Neji – Beat Cop's Report 18

Recent Duties: It's been five days since the arrest of Dr. Falstav and the consequent closure of Arkham Asylum. The defeat of the Scarecrow could not have come at a better time for the police department's image. The damage done by word of Devastator's escape has at least partially been mitigated by this success. Of course, you're far more concerned with getting dangerous criminals behind bars than you are with public relations. Even by that measure, the capture of Dr. Falstav represents a major victory.

-Beat Cop (Level 2) Paycheque: 750 Marks.

At least the Police Commission is still willing to pay you, even if they haven't yet come to a decision on Precinct 13's continued existance.

The Street Beat: (As a beat cop, it's your job to walk the streets of Cormus and keep the peace. In so doing, it's easy to gather rumours and whispers about some of the illicit activities occuring within nearby districts, and the criminal organizations performing said deeds.)

-The Cormus river is dotted with tiny islands, most too small to be of any note. The largest such is Hans Island, and it has lately become the center of some controversy. Though the island is supposed to be public property, you've recently heard from some irate fishermen that several groups of Danes have claimed the island as their own, forcibly ejecting anyone who dared to argue with them. It's hard to imagine why anyone would want to fight over such a tiny spit of land, but perhaps it's symbolic in some way. In any case, Hans Island isn't part of your jurisdiction. These complaints have been forward to Precinct 3's coast guard, who should be more than capable of dealing with this problem.

Personal Notes:

-You were never a fan of the fare at Monk's Coffeeshop, and the food at this warehouse is even worse. As such, several officers have taken to eating lunch at Reggie's diner, which holds virtue of proximity, if nothing else. You were planning to hit Subway, but on your way out, Debbie asked you to bring her back a Big Salad. Unfortunately, your favorite chain doesn't carry this item, so it looks like you'll have to visit Reggie's after all. Debbie's one of the few civil employees at the Precinct, and her access to the Chief makes her a valuable ally. If all it takes is a few Big Salads to remain on her good side, you're certainly willing to deliver. Besides, you can still pick up some Subway on the way back.

-Norwich Union sent you a letter advertising their new injury insurance policies. They seem particularly suited to a dangerous lifestyle, and offer high coverage for low premiums. Furthermore, your benefits triple if your injury is accidental. Of course, you're far too young to be taking out a life insurance policy. Still, you're pleased to see that they don't force you to submit to a medial examination to apply. You've been through enough of those to know how little value they hold.

-You knew from the beginning that Dr. Falstav was up to no good. Clearly, he only diagnosed you as insane in an attempt to hamper the police force. He wasn't nearly so smug when you dealt him out a prescription of pure justice.

Mini-Objective:

-Receive credit for delivering a Big Salad to Debbie.

Wheatie – Legal Assistant's Report 19

Recent Duties: It's been five days since the arrest of Dr. Falstav and the consequent closure of Arkham Asylum. The defeat of the Scarecrow could not have come at a better time for the police department's image. The damage done by word of Devastator's escape has at least partially been mitigated by this success. As an expert in public relations, you were called upon to participate in the news conferance where all this information was made public. With that and the trial of Eastside Mario, you've had a lot of television coverage over the past few days. You haven't gotten this close to so many cameras since you did telemedia back on Denchul.

-Legal Assistant (Level 2) Paycheque: 850 Marks.

Book Report:

-It's a huge relief that Nicholas Chesterly survived all the surgery, especially given the plethora of things that could have gone wrong. You've learned about a few more of the dangers by reading through some medical fiction. In fact, you've most recently been perusing The Other Side of Darkness, a book that has inspired several film adaptations. It's about a guy who gets knocked into a coma, and can't be woken up even with the most advanced medical technology! That's horrible! You haven't quite finished reading it yet, but so far it's been a somber wake-up call about the danger that lurks behind everyday bumps and bruises.

Notes from Home:

-Your parents are impressed that you were able to defeat the Scarecrow. They claim that you were always afraid of them when you were younger, even though the ones back on Denchul were just stuffed with straw. That's not how you remember it.

Legal Report:

-Although Devastator escaped from custody before his trial could be concluded, you were able to book Eastside Mario quite a long stay in the local penitentiary. With all the evidence on your side, there was no way that Anwar could stand a chance against your case. He even tried to bring in the entire Constitution as evidence, though if anything that should have been a point for your side. You really schooled him. As a result, Judge Hiram Mightor has sentenced Mario to 500 years in Guantanimo prison.

Personal Notes:

-Nicholas Chesterly is finally back from the hospital! It seems his intensive care treatment program was successful both in knitting his broken bones and in removing his tonsils. This is supposed to be his first day back, and you're looking forward to having him return to the legal team. Yeah!

-Before going on your internship, you had to take a lot of classes on workplace safety. Using that knowledge, you can recognise that Precinct 13 is a really dangerous place to work. Nicholas found that out firsthand on his first day, and you don't intend to let his second day be anywhere near as dangerous. With all the work that's piled up, you can't afford to have Nicholas get like knocked into a coma or anything!

Mini-Objective:

-Protect Nicholas Chesterly from any sort of harm.

Jackie - Agent's Report 9

Recent Duties: It's been five days since the arrest of Dr. Falstav and the consequent closure of Arkham Asylum. The defeat of the Scarecrow could not have come at a better time for the police department's image. The damage done by word of Devastator's escape has at least partially been mitigated by this success. In the meantime, you've managed to collect your paycheque. Hopefully it will be enough to buy a good time for Chris Tucker.

-Agent (Level 2) Paycheque: 800 Marks.

Wokking the Streets:

-Chris Tucker arrived in town late last night, still high from all his gambling wins in Tirin. Apparently he hooked up there with this politician by the name of Mandela, who was really hot. In any case, he's now staying at the Cresentia Hotel (1555 Bluerise Road, Precinct 13). You're supposed to meet him there later this afternoon.

Classified Information:

-Police from Precinct 7 are investigating a fire that occured there two nights ago. The fire apparently started in a small pawn shop, and proceeded to burn it almost all the way to the ground. Fire brigades are currently treating this as a case of arson. Police were called in when a body was discovered amidst the wreckage. The corpse is burned beyond all recognition, and attempts to identify the victim have thus far been unsuccessful. This adds up to two unidentified bodies in a single week. Investigators are considering the possibility that the two crimes might be linked, but they suggest more evidence is needed before any conclusions can be drawn as to whether a serial criminal is at work.

Personal Notes:

-It's a shame that Doctor Watson fellow ended up dying. He was bit nosy, but otherwise a fine guy, especially when people were injured. Other people. Because you're more than capable of just working through wounds others might find crippling.

-The news of Devastator's escape has now been released to the public, which means you don't have to work so hard anymore to keep it hidden. Not that you had any trouble doing so. In fact, your story about the 'keys' was very convincing. Of course, anyone who knows you would realise that you'd never go out with an Armorian like Neji. Her religion is just too misguided.

Mini-Objective:

-Meet up with Chris Tucker.

Senor Jose Sceptical - Receptionist's Report 1

Recent Duties: Senor, you have been working the front desk at Precinct 13 since you were first hired as part of the affirmative action program. Most of your relatives work with La Policia down in Precinct 8, but you don't believe conditions there could be any better than your setup. Besides, in all the time you have been employed here, you have yet to hear any credible complaints about your work.

-Receptionist (Level 4) Paycheque: 850 Marks.

Superhero Sightings: (Senor, these superheroes are always trying to meddle where they do not belong. They, above all others, cannot be trusted. In fact, you suspect that most of them have been stretching their necks out a bit too much lately. Adios!)

-You have heard members of Precinct 3's Coast Guard talking about some new superhero who has washed up in town. They call him Aquaman, and claim that he's made it his job to protect and police the Cormus river. Though you're tempted not to believe these reports, you've decided to save your skepticism for when or if this Aquaman ever shows up. Not that he sounds like a real superhero anyway.

Family Ties: (As a good family man, you are always trying to look out for your very large, extended array of relatives. A man has to keep his priorities straight, and you cannot believe anything but la familia could sit at the top of that list.)

-Although your salary might seem high to some, they do not realise how little of it actually goes into your pocket. Most of it is distributed throughout the family, particularly to cover cousin Marcellino's cock-fighting debts. Owning a bodega is just not profitable enough to cover all the upsets that seem to occur in that sport. Consequently, you have let Marcellino 'borrow' 700 of your marks.

Personal Notes:

-You've heard other employees complaining that this warehouse is not an appropriate place for officers of the law to work. You do not believe them. In fact, you far prefer this new arrangement. Few people seem able to find this new building, and consequently you have not had to deal with so many hysterical members of the public with their wild and unbelievable claims. As such, you have had a lot more time to converse on the telephone with your family.

-According to office gossip, there is one member of the Precinct who is eyeing your job. It is the big one who calls himself Chins. They say he used to work as a receptionist over at the Cormus Police Academy, and apparently he thinks this gives him adequate training to work your post. Senor, you do not believe he is up to the task. He is much too slow and sluggish.

-One of the few calls you received this morning was from some fast-talking foreigner who claimed to have been invited to visit the Precinct. You did not believe this phony story, and refused to give him the address of the warehouse. Adios! Hopefully, that is the last you will hear of this fellow.

Mini-Objective:

-Level your skepticism at as many people as possible.

As usual around the Precinct, work only lasted for about 10 minutes before it was time to go to lunch. There was talk of a new place called Reggies', that might serve as a poor shadow of Monk's. Neji, Wheatie, Jackie and Chesterly began to make their way there, but made the mistake of passing by the front desk, where they found none other than the receptionist Senor Jose Enrique Sceptical talking on the phone to his family. Jose did not believe Wheatie's claims that the workplace was dangerous; in fact, he described it as a big improvement over the previous one. The group was then interrupted by the arrival of Chris Tucker, who was looking for Jackie. Sceptical was amazed and disapointed, having thought his efforts (or lack thereof) in providing Tucker directions to the precinct would have delayed him a little longer.

At Reggie's, the group was told by an old man on the street that someone had been killed with a mustard jar there, a hysterical story which Senor Sceptical immediately did not believe. Inside, the others found the Reggie's staff to be almost as unhelpful as Sceptical himself. Chesterly narrowly avoided being struck by a flying mustard container and Neji narrowly avoided the wrath of the waitress for combining her two small salads into a big bowl. However, vigilant though he was, Wheatie could not save Nicholas from being hit by a guy on a scooter while crossing the street on the way back.

Neji, Wheatie and Jackie were then called to the Chief's office, after Neji dropped off the big salad with Debbie. A jogger, Chayse Devril, had fallen to his death on Mt. Cormus and the cops suspected foul play. Senor Sceptical, on the other hand, suspected they had all been stretching their heads a bit too much and instantly declared the case a mere accident. Evidently, the Chief had decided to send Sceptical on the case to get him off the phones for a while. This was actually fine with Jose, who had some errands to run anyway and planned to borrow the police cruiser obtained from Dr. Wagner to do just that.

Unfortunately, he was hustled into the car along with the rest and they headed for Mt. Cormus. At the crime scene, there was little evidence of foul play, which was enough for Sceptical to declare the case closed then and there. The body had, however, been found with some suspicious bruises not caused by the fall, but after a visit to the quaint Denchuli Mr. Barley, Devril's co-worker, it was revealed this was likely due to the dead man's hobby of martial arts. They also found evidence of a mysterious and strangely urgent meeting with the Norwich Union insurance company, where your benefits tripled. The dead man had never made the meeting however, and the Union representative had no idea what the meeting was to be about, only that it didn't require a medical.

Following up on Chayse's injuries, the group arrived at the Dojo, where they confronted the master Hazaltan and his head students, the impressionist Picasso and the stupidly attired Naruto. Hazaltan admitted to giving Chayse a working over in their class tournament, before taking the more youthful members of their class out for Fat-free Yogurt. A preliminary and completely inept checkup of this alibi by Wheatie seemed to verify it, leaving the group with no real leads. Sceptical was quick to point out he had been right all along in declaring the case an accident, and was ready to go home. In fact, he had been ready to go home quite some time ago.

However, in the end the tried-and-true tactic of bumbling around, scratching for evidence and accusing the evil-doers until they attacked us came through. Naruto cracked like the whisker-faced pansy he was under the pressure and made a break for it, forcing Picasso and his master Hazaltan to step in. Apparently, Chayse had figured out the dojo's long-running injury insurance scam and had to be taught a lesson in the school of hard knocks – a lesson which the martial artists were about to demonstrate first-hand.

For once, Wheatie showed some backbone and rushed into the fray with a blast of fire at Hazaltan and Picasso, but this proved a mistake, as the master showed off his master-skills with a mighty hurricane kick at the legal assistant. Both Picasso and Jackie continually injured themselves in the battle, while Neji slogged towards Hazaltan and Picasso while Senor Sceptical remained a rather sceptical participant, with Hazaltan initially unable to figure out if he was really in the battle, or even if there was really a battle going on (Sceptical claimed of course there was not).

Jackie eventually defeated Naruto, but not before the situation grew desperate. As Senor Sceptical continually used med-kits on his companions, Hazaltan grew increasingly annoyed and went after the Senor once again. However, this time Sceptical assured him there would be no further trouble. Principally because he would take care of the police. A shot from Sceptical's pistol almost downed Neji and Hazaltan swiftly finished the job. However, while his back was turned, Sceptical once again revived Jackie, who with a crazy attack almost swung the battle back in their favor. This time, however, Hazaltan was convinced just whose side the Senor was on, and brought both Jackie and Jose Sceptical down to defeat. The group was saved only by the timely arrival of Rambo and his team, who put an end to the villainous martial arts master.

After the injured crew was returned to the precinct, they were congratulated by the Chief, and admonished by Chris Tucker for not calling him in earlier. But the case was finally closed, and this was the first thing Senor Sceptical had heard all day that he could really believe. Adios!

Note: Special thanks to Senor Jose Sceptical for writing this summary.

Senor Jose Sceptical
Race: Chalchakian
Affiliation: Precinct 13
It might be hard to believe that Senor Sceptical, the swarthy receptionist at Precinct 13, is now actually one of the protagonists. As his name implies, Senor Sceptical's major characteristic is a Latino-flavored scepticism in the face of even the most concrete evidence. He is much more inclined to look after his large extended family, even at the expense of the law. Sceptical is a tall man, with an unshaven jaw, a black mustache and a police uniform. In combat, he is capable of wielding the standard issue PK-43 handgun against either friend or foe depending on how he believes the battle is going. Adios!

Chris Tucker
Race: Loracian
Affiliation: Starfleet Security
Another cameo from the Deep Space campaign, Chris Tucker is reputed to be the fastest mouth in the west. Tucker's mouth has also been compared unfavorably with the 7-11 chain of convenience stores, because both are always open. After all his heroic efforts on behalf of Starfleet Security during the Deep Space incidents, Chris Tucker has decided to take several long vacations back to Deksiil. This has involved some serious gambling and a reunion with Jackie, his former partner, who is supposed to hook him up with some mushu. While on vacation, Tucker can most often be seen in a blue suit and tie that don't come close to matching the volume of his mouth.

Barley
Race: Denchulli
Affiliation: Benson & Hedges Accounting
Barley is an employee at Benson & Hedges Accounting who doubles as the bizarro Wheatie. While the two share similar origins and upbringings, they diverge vastly on several important areas. One such is higher education. Barley went through a community college to obtain his practical accounting skills. As such, he demonstrates a strong contempt for academia and its associated educational institutions. Barley is a shorter, pudgy fellow who usually wears a checkered suit with patches on the elbows.

Naruto
Race: Fenixan
Affiliation: Hazaltan Dojo
Naruto is a young Fenixan who is absolutely obsessed with becoming the greatest ninja ever. To pursue his dream, he trains daily at the Hazaltan dojo where he strives to achieve coveted martial-arts belts. Naruto's hot-headedness and lack of discipline often get him in trouble, but his boundless enthusiasm is usually able to mitigate the damage. To this end, he's always willing to take on extra 'training missions', regardless of their nature. Naruto is also absolutely convinced that he is the main character of this campaign, despite all indications to the contrary. Unlike most ninja, Naruto dresses in bright orange, with a blue vest and headband. His spiky hair is bleached blond, and his cheeks are adorned with stupid teen whiskers.

Picasso
Race: Spheran
Affiliation: Hazaltan Dojo
Picasso is another artist who studies at the Hazaltan dojo. His specialties lie more in the styles of impressionism and cubism, neither of which are particularly useful in combat. Still, Picasso isn't afraid to take the hard knocks that are routinely part of training at the dojo. That's because he's got life insurance, and lots of it. This allows him to transform even the slightest wounds into major cash payouts, which he can use to supplement his lowly artist's income. Picasso's appearance is mostly determined by his artistic stylings, and includes messy black hair, a carefully groomed mustache and a purple kharate ghi with baggy sleeves that are heavily spotted with paint.

Hazaltan
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Hazaltan Dojo
Hazaltan is the sensei at the aptly-named Hazaltan dojo, and provides teaching to students from many different age groups. He is firmly against age-based segregation, and believes size is unimportant next to ferocity. Of course, this ferocity must be tempered by strict discipline. Contrary to most stereotypes, Hazaltan isn't incredibly old. In fact, his dark spiky hair is only tipped with white. He customarily wears a white kharate ghi with a striped tiger belt and fingerless gloves, and his face is adorned with several scars. As expected, his combat skills are mostly centered around martial arts. It should be noted that his skill seems to increase when some of his students are present during the fight to watch him demonstrate amazing moves.