Neji – Beat Cop's Report 11

Recent Duties: It's been twelve days since you participated in the capture and arrest of master criminal Carmen Sandiego. Her cunning was no match for your heroics and your lack of items. Since this victory, you've been busy bringing justice to the streets. Or at least to your beat. Defeating a bonafide supervillain has earned you considerable street cred, and you're pleased to have become a rolemodel for several of the regulars on your beat. You've also earned a paycheque for having worked a month with the police. Of course, money is of little value to you, but perhaps it can be put towards some noble cause, or given to someone less fortunate. Dodgeball is a good example of the former, while Dr. Watson seems to have fallen into the latter category, at least where wealth is concerned.

-Beat Cop (Level 1) Paycheque: 700 Marks.

The Street Beat: (As a beat cop, it's your job to walk the streets of Cormus and keep the peace. In so doing, it's easy to gather rumours and whispers about some of the illicit activities occuring within nearby districts, and the criminal organizations performing said deeds.)

-From what you've gathered, the gang scene in Cormus was once dominated by a cartel calling itself The Bleeding Hollow. Whereas other gangs have staked out specific districts as their own turf, the Hollow once considered the entire city to be their domain. Their numbers and superior organization were enought to intimidate most of the other criminal elements into an uneasy sort of truce. This tenuous treaty led to a deafening crime wave that shook the city to its core. However, all of this changed when the Hollow's ruthless leader was killed several months ago in an explosion at the downtown courthouse, where he was being tried on several charges. After this shocking event, the Bleeding Hollow seem to have faded into the background, taking with them the temporary unity they forged among the city's criminal organizations. According to the latest information, the Hollow still has yet to agree upon a new leader.

Personal Notes:

-You've never seen a den of villainy quite like that Sin City district. You have no doubt that it would take hundreds of missionaries to clean that place up, and that's assuming they wouldn't be gunned down in the process. Still, you believe you've done at least some good in promoting justice among the citizens. Hopefully, some of the citizens took your teachings to heart. Unforunately, your teachings seem to have fallen on deaf ears with regard to the police establishment; they promoted former instructor Ambrose to a Coursair posting about a week ago. If there were any justice in the system, an 'instructor' of his caliber should be allowed to be little more than a desk jockey.

-Still, Ambrose's departure does present one silver lining: an empty cubicle in the case room. The relative privacy of this working environment would be perfect for your meditations. You're not sure who is slated to occupy the space, but surely a superhero like yourself deserves such accomodations.

-At the same time, you're dismayed by the amount of time your colleagues have been spending at their desks. Chins, in particular, has only been seen leaving his desk to fetch fattening meals from Monk's. All this inactivity must be having a detrimental impact on the physical fitness of your compatriots. And as officers of the law, it is absolutely essential that they maintain a healthy lifestyle such that they can serve and protect the public. Don Atchison promised you that the civic In-Motion campaign would be founded soon to address just such an issue. In the meantime, it may be up to you to promote the benefits of physical activity and to lead the fight against atrophy. The second step would be to get them eating healthy food from Subway, but that will have to come later. Like when running, it's best to take one step at a time.

Mini-Objective:

-Obtain permission to occupy one of the empty cubicles.

-Fight the battle of the bulge by promoting physical activity.

(Please keep an accurate list of the people who have been successfully persuaded to become more physically active.)

John Watson – Crime Doctor 11

Recent Duties: It's been twelve days since you assisted in the arrest of master criminal Carmen Sandiego. Eleven days without much in the way of employment, and even longer since you received a real paycheque. Even with Mrs. Hudson defering your rent payments, you're still running dangerously low on money. She has even had the gall to suggest that you return to your medical career in order to make ends meet. As such, the biggest mystery you've dealt with over the past week involves considering where your next paycheque might come from.

Newspaper Headlines:

-The Blue Moon has a story on a recent hostage situation that took place in Precinct 4. A bunch of terrorists stormed the affluent Gorbachev Theater in the middle of an evening performance and threatened to harm the crowd if their demands were not met. The exact demands aren't reproduced in the paper, but they seemed to be political in nature and involved a strengthening of the Deksiilan presence on Lorac, ostensibly with the aim of ending the Vietnam War. Precinct 4's KGB responded to the situation with their typical brute force approach. They pumped the theater full of knock-out gas before storming in and securing the area. Unfortunately, the strong dosage of gas they used ended up being fatal for several of the hostages. Most of the terrorists perished in the confrontation, though a few were arrested. Still, the KGB consider their defusing of the situation to be a moderate success.

Mysteries:

-Wiggins overheard a couple bobbies talking over at Simpson's Diner, and brought the important thread of the conversation right to your flat, along with the contents of one bobby's wallet. Apparently there's a cop killer on the loose. They say the body of an off-duty cop was found in an abandoned shack over in Precinct 16, or at least its remains. Seems like the corpse was severely brutalized, with blood splashed all over the place. It's hard to tell how reliable such second-hand information really is, but given how seriously the law enforcement takes assault against its members, it's no surprise that the incident's been kept from the papers. It also implies that the police have yet to make an arrest in the case.

Personal Notes:

-You've yet to hear word from Mr. Cartwright, but you're sure that's no reason to become discouraged. Once he finishes reviewing your manuscripts, he's sure to rush them into publication. That should mark the end of your financial woes. Of course, publishers have an irritating tendancy to demand changes and edits before consenting to release any sort of material. It's obviously ridiculous that anyone would second-guess the wisdom of the author, who clearly is the person best equipped to judge which parts of a story are essential. Still, you may have to compromise just to get the Crime Doctor on the shelves, provided these edits don't destroy the meaning of your works.

-Your finances haven't been this dire since your college days. At the same time, you can't afford to let your affluent reputation be damaged by your lack of funds. Clients are sure to turn away if they think you aren't capable of supporting yourself on your investigative skills. It won't be the first time you've had to engineer an elaborate ruse in order to pursue the career of the Crime Doctor. At least this time you don't have to do so by propping up some unnamed fake.

-Precinct 13 is expected to hold a press conferance this afternoon for the unveiling of a new public relations initiative. Media of all stripes are invited to attend and get a first look at this new advertising campaign. You may not work for the newspapers, but you do carry one, which should be enough to get you in.

Mini-Objective:

-Don't allow any editing to dilute the artistic integrity of your manuscripts.

-Dispel rumours of your lackluster financial situation.

Wheatie – Legal Assistant's Report 12

Recent Duties: A week has passed since your last active operation, which isn't nearly long enough, where you're concerned. Although Ambrose was grooming you to be his successor, the only duties you seem to have inherited from him involve paperwork. Which is just the way you want it anyway, especially since it means you don't have to wear those ridiculous business casual clothes. Nothing beats old fashioned flannel, and with the paycheque you recently received, you should be able to afford that kind of clothing for a long time to come.

-Legal Assistant (Level 1) Paycheque: 800 Marks.

Book Report:

-Working on that promotional magazine was tons of fun! Millernia sent you a revision copy so that you could page through it, and everything looks great! Your public relations skills really shine through each and every page. The catalogue will be officially unveiled at a press conferance scheduled for this afternoon. Reporters from all the major media outlets are expected to attend. You've also been invited in order to give an insider perspective on the production of the magazine and its message. This could be yet another chance to show off your social skills.

Notes from Home: None.

Legal Report:

-The trial of Carmen Sandiego is still pending. Meanwhile, Miss Vayl's been negotiating deals with some of the lesser agents you captured during your last mission. Fatty Bolger was one of the first to squeel, and quickly offered testimony in exchange for a reduced sentence. You're not really surprised that Fatty would once again sell out his allies.

Personal Notes:

-With both Ambrose and McGuire promoted out of the precinct, there are now several empty cubicles in the case room, just waiting to be claimed. Obtaining the privacy of such a workspace would be a huge boon to your productivity. No longer would your intense concentration be disturbed by the comings and goings of your often recalcitrant colleagues. Considering how much time you already spend at your desk, it seems only reasonable that you should be the one to receive the superior accomodations.

-You've heard some of the beat cops in the precinct talking about one of the latest supervillains to hit the streets. It's supposedly a Denchulli criminal who calls himself The Scarecrow. The other cops often joke that you must know him, since you both hail from the same planet. Despite what they seem to think, there are plenty of people on Denchul that you don't actually know, this Scarecrow among them. Yeah, it's not funny.

-Earlier today, you spotted a bunch of Warchons wandering in wide-eyed wonder through the precinct. They must be tourists or something, as they were taking pictures of everything in sight. This is probably the first time they've been to a big foreign city like Cormus. You can certainly sympathise with what they might be going through as they adjust to this new culture. Perhaps you can make them feel welcome by offering them a piece of Denchulli culture, such as rice. You've heard that those kinds of grains are very rare on their planet.

Mini-Objective:

-Provide editing suggestions to Dr. Watson to help him improve his manuscript.

-Obtain permission to occupy one of the empty cubicles.

Jackie - Agent's Report 4

Recent Duties: A week has passed since you assisted in the arrest of those VILE agents. None of them were rich white men, but it still seemed like taking them down was a good idea. Since then, you've spent a lot of time directing the renovations of your apartment. You also got paid by the Deksiilan authorities. Although you're still officially registered as IBI, your salary is temporarily being covered by the Cormus police department.

-Agent (Level 1) Paycheque: 750 Marks.

Wokking the Streets:

-Several people in your appartment building have employed a group called the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners. As their name suggests, they seem willing to clean carpets and apartments for incredibly cheap rates. The only downside, according to one neighbour, is that they're some sort of crazy cult. They apparently tried to convince him to join after cleaning up his place. Maybe you misheard that part, because it sounds a bit crazy. Then again, that's no more crazy than many things that seem to happen here on Deksiil.

Classified Information: (As a police agent, you are privy to sensitive information regarding past and ongoing investigations. Any information involving current police operations is not to be discussed with the media or the public.)

-Word among the agents is that there's a cop killer on the loose. A dismembered corpse was apparently found in an abandoned shack in Precinct 5. They say the corpse was mutilated beyond recognition, with blood and flesh strewn throughout the shack in an apparently deliberate manner. The guys from the lab were able to identify the body as belonging to a cop from Precinct 5 using DNA found at the scene. Some believe the context of the killing suggests some sort of dark ritual, although this remains strictly speculation. This case is highly classified, and none of its details have yet been released to the public.

Personal Notes:

-It's unusual to find Warchons out here on Deksiil, but a few tourists do show up every now and then. A group of them stopped by the Electran embassy this morning and were redirected over to your precinct. You're always happy to help out your countrymen deal with all the culture shock and translation issues, provided you're not busy with anything else. As such, your Electran superiors have instructed you to show the Warchon tourists a good time and keep them out of trouble.

-You're having work done in your appartment. Your intense training regimen has been having quite an impact on the contents of your place, such as the counters and other fragile appliances. They just don't make them as sturdy as their counterparts on Warchon, which could surely be used as a weapon without breaking. In any case, you've had a workman named Conrad fixing the place up for most of the past week. Progress is slow, as he seems to want your input for even the smallest decisions.

Mini-Objective:

-Ensure that the Warchon toursits enjoy their stay in Cormus.

(Please keep a list of your hospitality efforts.)

Chins – Officer's Report 4

Recent Duties: Thankfully, all your most recent duties have involved your desk, and more importantly, your chair. Which happens to sit behind your desk. It seems your efforts to lobby the police brass were actually quite effective. Some might also call your efforts duplicitous, but as far as you're concerned, you've really been physically challenged all your life. It's about time someone finally acknowledged it. In any case, your most pressing assignments in the past 13 days have been the daily crossword puzzles. And depositing your most recent paycheque in an ATM. Protecting your secret code is more work than anything else you've done in the past week.

-Administrative Assistant (Level 1) Paycheque: 650 Marks.

Piles on the Desk:

-Your desk still remains remarkably uncluttered, even with a pileup of several crossword puzzles. Figuring these things out before the next one arrives is really the only deadline you're dealing with at the moment, and you're still finding it very difficult. After all, these crossword puzzles are mentally, and for your money, physically exhausting. Unfortunately, The Chief doesn't seem to understand how taxing these things really are.

-Your appearance at the Gallery of Modern Art during the unveiling made the front page of the newspaper. They have a giant picture of you (and really, what picture of you isn't giant?) in your outlandish zebra stripe outfit with the caption: 'Fashion Disaster!'. Maybe this also contributed to the decision to transfer you back to a deskjob.

Chins' Most Wanted: (Precinct 13's vending machine is still out of order!)

-The Chief seems to have nixed the daily fried chicken deliveries. This means you've had to cut heavily into your own private stock of Twix in order to sate your monstrous appetite. While you were doing just that this morning, you happened to notice a group of Warchon guys watching your snack with great admiration. They must not have Twix on their home planet. No wonder they decided to leave. Still, this doesn't explain how they were able to get into the police case room. Then again, considering the work ethic of the guy who handles reception, it's not really such a mystery.

Personal Notes:

-Your deskjob is undeniably superior to active duty, but it still leaves a few things to be desired. In particular, a crowded caseroom is hardly the ideal environment for a nap, especially with the relatively clean state of your desk top. This has left you more than a little bleary-eyed, which only makes the completion of your duties more difficult. Clearly, you need to find a method of sleeping at work without being discovered.

-Rumours are floating through the precinct about some sort of civic health and exercise initiative called In Motion. It's aimed to increase awareness of physical fitness, and in so doing decrease future health problems. But in your case, it's sure to cause major health problems. All told, it seems like a completely crazy idea, which probably means Mayor Don Atchison is behind it all the way.

Mini-Objective:

-Find a safe way to nap while at work.

Book the first: Mini-objectives

Wheatie needed a cubicle to get some serious p-work done. Ambrose's cubicle was available but had virtually been promised to some shipwreck-surviving, yet crippled old man. McGuire's cubicle was also available but was a mess (a la bullet holes). His three prong approach involved putting the old man on stress leave, telling a sob story of his own (about shooting his rabid dog back on the family farm), and exposing Jackie's improperly obtained cubicle, freeing up more space. Wheatie was also required to give commentary on Watson's manuscript. This mainly consisted of "There isn't enough Oatie in this story" and "The crime doctor is unrealistically competent" among other grammatical errors.

Watson was outraged at the comments one of his other editors was sending him and set out to find him and insult him. His search led him to Papa Dimitrio at the Cormus Public Library, who was still fulfilling his community service. Insults ensued. How could a pizza man, let alone a convicted felon, possibly have the mad skillz to effectively critique Watson's manuscript? Thus, Watson attained a heightened state of self-delusion and experience was awarded.

Neji's quest was to promote a calisthenics session being put on at the police station by Globo Gym. However, as Ben so aptly put it, this mini-objective would better be titled "write down the names of all the characters you know". Part 2 of Neji's quest seemed to be "Screw Wheatie over by stealing away his cubicle". Neji used some sob story (although it is still unknown what exactly) to gain the undying favoritism of the cubicle committee.

Awesome! I'm listening to FF4 boss music right now!

Jackie showed some Warchon tourists around, constantly remarking how backwards the Deksiilan culture is. He even gave them a chance to see a real Cormus mugging. Well, he beat up a guy who was robbing an old lady. Also, once the mugger was tied up, she slapped him silly. Anyways, he also allowed the tourists to sleep under some desks in his cubicle, as per the Seinfeld episode. Jackie also had to give specific instructions to his contracted home renovator, Conrad. The merits of silver hinges vs. brass hinges were discussed. Although Jackie did do all these things, they were perhaps only done to facilitate Chins' mini-objectives. He also hired some culty carpet cleaners.

Chins was charged with exploiting the Warchon tourists by making them spend all of their money on his lunch. This was done easily (gullible foreigners). He also decided to have Conrad build him a sleeping area, including an alarm clock, under his desk, as per the other Seinfeld episode. One can easily predict what this led to, but we'll talk about that later. Oh yeah, Chins had the "Screw Wheatie over by stealing away his cubicle" objective too.

Book the second: The Case

Some rich guy's wine has been stolen. He lives in a secure, uppity neighborhood. Find out how it happened. Wheatie knew it was the carpet cleaners and wanted to phone the guy and then attack the cleaners while they were still at the station. However, the GM would not allow this, and the PCs actually had to do work for a change. So we interviewed the guy and found out the cleaners were there a couple days ago. There was no sign of forced entry, so we checked all the keys to the house and surely enough, one of them had wax on it. A copy had been made so that the cult could come back later and "clean up" (hehe). Also, we found their van's tire tracks in the back alley and a neighbor heard them at the time of the robbery. This, however, was not enough evidence to get a warrant, so instead, we went to the cult headquarters and attacked them. The cult was led by "The Leader". Jackie attacked with cleaning supplies, Chins appeared to do nothing, Wheatie burned things, Watson and Neji caused explosions. Despite him crushing us with a Zamboni, we were able to collectively school The Leader and his lackies (which included broom guys, vacuum guys, and pressure washer people). Actually, considering Wheatie went down so quickly this battle, it's a little surprising we didn’t get schooled ourselves. I guess even the unenlightened can get lucky. The villains were arrested (not by us of course, that kind of menial labor is far more suited to NPCs) and back to the precinct we went.

Book the third: You thought the adventure was over, didn't you!

Sweet! More FF4 music! The orchestral version of "Into The Darkness" if you must know.

The precinct was surrounded by police tape. It was a bomb threat! Someone heard ticking from under Chins' desk. Obviously, it had to be a bomb, and evacuating the building was the best course of action to take. A bomb squad robot was sent in and sawed through Chins' desk finding, not too surprisingly, an alarm clock. But somehow we found out that there was an actual bomb somewhere else in the office. After the robot was mysteriously disabled, the PCs were sent in to investigate, despite the fact that they were all seriously wounded and there were plenty of other officers nearby. The culprit was spotted, Globo Gym guy! After he knocked Neji unconscious, we saw him run upstairs with Neji as a hostage and a remote control in his hand. This meant he could blow us up at any time. We had to bring the bomb with us, but since no one could make a simple dex check to cut it loose, we had to bring the entire desk. We chased him to the roof where he threatened to kill Neji if we didn't drop the bomb. After careful deliberation, we decided to let him drop her off the roof. Don't worry, Wheatie saved her with flying action, and then redirected damage to her unconscious body (hehe). A wimpy battle ensued, as the PCs tried to chase Globo Gym guy across rooftops. Wheatie did wicked damage with a psi-globe and saved Jackie from certain falling death. Nobody else did anything (maybe Watson shot him) so he got away.

Epilogue

The PCs get promoted (Why all of them did, I don't know, Wheatie was the only one to do anything useful, like saving the lives of two fellow officers. Apparently, this warrants no special mention). Then, to add insult to injury, the chief decided that since we fought so much over the cubicles, there will be an open office policy from now on. Experience was gained, but Wheatie was mildly unhappy.

Bonus Material: More of Wheatie's exploits!

Wheatie defended the police force's new promotional catalogue at a press conference! Wow! He also solved the mystery of the stolen wine in zero clue points! Cool! At the beginning of the adventure, he ate a healthy whole wheat sandwich! Bonus!

Note: Special thanks to Wheatie for writing this summary.

Scaevoli
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: The Cormus Daily Planet
Scaevoli has covered the crime beat for the Cormus Daily Planet for many years, and comes across as a scathing critic of the police and their methods. Unsurprisingly, this attitude seems to have endeared him to J. Jonah Jamieson, at least insofar as any mere replaceable employee can enjoy JJJ's affections. Although opinions differ, some rumours suggest that Scaevoli's quarrel with the police is a result of a personal tragedy that occured many years ago and could possibly have been averted with more vigilant policing. Others believe he's just a jerk in the mold of his employer. Scaevoli can be described as a tall man, with spiked red hair and intense green eyes. He's usually clothed all in black, most prominently including an ankle-length leather trenchcoat.

Sweyn Canute
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Globo Gym
Globo Gym was initially commissioned to spearhead the city's In Motion campaign, which was to begin by imposing a healthy physical lifestyle on civic employees, such as the police department. Sweyn Canute was chosen to be the point man on this job, which isn't surprising given his astounding physique. In fact, Sweyn considers himself to be a walking work of art, what with his sculpted muscles and his abs of steel. Otherwise, his description includes slicked back blond hair, gym shorts and sometimes an In Motion t-shirt. He is also known for speaking with something vaguely resembling a Dutch accent. While ostensibly preparing to hold fitness classes, Canute was actually responsible for planting a bomb in Precinct 13. His reasons for doing so remain unclear, although they might well involve getting points through raiding.

Eldridge
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Precinct 13 Police Officer
Eldridge is an older member of the police force who is continuing to work well past the typical retirement age. In keeping with his age, he wears a blue sweater-vest over his police uniform and hobbles along with the help of a cane. While his apparent frailty might make him appear unsuited for the police force, the fact that he survived the sinking of the Andrea Doria is a testament to his hardy spirit. In fact, this ordeal has given Eldridge a reputation for courage in the face of adversity and tragedy that has translated into several tangible benefits, such as first dibs on empty cubicles.

Conrad/Connie/Con/Rad/Whatever you prefer
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Handyman
They say it's hard to find a good handyman, and Conrad may just be the man to prove that rule. That's because he's only as good as your input, since everything he does is based upon it. Furthermore, he will sometimes chastise employers for failing to make decisions, and insist that they provide exhaustive and exact specifications before he can proceed with any project. Of course, all of this is under the guise of ensuring that Conrad conforms to the customer's needs. Conrad is a fairly large man, with brown hair and a trimmed beard. Like most workmen (and some legal assistants), he is prone to wearing flannel. He is also known to constantly wear a toolbelt.

Robespierre
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: French Revolutionary
The french quarter of Cormus has several pillars, and one of them is certainly Robespierre. In addition to serving on the french community association, Robespierre also doubles as a writer and philosopher who espouses the removal of the aristocracy in favor of a more bourgeois ruling class. This has led some to speculate that his third profession is that of a revolutionary, though this has not been confirmed, unless you count his fascination with the guillotine as sufficient evidence. In keeping with his image in the community, Robespierre is never seen without a curly white wig and tinted glasses. His nose is hooked and sharp, and he wears renaissance style clothing. Otherwise, he is best known for his undying hatred of one Johnny English.

Jean-Claude
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Robespierre's Butler
Employing a butler can be an important status symbol, and is absolutely essential for a man like Robespierre. Jean-Claude is currently fulfilling that role, and has done so admirably for many years. This includes donning a professional butler's attire, complete with wig and fancy cravat. Jean-Claude is always very prim and proper, and has grown quite a taste for the high life. Coincidently enough, his belly seems to have grown at approximately the same time, to such an extent that he can barely hide it behind his cummerbund.

The Leader
Race: Deksiilan
Affiliation: Sunshine Carpet Cleaners
Since their opening, many people have come to suspect that the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners are really some sort of secret,yet highly-selective cult. Maybe it's their low prices, their creepy demeanor or those goofy yellow and red jumpsuits. More likely, it could be the way they refer to themselves only via numbers, except for The Leader, which is both his name and title. As that would imply, the Leader seems to command almost complete devotion from his followers. His appearance differs from that of his minions by including a goatee, a mustache and an ornate headdress with a sunburst on the front. In combat, the Leader seeks to clean up foes by running them over with a zamboni. It works surprisingly well, though it does leave a mess behind. That's when the minions come in to sweep up the leftovers.