's a great read.

Notes from Home:

-You received your first letter from your parents! They don't seem too concerned about your transfer. In fact, your dad even notes that this might be a good way for you to 'toughen up'. You don't like the sound of that at all. Ironically, your mom included a note admonishing you not to get so distracted with your books that you forget to eat healthy meals everyday. Of course, since there are no such meals here at the Academy, you're sure it's fine if you cut meal hours short to get in some extra reading time.

Personal Notes:

-All your classes are amazing! Well, except for that CQC one, which doesn't even have a textbook. Although you've kept up to date with all the course material, you're still a bit concerned that you might not yet have sufficiently distinguished yourself from the proverbial pack. If some of your professors choose to grade on a curve, you might end up bunched somewhere in the middle! This must not be allowed to occur! To that end, you plan to go to any lengths necessary to impress all your instructors.

Mini-Objective:

-Find a way to impress all of your professors.

Caesar – Recruit's Report 2

Recent Duties: The first week of classes has come and gone, fortunately with only one near-death experience on your part. Policework really must be dangerous, considering that just the training almost sent you hurtling through death's door. Still, all you've got to do is survive five more weeks so that you can graduate. A framed diploma from the Academy should be all the proof that the Enchiro family needs.

Room Status: You've wasted no time in settling into your dorm room. And in your case, the settling involves a lot of re-arranging, stains and destruction. This includes:

-A giant bed fortress, strategically placed in the center of the room. This was built by pushing the two beds together in such a manner that they form a united front in the face of any intruders. And also function as a really big bed.

-Many cans of eXtreme Mountain Dew, some empty and others not. This, in turn, has led to eXtremely sticky pop stains all over the floor and walls.

-A very loud stereo system that pumps out eXtreme beats at all hours of the day, and most of the night as well. Fortunately, the combination of Mountain Dew and old electronics has yet o lead to any sort of disaster, though it may only be a matter of time.

Personal Notes:

-The picture of you standing next to the Academy's giant logo has been sent to Yumi. Hopefully snail mail will be able to crawl past her parents' filter. If not, you may just have drive by on a bike and pick her up. Hey, it worked on Fenixa.

-Speaking of Fenixa, you're starting to feel some culture shock that is apparently common to intergalactic travellers. You might even be at the stage known as hostility and anger. Most of this is directed towards the poor television available at the entertainment center. Frankly, the Discovery channel just doesn't cut it for you. You would much rather be catching up on your favorite Fenixan programming, such as Dirt-Bike Racing and Nunchuk Chicks. There's gotta be a way to get a wider array of programming.

-You've noticed that this Academy has an external garage located near the main compound. Apparently, some of the instructors have some very nice vehicles. Peering inside, you even saw a bike in there. Unfortunately, entering the garage requires the use of a code known only by instructors, and thus you were unable to get a closer look.

Mini-Objective:

-Get cable for the television in the entertainment center so you can catch up with all your favorite shows.

Apparently Watson was the only person who wasn't himself a giant slob in some way. Anyways, McGuire had a room full of toxic smoke, Wheatie was full of books, and dust from his books. Neji had a dark altar to darkness, or possibly just some candles, Caesar had Mountain Dew cans and Mountain Dew everywhere, even in his bed fortress. Watson just had explosion detritus, and a gramaphone, which is clearly junk. Rooms were cleaned by combining the powers of Broom, Mr. Clean, Roomba, Bomb Disposal Suit, Biohazard Suit, and Bins. With their powers combined, Caesar, Watson and... McGuire? That mighty triad had totally clean rooms. Muster was indeed passed.

Then classes occurred, after a bunch of peer pressuring hobbits into attending seminars about peer pressure and how to avoid it. Social Skills class consisted of implying that Mugsy was illiterate, which is a fair enough implication. Also, Watson is an arrogant jerk. Then Major Pain had class, with a game called "Duck, Duck, Gratuitous Violence" wherein Merry was beaten mercilessly. Mr. Keen probably talked about donuts and kids sucking.

Period 2, Ambrose giving a lecture on... stuff. Disguise... blending in. Anyways, Fatty was a convincing head chef at such events as babysitting and sports locker rooms, and Mugsy was a horrible businessman. Watson and... Merry tried to use logic in their choice of disguise, which was clearly a mistake. Except for Merry winning the championship belt of disguise. Strider had a covert ops class of tag wherein Caesar was in team Very Loud and Impetuous... for about 5 seconds. Then Neji hit Frodo with a rock and terrified him with her unblinking eyes. Or unpupilled eyes. Either way, terror. Way later Neji was captured, despite such tactics as using McGuire as bait. Then Samuel had another class about being a delusional French explorer/cop.

Then it was Cimarron's turn, as he totally chickened out and give Pippin blanks. Not very patriotic says I. Then... they shot stuff. Probably targets, or the wall in the general direction of the target. Elvis. Right in the sideburn. Then there was Joachim's class, where the students made masks out of construction paper and equally flimsy secret identities. This was followed with a match between the Harvester and the Grand Nain, which ended in tragic defeat as the Harvester realized he was Wheatie and collapsed from a single blow. Then a pathetic continuation of the match occured with the Grand Lapin attacking Grand Nain, who adjusted his belt. Thankfully class was dismissed before Joachim could slaughter everyone in a violent bloodbath.

Then the peer pressure seminar occurred, with Wheatie using volunteers to show that drugs were bad, mmmkay? Concurrently, Caesar was taking driver's ed from the Ford Focus. Or possibly the person with a clipboard. It turned out starting cars is horribly complex. Back at the seminar, Russian cable men stole cable then smashed the TV when no one paid 150. OK. So, people beat him up. Yeah.

Then Ford Focus and Jimmy the Hand totally stole Ambrose's spiffy car. Which had previously been moved outside for maximum visibility. This lead to a chase... eventually, after everyone jumped in and out of vehicles several hundred times. Caesar raced up the grid road on Cimarron's bike, with everyone else taking way more complex/ineffective routes. After taking the single corner in a smooth spinning out to a complete stop, Caesar barely managed to stop Ambrose's car in time. By totally sacrificing Cimarron's bike. He then stabbed Jimmy the Hand and got knife handed into unconsciousness. Then the jeep drove up and sadly decided not to smash the car more. After that horrible decision, Neji, McGuire and Wheatie started fighting Jimmy. Wheatie did so by hiding behind the jeep and throwing rocks when he ran out of psi points. Eventually the slowpokes arrived and Watson and Ambrose arrived in time to take mostly undeserved credit. In the end, Jimmy the Hand was defeated, a bike exploded, and Ambrose had damage to his car. A fairytale ending.

Note: Special thanks to Caesar for writing this summary.

Mrs. Keen
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Police Academy Instructor
The most descriptive thing that can be said about Mrs. Keen is that she's doubled as the Police Academy's lunchroom supervisor for longer than most of its students have been alive. Unsurprisingly, this makes her both unbelievably old and incredibly bitter. She has short gray hair, a whole lot of wrinkles, an old dark jacket and an apron. Her methods of maintaining order in the lunchroom varied from cynical complaining to an upraised finger, though they have all proven futile in the face of youthful hijinks. Mrs. Keen also teaches a class on Nutritional Replenishment, which is all about donuts and coffee, the only things at the Academy possibly as old as Mrs. Keen herself.

Antonov
Race: Terrorian
Affiliation: Underground Cable Installer
Apparently an acquaintence of John McGuire, Antonov is a former Soviet cable installer who has since relocated to the Deksiilan underground. Now offering his services on the black cable market, he is willing to hook up any number of channels, provided the price is right. Irrate customers have discovered that these price negotiations often only occur after the job has been done, and usually involve an alluminum baseball bat. Still, Antonov would maintain that it's better than the cable companies, who are only interested in the big mamoo. Although Terrorian, Antonov's only deformity seems to be his incredibly sloppy attire, which includes an untucked flannel shirt and ripped jeans. Otherwise, Antonov could be described as stocky and gruff, with greasy graying brown hair and an inability to speak galactic.

Jimmy the Hands
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Criminal and Carjacker
When Jimmy the Hands first appeared in the campaign, he was posing as an employee of the Ford motor company, sent to the Academy to provide police driving lessons to the recruits. This also gave Ford a chance to product place all its latest vehicles, including the afForddable Ford Focus. In order to maintain his disguise, Jimmy quickly tapped into Ford's Expect More Flattery advertising campaign and dressed like the guy in their posters. This meant a shaved head, crappy mustache and khaki clothing. However, Jimmy was eventually unmasked as the leader of Hand-Clan, a group of burglars and carjackers once infamous on the streets of Cormus. In combat, Jimmy had hands of fury, in addition to great focus and an ability to Expect More Damage.