Neji – Beat Cop's Report 14

Recent Duties: Three days have passed since the major clash between the French and the British down in Precinct 17. Despite your best efforts, the so-called superhero Union Jack was able to escape capture. Lambert was not so lucky, and he has joined several of the more violent protesters in prison. All told, it was a good thing they called you to the scene. You've never seen so much pent-up angst in a single location, and that includes the therapy group you briefly attended at Cormus General. You wouldn't have to be insane (and you're not) to believe that your helpline might have been the only thing that averted a fullscale riot.

The Street Beat: (As a beat cop, it's your job to walk the streets of Cormus and keep the peace. In so doing, it's easy to gather rumours and whispers about some of the illicit activities occuring within nearby districts, and the criminal organizations performing said deeds.)

-Even the visible defeat of Union Jack has done little to calm the French. Furthermore, the arrest of Lambert has turned him into something of a martyr. Regardless of the evidence against him, the people of Precinct 6 seem convinced it's all a plot cooked up by Scotland Yard to shield Johnny English. There haven't been any violent confrontations since the one three days ago, but there have many large and noisy demonstrations, and not just in the two precincts at the center of this dispute. In fact, discontent seems to have spread throughout Cormus, and is bubbling heavily right underneath the surface. It might not take much of a catalyst to bring it all back into the open.

Personal Notes:

-You are honored to have received an assignment from Inspector Valtyrez. It doesn't seem like a big task, but it's undeniably a step in the right direction. The freeze-frame he's given you shows a mysterious suspect in a dark trenchcoat and hat. Apparently, this description yields no clear matches in the police database, so you'll have to rely on more old fashioned methods for getting an ID.

-You suspect that some of your colleagues might be jealous of your new assignment. Either that, or they've been talking to Eldridge. It seems he's not pleased to have been assigned your beat, but you fail to see why surviving some ship wreck ten years ago should prevent him from getting some decent exercise. After all, this might slow the onset of such ailments as osteroperosis. Really, he should be thanking you.

-Speaking of health matters, you've finally found an item on the menu at Monk's Coffeeshop that you actually like. It's called the Big Salad, and that's exactly what it is. Of course, it doesn't hold a candle to a Subway sandwhich, but it's a far cry better than anything else at the Precinct, especially when you consider the contents of the vending machine.

-Not all superheroes are created equal, that much seems certain. This point was driven home heavily this past week by the appearance of both Union Jack and the Anthropologist. Their only superpowers seem to involve blustering, at which both were admittedly quite skilled. Still, they're definitely not the sort of heroes that kids should be looking up to. In fact, you're not convinced that they're even heroes.

Mini-Objective:

-ID the suspect in the picture given to you by Inspector Valtyrez.

John Watson – Crime Doctor 14

Recent Duties: Three days have passed since you unravelled the dastardly plot put together by the French to incriminate their rivals. Unfortunately, this required you to form a temporary alliance with Inspector Lestrade and to take on Union Jack. It's hard to say which of these deeds was the more unpleasant; one forced you to subdue your sense of patriotism, while the other required you to drop all semblance of good taste. At the end of the day, you're not sure you really want credit for either of these deeds. Which is fine, because you're not likely to get it anyway.

Newspaper Headlines:

-The riots made it into all the local newspapers. As could be expected, both the London Guardian and the Devoir are full of inflammatory propaganda, with the only real differences being who the insults are aimed at and whether they're all lies. The Daily Planet tried for more balanced coverage, though they still included an interview with Robespierre in which he proclaims the arrest of Lambert as a conspiracy aimed at protecting one Johnny English. The paper also ties the roots of this cultural conflict to a dispute between the French community association and a secret body of Englishmen known only as the Limeys. Whatever the case, the piece concludes by mentioning how civil unrest has spread from the troubled precincts to include the rest of the city, and that further riots could break out at any time.

Mysteries: -Only one with your keen observational skills could have noticed Roger Thornberry lurking about during the riot in Precinct 17. You aren't quite sure how he or the mysterious occupants of the black sedan are connected to the civil disorder, but you intend to find out. To that end, you've tasked Wiggins with investigating the lot of them. So far, he hasn't managed to find out any more about the nondescript sedan. There are many examples of this ubiquitous vehicle in Precinct 17 alone. On the other hand, Thornberry has been acting very suspicious lately. This has included spending much time at the Rat & Raven, which isn't surprising given Thornberry's suspected connections to arch criminal Professor Moriarty.

Personal Notes:

-J. Peterman continues to be a good source of money, though not quite in the manner you expected. They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, in which case you would have no choice but to feel pretty good. You're still a bit worried about some of the changes Peterman has already talked about, but the money was too good to resist. Besides, there's always the possibility that Peterman will suddenly embark on another exotic trip before he can propose any changes.

-Others might be surprised by the involvement of Roger Thornberry in the riot, but it doesn't surprise you one bit. In fact, you've suspected him and his master from the very beginning. Clearly, this is but the first step in Moriarty's plan to topple the city's government. He tried it before with the Empire, and though he's set his sights considerably lower this time, you have no intention of letting him get away with it.

-Although he's apparently a published academic, you still couldn't get along with that Anthropologist fellow. Perhaps it's because he claimed that your scientific principles of deduction are tainted with bias. This certainly isn't true, as anyone unbiased and civilized must certainly realise.

Mini-Objective:

-Warn the police obliquely about the true criminal mastermind.

Wheatie – Legal Assistant's Report 15

Recent Duties: Three days have passed since the major clash between the French and the British down in Precinct 17. Despite your best efforts, that rebellious Union Jack was able to escape capture. Lambert was not so lucky, and he has joined several of the more violent protesters in prison. Although your experience as a hallway monitor has made you good at enforcing rules, you'd still be glad if you never had to work through another one of those riots. With obnoxious insults and random objects flying to and fro, it was just like the lunchroom back at your Denchulli highschool.

Book Report:

-You've had a bit of a chance to skim through the Anthropology textbook given to you by your nemesis. If nothing else, you expected it to provide further ammunition for the war of words against the Anthropologist's hollistic approach. Knowledge is power, after all. Unfortunately, the book is more boring than anything you've ever read previously. And this is coming from someone who normally can't wait to crack open a textbook. You can't imagine how the average, impatient student could get past even the first page.

Notes from Home:

-Your parents on Denchul are still shocked that you've become bilingual. They don't hold for this whole French language way out there, where everyone's first and only language is generally hick. Still, they think your skills might be useful for reading the french portions of cereal boxes and the like.

.Legal Report:

-Although arrested, Lambert continues to proclaim his innocence. This has made him something of a martyr in the French community. This is despite the ever growing evidence against him, including testimony from a Briton who saw him leaving the abandoned car in Precinct 17 and a security video from a hardware store that shows him purchasing the spray paint. Still, the French are claiming this is all one big setup.

Personal Notes:

-You're still a bit nauseous from that hallucinogen that you ingested when confronting the mysterious black sedan. The fact that you're still suffering effects days after the incident speaks to the power of this substance.

-According to Jackie and Neji, your head has all of a sudden started to look small underneath your stylish sombrero. However, you see right through their feeble attempts to fool you; clearly, they're just jealous of your superior headgear. At least this should finally put an end to those big head rumours.

-A new class of recruits has graduated from the Cormus Police Academy. One of the graduates has been deployed to Precinct 13. He's a young man by the name of Nicholas Chesterly, and according to Millernia, he's followed right along in your footsteps. This has to make him amazing! In fact, you suspect he'd be perfect to assist your team as a legal assistant.

Mini-Objective:

-Promote Nicholas Chesterly as an upstanding and amazing recruit.

Jackie - Agent's Report 6

Recent Duties: Three days have passed since the major clash between the French and the British down in Precinct 17. Despite your best efforts, that rebellious Union Jack was able to escape capture. Lambert was not so lucky, and he has joined several of the more violent protesters in prison. You're not quite sure what's the deal with all this cultural conflict. It's not as if the people involved are even different races. Now, if there was racial discrimination at a casino, say, that would be a real cause for civil disorder.

Classified Information:

-Inspector Valtyrez continues his investigation into the attack on Precinct 9. He apparently made a major find just two days ago. This involved the seizure of a whole arsenal of heavy construction equipment, apparently belonging to the evil Constructicons. These machines have been impounded, and transferred to a secure police lot just outside of town. Last you heard, Valtyrez and his team are still poring through these machines for evidence and clues.

Personal Notes:

-Fitting in with these foreigners isn't as difficult as you thought it would be. It seems that certain clothes and mannerisms were enough to fool most of the people you encountered. That Wheatie kid was really onto something with his whole business casual deal. Furthermore, the Anthropologist's advice on slang seems to have been dead on. Aside from criminals, no one has punched you since you started addressing people as homeys. Still, there's more that could be done to ensure the inscrutability of your disguise. In particular, your table manners are still very foreign, probably because they still include chopsticks. You'll have to work out a way to eat with these other strange implements. You could fight with them, but you still find them difficult to operate for the purpose of eating.

-One thing you still can't stand is the number of mosquitos on this planet. They're all over the place! You have been declared to have the fastest hands in the east, and even so you have trouble swatting all of them. This is not even mentioning the fact that doing so makes you seem even more hyperactive than usual.

Mini-Objective:

-Continue to adopt Deksiilan customs, particularly in terms of table manners.

Chins – Officer's Report 6

Recent Duties: It's been six days since you showed off the power and authority vested in you by your amazing dessert certification. That J. Peterman sure seems to have his priorities straight. 15,000 marks might have been a bit much to pay for an Enteman's, but from your perspective, the price was just right. Of course, the positives of that day may well have been outweighted (and it's hard to outweight you) by the appearance of Wanga-Ta, which also forced you to use your service pistol. You haven't pulled the thing out since basic, so frankly you're surprised it still worked at all.

Piles on the Desk:

-You've started to collect a new pile on your table, which is still a sorry excuse for a desk. It's mostly made up of candy bar wrappers, though there are a few old crosswords thrown in there for good measure. You've heard that others have been busy calming riots and the like, but that seems a bit ambitious to you. You prefer to set your sights on more realistic objects, like completing the daily jumble before the next one arrives. It's no easy task, especially if you need to make a walk over to like the pencil sharpener.

Chins' Most Wanted:

-Not only is the vending machine fully operational, but it's also fully stocked. It appears that you were able to sink Eldridge's health food efforts after all. The machine is almost entirely full of Twix, with merely a single shelf devoted to the lesser but no more healthy Fifth Avenue Bars. Looks like you must have managed to debunk that whole Andrea Doria myth. Or maybe it's because Eldridge seems to have been switched onto beat duty. It's probably a good idea, since he's almost certainly still working off all that weight he gained at the booffet during his cruise.

Personal Notes:

-People around the Precinct have seemed really concerned about culture of late. You're not sure why, but they've apparently brought in a new cop who calls himself the Anthropologist purely to deal with cultural tensions. Along with all of this, you've heard the Chief angrily complaining about your disgusting eating habits and your 'culture of laziness', whatever that means. It's clear that the Chief doesn't realise how cultured you are, especially in the area of haut cuisine.

-Speaking of which, you demonstrated just that sort of spirit during your visit to the Peterman catalogue six days ago. Before leaving the building, you happened to spot Walter, one of the head writers, snacking in the breakroom. He had set out some elaborate silverware and was proceeding to carefully eat an unwrapped Twix candybar with a knife and fork. At first, you couldn't fathom the purpose behind such a maneuver, but you have since come to realise that it is by far the more dignified and proper way to eat such a treat. After all, how else would you eat one? With your hands? There's no denying that Peterman is a magnet of all cultured things, so it's not so surprising to come across this epiphany at his place.

Mini-Objective:

-Demonstrate how cultured you are, especially at the dinner table.

And thus it was that this adventure began with a completely unnecessary display of utter jerkiness, in which Dr. Watson and most of his companions were forcibly removed from the room. And who could be behind it but the biggest jerk of them all: Garrett Richards. So concerned were they of Mr. Richards' malicious intent that one player felt compelled to take his tortilla chips with him to prevent Garrett from eating them, which he surely would have done.

The action then shifted to the more usual venue of Monk's cafe. Chins has the ridiculously easy objective of sitting in the cafe the whole session and eating as many finger-foods as he could think of with a knife and fork, and derisively questioning the culture of anyone who dared question him on the matter. This made Jackie's objective of learning to use utensils trivial as well, as all he had to do was study from the master. Wheatie was meanwhile accosted by a young debater who had just graduated from the academy: Nicholas Chesterly. Chesterly wanted support from anywhere he could get it, and was even willing to look past Wheatie's status as a big jerk in order to do so.

During this time, something darker was stirring at the precinct. The receptionist at the desk received a cunning but mysterious phonecall warning of the snake in the den and the spider at the centre of the web. The Chief had received an anonymous wire consisting only of the clever words 'Riot Army.' The truth behind these timely warnings was that Dr. Watson, through his unsurpassed powers of deduction, had discovered the true villain behind the United Underworld that had so recently decimated Precinct 9.

Of course, Chins and Jackie cared more about food than threats on their lives, and Wheatie, being a big jerk, probably would've been happy if everyone at the precinct had been killed anyway. But Neji actually had a non-trivial mini-objective that involved a special assignment from Inspector Valtyrez, and had every intention of getting Dr. Watson to solve it for her.

Watson was more than up to the task, and swiftly arrived at the precinct to reveal the true mastermind behind the United Underworld. Who else could unite the disparate, bickering criminals of the underworld but the greatest criminal of them all? One capable of raising a Riot Army to stir up chaos in the city, while still cleverly hinting at his own identity to the only one who would understand (which, for those less deductive than Watson, meant Watson). Yes, it was none other than the master criminal Moriarty!!! However, this line of reasoning was too deep for Neji, or anybody else, and she had smaller fish to fry anyway – the identity of the black-coated man in the security video at the devastated Precinct 9. Watson easily solved this case too, by sending her first to Scaevoli the Daily Planet's crime reporter, and then to Inspector Lestrade, who in spite of having seen the tapes, had failed to recognize the known super-criminal, Mr. X. Watson, whose Incompetent Deduction sense was going off wildly, stuck his head in the door to comment he wasn't surprised.

The Chief was still concerned over the mysterious Riot Army and had Watson called to his desk along with the others. But before the Crime Doctor could present his findings, the building came under attack from all sides by members of the United Underworld. The officers on duty scrambled to the defense, with Watson forced to help them from embarassing themselves too much.

On the main floor, Jackie ran frantically searching for Dr. Wagner, while the Anthropologist handed out the boom to Wedge from the SWAT team. Meanwhile, Keanu Reeves took on Eastside Mario and his amazing sausage nunchukus, as well as a gang of pizza boys, clearly the work of the evil Papa John.

In the basement, Wheatie revealed his true colors by sacrificing the trusting Chesterly to the might of Devastator and cowering behind Rambo and Kojak when he was supposed to be racing to the radio to call for help before its inevitable destruction. Thanks mainly to the unstoppable Rambo and a valiant sacrifice by Kojak, he managed to do so just in time.

On the top floor, Watson, Neji, Chins, Eldridge and the Chief fended off a squad of Xperts, led by none other than the mysterious Mr. X, arch-enemy of Scotland Yard. Chins served as a human shield of fat against the Xperts as they were felled by Neji and Eldridge with Watson frantically working to keep everyone standing in the face of Mr. X running them down in boats and city buses.

In the end, all were forced to retreat to the Chief's office, where Devastator easily knocked down the reinforced door, causing everyone to leap out of the building to the streets below, where they were surrounded by Constructicons. Mr. X gloated over their victory, but Watson calmly informed him that the game was up. He had deduced the approach of plot contrivance a mile away, and it came in the form of the city's Eagles of Justice, which easily gunned down the Constructicons from the sky. The villains were forced to flee the scene, and though they were defeated, the biggest jerk of them all still remained to be defeated...

New characters this session:

Moriarty
Race: Tortalian
Affiliation: Leader of the United Underworld
Professor Moriarty is perhaps the most infamous criminal mastermind the galaxy has ever known. Unbeknownst to most of the police, it is highly likely he secretly controls the operations of the United Underworld from the shadows, as well as nearly every other element of crime in the city. His other hobbies include rearranging the letters of his own name in order to form baffling riddles for the heroes. Villains like to do that, you know.

Note: Special thanks to Dr. John Watson for writing this summary.

Nicholas Chesterly
Race: Electran
Affiliation: Precinct 13 Legal Assistant
Nicholas Chesterly is a recent graduate from the Cormus Police Academy who is said to have followed faithfully in the footsteps of his mentor, Wheatie. In fact, it's rumoured that a certain instructor at the Academy with a penchant for nicknames has long referred to young Nicholas as 'Mini-Wheat'. This could also perhaps be due to Nicholas' gangly and awkward posture, or his dedication to books and paperwork. Otherwise, Nicholas could be described as an earnest young man with an interest in debating, boring black hair, glasses and a professional suit. In combat, he can wield some basic psychics. These skills can improved considerably by support from a crowd of colleagues and other such supportive judges.

Eastside Mario
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Papa John's Pizza
Eastside Mario runs a successful subsidiary of Papa John's pizza chain that caters to a more hip, urban demographic. His other duties apparently include bad rapping and joint deliveries with the United Underworld. In keeping with his mobster on the make persona, Eastside Mario is a younger man with slicked back black hair and a sleazy smile. He is also in the habit of wearing even sleazier leather suits, coupled with an Eastside Mario's apron. Mario's formal combat training is in the use of nunchuku. However, he has modernized his approach by replacing the traditional weapon with a link of sausages. This way, Mario can attack and eat almost simultaneously. Otherwise, Mario relies on his Badda-Bing raps to increase the accuracy and power of allied firearms users, at the expense of his own health.

Mr. X
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Elusive Criminal
Very little is known about the elusive Mr. X, aside from his description and the fact that he can be best described with the repeated use of a single adjective. But if forced to do otherwise, one could say that Mr. X is a nondescript man of medium height, always seen wearing a long black trenchcoat, a floppy black Spy Vs. Spy hat and sunglasses. Mr. X has long been the nemesis of Precinct 17's Scotland Yard, who have tried repeatedly to apprehend him. In combat, Mr. X wields an arsenal of advanced gadgets, including a lazer pistol and several conveyances. This latter category seems to include everything from taxis to boats, and demonstrates the full destructive capabilities of public transit.

Amphion
Race: Electran
Affiliation: Precinct 10's Eagles of Justice
The Eagles of Justice represent yet another of Don Atchison's policing innovations. This pilot project involves the use of aerial police resources, including armed helicopters, which can be called in by other Precincts to assist in operations such as raids and chases. Amphion is widely acknowledged as the best pilot working with this project. She also considers herself to be something of a top gun, perhaps understandably, and is always geared to go for the most daring and dangerous missions. Like most pilots, Amphion is customarily garbed in a blue fightsuit, though hers is adorned with eagle talons emblazoned on the shoulders. Her flight helmet is similarly elaborate, with an eagle's beak inscribed on the front. Otherwise, she can be described as a tall, slender woman with aviator's sunglasses and short blond hair.