Neji – Beat Cop's Report 20

Recent Duties: Not only were you successful in providing security for the big Izael Foundation fundraiser, but you also proved adept as a political lobbyist. That was only two days ago, and already the Precinct 13 building has been reopened. Repairs are still in progress, but at least you have the semblance of a proper work environment. Of course, you're of the opinion that it shouldn't require the political pressure of an election to get the proper funding from the police commission, but for now you're willing to take support as it's offered, regardless of the agenda behind it.

The Street Beat: (As a beat cop, it's your job to walk the streets of Cormus and keep the peace. In so doing, it's easy to gather rumours and whispers about some of the illicit activities occuring within nearby districts, and the criminal organizations performing said deeds.)

-The big topic on the streets these days is the municipal election, which will be held in about six weeks. Although there are many different civic positions up for grabs, all attention seems focused on the mayoral contest. While the incumbent is generally considered to have a significant advantage, pundits note that the recent crime wave might come back to haunt Don Atchison at the polls. Most people seem to agree that Atch's most credible challenger is Mr. Riven, a business consultant who represents the Cormus Party. The two other candidates have yet to make much impact on the electorate. They include Mycroft Holmes, who seems best known for his relation to the famous detective of the same name, and Andrew Shuba, a single-issue candidate obsessed with fixing the city's many decaying sidewalks.

Personal Notes:

-Those wargs you fought at Izael manor were definitely a dark perversion of nature. The same could almost surely be said of their master, the armored figure who called himself The Mouth. His evil was almost palpable. You're still not sure you understand all the words that were coming out of his mouth. Unsurprisingly, it seems The Chief knows more about this than he's willing to tell. All these secrets only make it more difficult for you to go about your job of saving the city.

-It looks like your next assignment may involve that geek convention that's been the talk of the street. Hero's Gambit is a large event, and the police are generally called upon to help ensure that everything runs smoothly. Of course, it's unlikely that any real problems will emerge at the event, considering the immediate presence of so many superheroes. Then again, you're skeptical of the caliber of the so-called 'superheroes' that exist in Cormus. In fact, you're of the opinion that denoting the Human Spider as a 'superhero' devalues a term that is more appropriately given to the likes of Gleimdal. Unfortunately, it seems that the people of this city don't seem to know much about real heroes like him. Perhaps this would be a good chance to educate them.

-As per your advice, Don Atchison has decided to make fitness one of his key social programs. To that end, you've heard that he's finally going to create the semi-religious dodgeball league you suggested so long ago. The way you see it, this seems like a great policy to help Atch dodge electoral defeat.

Mini-Objective:

-Ensure that some of your rolemodels receive recognition as the true superheroes they are.

(Please keep an accurate listing of your promotional endeavors below.)

Wheatie – Legal Assistant's Report 21

Recent Duties: It's been two days since the big fundraiser at Izael Manor. Although the official word may state differently, you're pretty sure that most of the fundraising done was in favor of Precinct 13 and the legal department. With the eve of the election, Don Atchison seems willing to do almost anything to secure his reputation in the area of policing. As such, they've already reopened your building. There are still some repairs to be done, but at least the legal department once again has filing cabinet to house its all-important paperwork.

Book Report:

-Just because you're a rather bookish individual who would rather devote time to scholastic pursuits than unnecessary socializing, many people seem to assume that you fall into the category of the stereotypical nerd. Or farm nerd, more likely. As such, they seem to believe that you must like things like comic books. Totally unfair! You would never subject yourself to such poorly written drivel. Unless there was nothing else to read, of course. Anyway, it's ridiculous for people to make such jumps in judgement. Despite this, The Chief seems to have slotted you to provide security for the big comic convention set to start today, probably based on just this sort of faulty reasoning.

Notes from Home:

-Apparently your parents forwarded your complaints regarding the state of food here on Deksiil to your Uncle Moose. Never one to back down from a challenge, Moose has vowed to provide you with farm fresh food that is just like what you would get back on Denchul. To this end, you've heard that he plans to buy a chicken that will keep the two of you stocked with a constant supply of fresh eggs.

Legal Report:

-It seems that Mayor Don Atchison is facing increasing pressure to provide more funding for the legal department. Much of this pressure is also coming from the media. The Cormus Daily Planet ran a story yesterday morning outlining the deplorable lack of resources for the city's legal representatives. This article was written by Scaevoli, and contained several quotes from an annonymous insider. You're pretty sure it's you that he's referring to.

Personal Notes:

-Unlike you, Nicholas Chesterly seems to be really into these crazy comic books. In fact, he's even started collecting the Hero Cards that are based off these comics. He claims that it's kind of like building up a stamp collection, which you have to admit is a really exciting hobby. Anyway, Nicholas was really excited when he heard you would be going to this Hero's Gambit. He says that they'll be releasing some limited edition cards at the event, and he's asked you to see if you can get some. It will be up to you to catch them all.

-You're glad to be away from that Hercule Poirot. He may have been a good detective, but his awful cologne was overpowering. Bleeding and sneezing isn't a combination of activities you'd care to repeat. In fact, you're willing to bet that this condition is only one step above being in a coma.

Mini-Objective:

-Help Nicholas Chesterly built up his CCG collection by picking up limited edition Hero Cards while at Heros' Gambit.

(Please keep an accurate listing of the special edition cards you've collected.)

Jackie - Agent's Report 11

Recent Duties: Two days have passed since the fundraising event at Izael Manor. And once again, you were promoted for your courage in the line of duty. Rising through the ranks of these Deksiilan police forces seems really easy. Chris Tucker's rants about Strarfleet seem to indicate that it's run in a similar fashion. From what you can gather, Tucker received a major promotion for very slight participation in thwarting some sort of bomb threat. If only it were the same with the IBI. Unfortunately, the Electrans are much more strict with their rankings. Anyway, it seems that Precinct 13 has won much favor with city officials. They've already reopened the Precinct building, although some repairs are still underway.

Wokking the Streets:

-The party at the Izael Manor proved to be a good chance to scope out the city's contingent of rich white guys. As expected, you and Chris Tucker were able to adopt clever personas in order to perform this task without attracting much attention. In the end, it turned out that a rich white woman was responsible for the theft of the diamond, which is really kind of suprising. Still, you're not sure that you trust the likes of Mr. Izael, Thomas Griffin and the mayor himself. All three are both undeniably rich and white, which makes them only one step away from criminals.

Classified Information:

-Mayor Don Atchison has instructed all police forces to be on maximum alert throughout the election period. You're not sure what these elections are all about, but you intend to be on your guard just the same. Warchons use trial by combat as a means of choosing civic leaders, which seems far superior to this democracy business. When off planet, you've heard that most Warchons rely on hereditary status to determine important positions, which would certainly be much better than turning them over to people from the other planets.

Personal Notes:

-Going undercover at that party certainly wasn't easy. Fortunately, you have a ready stock of foolproof Warchon disguises. Posing as Chen Kenichi, famous chef, was surely every bit as persuasive as your Yu Li disguise. On the other hand, it has had the unfortunate side-effect of giving you an incredible craving for shark fin soup. This oriental dish is hard to find in a place like Cormus, but you don't intend to give up until you're able to satisfy your hunger. Tonight, you must dine on shark soup.

-Chris Tucker is excited about a big amateur football game that's coming up in the next couple days. It's supposed to feature a visiting team from the Electran Empire. They'll be taking on the city's own Cormus Broncos. Chris Tucker is clearly rooting for his home team. Unfortunately, that's not possible for you.

-You've heard there's a big gaming convention being held today. You're not sure what it's all about, but apparently there might be lots of superheroes in attendance. Of course, if you define superheroes as people able to perform the impossible, then you definitely fall into that category.

Mini-Objective:

-Find and consume a bowl of quality shark fin soup.

Senor Jose Skeptical - Receptionist's Report 2

Recent Duties: It has now been two days since the little gathering a the Izael hacienda. Much to your disbelief, some of the officers in attendance at that event must have been sticking their necks out a bit too far and were able to convince the police commission to reopen the old Precinct 13 building. Senor, you again find yourself at your old desk, forced once more to deal with the fictional problems of the hysterical public. This has really cut down on your productivity, and your ability to perform errands for your large extended family. Of course, for you these things are one and the same.

Superhero Sightings: (Senor, these superheroes are always trying to meddle where they do not belong. They, above all others, cannot be trusted. In fact, you suspect that most of them have been stretching their necks out a bit too much lately. Adios!)

-Ay caramba! It seems like there's a new superhero spotted in this city every week! Something needs to be done about them. They are the real problem here. And this one is no exception. They call him the Black Bronco, and they say he is some kind of super football player. But to you, he sounds very unreliable. Besides, you do not believe that football is a sport with a long and honorable tradition, unlike cock-fighting.

Family Ties: (As a good family man, you are always trying to look out for your very large, extended array of relatives. A man has to keep his priorities straight, and you cannot believe anything but la familia could sit at the top of that list.)

-Your family needs more food. See that it gets sent to them.

Personal Notes:

-Since returning to your old station, you have received many unfounded complaints from the public. You attribute this entirely to the host of superheroes who have taken up residence within the city of Cormus. Such superheroes are nothing but trouble, always spreading ridiculous rumours about giant plant monster puppets and the like among the city's gullible citizens. Someone needs to show them for the fakes that they are. And that someone is the police. You've heard that many of the superheroes will be gathering at the annual Hero's Gambit gaming convention, and you intend to be there to slather them with skepticism in person.

Mini-Objective:

-Discredit as many of these so-called 'superheroes' as possible.

(Please keep an accurate list of the superheroes who have been struct down by your skepticism.)

Unfortunately, many members of the police did not realize this. Among these was Nicholas Chesterly, who was obsessed with obtaining special edition trading cards of all the latest super-heroes. His plan to get them was to have Wheatie guard a comic book convention and do it for him. Neji meanwhile was busy inventing fake super-heroes and posting their likeness on telephone polls. Senor Jose Enrique Sceptical could not stand for any of this. He barged into the Chief's office to tell him there was corruption in the ranks. The Chief was surprised this information would come from the Senor, of all people, but the latter assured him that young Wheatie was bedevilled by the evil super-heroes and was planning to attend the Hero's Gambit comic convention in order to meet with his diabolical masters. Fortunately, Sceptical was willing to be on hand to keep an eye on things and put these so-called heroes in their place.

Jackie, at least, was not concerned with any of this, but only with soup. Shark fin soup, which Monk's cafe didn't serve, in spite of its menu being much superior to Reggie's. That was the second problem with this adventure: the police were back in their original building. This did not please Sceptical one bit, as it made it much more difficult for him to deliver the gigantic amount of food he ordered from Monk's home to his family.

As predicted, the four cops were promptly assigned to security down at the Hero's Gambit convention. The place was already teeming with geeks by the time they arrived. Wheatie and Neji quickly recognized Instructor Joachim from the academy making his way through the crowds, with many of the geeks noting his striking similarity to the super-hero Grand Papillon. This likeness easily got the massive instructor past Carl, the viking-helmeted geek guarding the door. The Senor's approach was much more direct, and involved demanding to be let in on the basis there were criminals inside who needed taking care of.

Once inside, it didn't take long for the super-heroes to show themselves. A little kid almost tripped but was 'saved' by Frozone in a poorly concealed kidnapping attempt. Grand Papillon appeared to vandalize and destroy the Superman statue by the entrance. Sceptical was not impressed by either of these criminal acts and was quick to condemn them to the crowd. Meanwhile, Wheatie took off after Frozone in his alter-ego of 'the Harvester,' but was quickly put on ice by the icy trail Frozone left behind him.

Neji quickly busied herself by scribbling away on pieces of paper that the other PCs couldn't see. Eventually these were revealed to be advertisements for fictional heroes like this Gleimdal nobody had heard of, Cardinal Callistus and Union Kane. Fortunately, none of these so-called heroes had the gall to show themselves at this convention, no doubt because they feared being denounced by the Senor.

This was exactly what the swarthy South American man was doing. The Black Bronco was revealed as O.J. Simpson, Rawk Hawk was likened to Big Bird and Aqua-man, found at the swimming pool creating dangerous oil spills and then pretending to clean them up, was revealed for the racist that he was in giving the Black Bronco his name.

Wheatie meanwhile was busy prostrating himself before these same super-heroes and asking for their special cards. This spineless grovelling included listening to Frozone's boring bowling stories, proclaiming his love of Anthropology to the Anthropologist and letting the rebellious Rawk Hawk beat the barley out of him.

Jackie engaged in a fruitless quest for shark fin soup, first visiting the soup and sandwich booths in vain and discovering that the soups were independently decided upon in utmost secrecy, and then searching the swimming pool and ice rink for evidence of a shark. Chris Tucker even joined the search (though arguably looking for some mushu instead), but unsurprisingly this made little difference. He did note, however, the arrival of Inspector Lestrade from Scotland Yard in the company of J. Jonah Jamieson, who was demanding the arrest of all the costumed freaks at the event. Lestrade was more than happy to unleash his full incompetence upon this task.

Neji finally stopped her scribbling long enough to talk to Frozone and comparing his boring bowling tag-lines to Grand Papillon's. Frozone was eating a sandwich at the time, and when spurred into action to demonstrate his abilities for Neji, he promptly collapsed on the ice. The Armorian revived him only just in time to let him make his escape, proving once and for all her collusion with the true criminals of this city. As the police continued their search, Rawk Hawk was soon discovered tied up in a net in the football stadium, and Union Jack was unconscious in the observatory, covered by a French flag and escargot.

Senor Sceptical was more than happy to see these phony heroes brought to justice. Jackie was still more concerned with his soup, and suddenly realized he would need to buy the Secret Decoder Ring from the merchandise section (in spite of the many posters proclaiming that Gleimdal had no need of items) and analyze the Alphabet Soup. The secret message led him to the sauna, where he discovered a secret door that led to the top secret Central Soup Agency. Unsurprisingly, this was run by the Soup Nazi, who reluctantly served Jackie his shark fin soup, before the latter barely escaped with his life, let alone the soup.

Meanwhile, Neji, Wheatie and the Senor had figured that there was only one other super-hero fishy enough to want his rivals taken out of the way: Aquaman. Of course, Senor Sceptical was fine with taking out super-heroes, but his hatred of Aquaman was reason enough to accuse him. Aquaman initially denied the charges, but was thrown into a rage when he saw the black devil Jackie devouring the shark fin soup. Along with his sidekick Fish Boy, he launched a watery attack on the heroes.

Although confined to the watery pool, Aquaman managed to knock both Jackie and Neji in with his forceful splashes and then dunk Jackie under the water like the jerk he was. Senor's pistol and Wheatie's psychics made short work of Fishboy and his super-soaker, but Aquaman's evil oil spills made short work of a non-swimmer like Neji. Senor Sceptical's bitter rage seemed to sharpen his aim and he was dead on with every shot, but things were still looking grim. That is, until Wheatie grabbed the fishing rod off Fishboy's body and used it to reel Aquaman up onto his only weakness – land. Like a fish out of water, Aquaman was helpless, and Wheatie finished him off with a vicious clubbing from his giant book.

With that, the slimiest and most vile of super heroes was brought to justice. In the words of the Senor, he had been stretching his head just a bit too far, and there was only one thing for it. Adios!!

Note: Special thanks to Senor Jose Sceptical for writing this summary.

Aquaman
Race: Tortalian
Affiliation: Superhero
Aquaman is one of the newest superheroes to arrive in the city of Cormus. Of course, some would contend that he's no superhero at all. That's because his only superpowers seems to be his ability to swim and his penchant for communicating with fish. On the other hand, he is encumbered with a crippling weakness against land. He needs to be kept moist at all times, and is otherwise left flopping around like a fish out of the water. Furthermore, Aquaman's racists tendancies have earned him the derisive nickname of White Fish. He does have a tacky costume similar to the ones worn by real heroes, though his is notably more fishy. It includes a tight orange shirt, green pants, gloves and flippers. His short blond hair is always plastered wet to his skull, and is often adorned with bits of seaweed. In combat, Aquaman's skills include splashing and dunking his opponents, along with his ability to create oil spills and communicate with fish. All in all, he's one washed-up superhero.

Fishboy
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Superhero Sidekick
Any good superhero needs a sidekick. Aquaman is by no means a good superhero, but he happens to have a sidekick anyway. Fishboy is that sidekick, and he's about as lame as he sounds. His main job is to prevent Aquaman from drying up while on shore, and he accomplishes this by spraying him with the giant supersoaker he always carries. Fittingly enough, Fishboy is also stocked with fishing supplies, including a fishing rod and bait. Like most aquatic creatures, Aquaman cannot resist gulping down these worms at every opportunity. In keeping with his persona, Fishboy is usually seen wearing a fishing vest, a flannel shirt, jeans and a tilley hat. When called into combat, he can also wield both fishing rod and supersoaker as largely ineffective weapons. However, the rod can sometimes force his foes to go fish.

The Black Bronco
Race: Loracian
Affiliation: The Cormus Broncos
The Black Bronco is both a self-proclaimed superhero and a source of open controversy. Partially due to his name. He wanted to be known as Super Bronco, but AQUAMAN decided that the Black Bronco was a more appropriate alias. The second source of controversy related to the Black Bronco is that he seems to be more of a football player than a superhero. His listed superpowers include touchdowns and fieldgoals. Perhaps most controversial of all is the fact that the Black Bronco is actually O.J. Simpson, a former pro football player who barely escaped conviction on several criminal charges. Now he's trying to clean up his image while playing for the Cormus Broncos minor league football team. Like most players of this sport, O.J. is a big man who wears a blue football jersey, tight white pants and a white football helmet. His identity is cleverly concealed by the black football marks streaked under his eyes.

Rawk Hawk
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Superhero
Rawk Hawk is a superhero who appeals more to the rambunctious teen demographic, despite his rather strange costume. It includes a yellow bird suit, with a beaked hood, spiked sunglasses, black wrestling shorts and a crystal star pendant. In essence, he looks like a badass version of Big Bird. In spite of his superhero status, Rawk Hawk has a tendancy to be an obnoxious showoff who considers himself too cool for most civilians that he encounters. In combat, the Hawk is known to rawk his foes with a combination of high-flying aerial acrobatic techniques. He is also capable of playing to the crowd. Like Aquaman, Rawk Hawk is a bit weak against land, though to a much lesser degree. When brought to ground by something such as a net, the Hawk is transformed into little more than a sitting duck.

The Soup Nazi
Race: Terrorian
Affiliation: The Department of Soup
One of the two soups provided at each kiosk in the Cormus Convention Center is prepared in the building's Central Department of Soup. The Soup Nazi is the man who runs this top secret agency. He's a perfectonist who demands that his customers live up to the same standards as his soup. This is rather difficult, as his soup is good enough to make your knees buckle. By concealing the location of the Central Department of Soup, the Soup Nazi has attempted to distance himself from his disappointing patrons. Furthermore, he's totally obsessed with adhering to his system of soup production, and refuses to accept that any other method of distributing soup could possibly be superior. The Soup Nazi is a swarthy man, with an unshaven face, a mustache and dark hair. He usually wears a spotless chef's uniform with a blue bandanna tied around his neck. He is also notoriously stingy with his bread.