Basically, here you'll see some of my current favorite characters and people in action. For example, Mr. T will probably pop up...hahahaha! HAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!..he..he...h.Nevermind.
The scene has changed...it's a bar, down in a shoddy section of town..currently, but a few hardy drinkers reside in the low down dive. This dive is owned by a man named Roccooo Dillon...
JOHN DOE: Give me something strong, Dillon...Whiskey!...no....wait..how about rum!
ROCCOOOO: Woah! Not many people drink rum! That sure is unusual. Well, here ya' go.
JOHN DOE: Unusual...oh no...ummm...Ahh..how about just a beer instead.
ROCCOOOO: Well, make up your mind already! Geez, all ya' yokels are so undecisive! What our society needs are more people like He-Man! He was a hero..why, I heard that he..
Roccooo continues to blither on about He-Man and youngsters for several more minutes, not realising that no one is listening to him anymore.
JOHN DOE:...(Whew! That was CLOSE! Good thing this is what everyone does..at least I'm not unusual!!)
At this point, Bej enters the bar.
BEJ: Hey Reese! Give me an apple juice!
ROCCOOO: (Looks up from his He-Man tirade)Who? I'm the bartender here! Roccooo Dillon! Ya talking to me, Bej?
REESE: Nooooo, I do believe he's talking to me.
BEJ: Actually, I was talking to you, John Doe.
John Doe, who was trying very hard not to be noticed, slumped further down on his stool, until inevitably, it collapsed.
ROCCOOO: Doe! You're paying for that stool!!
At the mention of his name, John Doe scuttles under a nearby table, hoping vainly not to be noticed.
BEJ: Where's my apple juice?????
ROCCOOO: You should talk to me when you want a drink!!! I'm the BARTENDER, you country HICK!!
REESE: Right, one apple juice comin' right up!
Reese walks behind the counter and begins fiddling with the bottles of booze. Roccooo Dillon looks over, mutters something under his breath, and smashes a crowbar on the back of Reese's head. Reese goes down, probably dead.
BEJ: WOOOOOOOWWWWW! THAT WAS COOL!! YOU HIT HIM WITH A CROWBAR!!! LET ME GIVE IT A TRY! WOW...A CROWBAR...GIVE ME YOUR CROW BAR, ARTHUR!!!!!
ROCCOOOOO: Who now????
At this point, Arthur enters the bar.
ARTHUR: Hello old chaps! Talking about me, eh? Well, Roccooo, fetch me a spot of tea!
ROCCOOOO: This is a bar! We don't do tea!....but I do have this here pirate rum...
ARTHUR: DISGRACE-FUL! Listen you ill-mannered bloke, I demand Tea otherwise, I'll give you the beating of a lifetime. Do you understand YOU GREASE MONKEY????
BEJ: COOOOLLLLL!!! YOU CALLED ME A GREASE MONKEY! ALright! Does this allow me to drive my cemi over little animals and not be arrested???
ROCCOOO: Nah, it means you'd be arrested for that.
BEJ: Not so far, I haven't!!!
ARTHUR: I say, old chaps, are you ignoring me???
ROCCOOO: ARE YOU CALLING ME OLD?
BEJ: I think he's calling me old. Cool. That means I can drive my four-wheeler through your bar, right Reese?
REESE:..............(Too bad he's slowly bleeding to death..)
ROCCOOO: Are you talking to me?
ARTHUR: Who? Me or that hick guy?
ROCCOOO: I don't pay myself enough for this!--
With incredible speed, Roccoooo Dillon slams his crowbar on Arthur's head..Arthur drops down, bleeding all over the almost-forgotten John Doe. At this point, Lord Stanley and his entourage enter the bar. In other words, Stanley, his bodyguard Ryu, and his "manager" Shado.
STANLEY: This is OUTRAAAAGEOUS! I demand someone to move this bleeding body from my path. Ryu, see to it.
RYU: As you wish, master. (Ryu throws Arthur's body out the window..there is alot of shouting from outside, and even a few sirens.)
SHADO: I recommend you buy a cheap drink, Stanley, and allow me to hold your expensive fur coat! I'll make sure no one..hehehe..takes...hehe..it..since...hehe..it's worth..he..a small...hehe..fortune!
STANLEY: SHMASHING idea, Shado!
Stanley hands his coat to Shado, who instantly makes a break for the door...and escapes too. Meanwhile, Stanley takes a seat.
BEJ: Where's my apple juice, Stanley?
ROCCOOOO: Here we go again...
STANLEY: This is PREPOSTEROUS! How dare you order me around like a common barkeep??!! Ryu, eject this yokel from my presence!
RYU: As you wish, master---
ROCCOOOO: H---eeeey! This is my bar, and he's one of my customers..well..he might be, if he ever gets the names straight..but anyway, you can't just eject anyone you want!..unless you're buying, of course.
STANLEY: This is intOLERABLE! Ryu, eject this deluded grease monkey from my presence!
RYU: Ahhh...but Master...he is the bartender...
STANLEY: OUTRAGEOUS! How dare you question my orders, Ryu! I demand that you eject yourself from my presence immeidiately!..after ejecting these other two of course!
JOHN DOE: (Timidly, but not wanting to appear abnormal)Umm...shouldn't I be ejected too?
STANLEY: Outrageous! How dare you demand that you be ejected from my presence! Ryu, make sure this man never leaves my presence!!
RYU: (Helluva confused) Whhh...aa..tt? But I thought I was supposed to leave, master!
BEJ: WHERE's MY APPLEJUICE????????
ROCCOOOO: Ya' just had to ask!
Roccooo pours Bej a glass of apple juice, which Bej immeidiately chugs..seconds later, he falls off his stool, choking and gasping...
BEJ: *cough* Forgot...I'm allergic...to Apple Juice...
ROCCOOOO: Them's the rocks, kid!
At this, the evening crowd enters the bar...
FREDDIE: Hey gang!
ROCCOOO: Hey Freddie! What'll it be??
LAMAYO: Ham on rye club, extra mayo.
ROCCOOOO:Hey, Lamayo! How's it goin'?...Haven't seen you since Super Adventure V...but by the way...we don't serve sandwhiches..
LAMAYO: Who?
ROCCOOO: Me...I don't serve sandwhiches!
LAMAYO: YOU HAVEN'T LOOKED IN A MIRROR SINCE SUPER ADVENTURE V??? That's very...suspicious..
ROCCOOOO: What the hell...?
SHADO: I'm back, Lord Stanley!
STANLEY: Shmashing..absolutely shmashing! Shado, what should I order to drink?
SHADO: Hehe..why..don't...you give..me...your...wallet..and I'll...order...some..heheh.thing!
STANLEY: CAPITAL! It will be as you say, Shado!
RYU: That might not be a good idea, Stanley---
STANLEY: Ryu, don't be a foolish fop!
ROCCOOO: Yeah..Ryu's the fop..
RYU: I HEARD that!
ROCCOOO: I was being sarcastic!
LAMAYO: Do you have any Mayo, Freddie?
STANLEY: Outrageous! Absolutely outrageous! I heard that Roccoo!
SHADO: Come on...TRUST me...(Shado smiles like a used-car salesman)
ROCCOOOO: I didn't say anything...it...was...REESE! Yeah..it was that REESE GUY!
FREDDIE: Sorry gang, I'm all out of Mayo!
SHADO: Isn't that bleeding body on the floor Reese?
REESE:....................(too bad he's still dying!)
ROCCOOO: Oh..ummm...Reese isn't dead yet...he's one tough..sucka!
LAMAYO: Roccoo..you'd better buy some Mayo or else...Nyahaha!
BEJ: WOWOW! Just like me! I'm pretty tough too! See? I didn't die! This reminds me of that time when Roccooo hit Reese..with a crowbar!!! A CROWBAR!! HAHAHA! Right on the head!!!--
ROCCOOO: shut up, Bej...
BEJ: ON THE HEAD! WITH A CROWBAR!! ROCCOOO KILLED REESE!! AHAHAHA! HAHA--
In a lightning quick movement, Roccoo shoves a bottle of apple juice down Bej's throat. Bej instantly collapses again, choking.
FREDDIE: What have you done, Gang?
LAMAYO: Roccooo..that looked mighty suspicious..looks like it's time for some detecting!
STANLEY: Ryu! I demand you eject this nosy detective, Lamayo!
LAMAYO: WHO? IS THERE ANOTHER DETECTIVE HERE??? IS IT...ROCKFORD???
RYU:..umm...I think he meant YOU, LAmayo!
ROCKFORD: Well, he could've meant me..
LAMAYO: Rockford...you're gonna pay for solving all those cases!
ROCKFORD: Roccooo! Ham on rye, hold Lamayo!
ROCCOOO: Gotcha! (GRABS LAMAYO!)
LAMAYO: Let go of me!!
FREDDIE: GANG, we shouldn't be fighting each other like this!
MIKE SUE: Hey.
FREDDIE: GANG, instead of fighting, let's go exploring!
JOHN DOE: Is it...normal...to be part of this...gang??
STANLEY: PREposterous! I'm tired of being part of this incredibly inTOLERABLE gang! Ryu, eject this miscreant! Shado, here are the keys to my incredibly expensive car..start it up, and call my chauffeur Pastachio on my solid gold cell-phone!
RYU & SHADO: Yes, master.
Even as Shado runs out the door, Ryu tosses Freddie out the window..On the other side of the room, Lamayo and Dillon have decided to settle their squabble over a two-man game of solitaire, Rockford is eating his Ham on Rye, complaining that Roccooo forgot to hold the mayo. John Doe is cowering under a table, and Reese's bloody body is lying in the corner.
FREDDIE: (As he's being thrown out the window) Show determination! Try new things! GANG!GANG!GANG!gang!gang!gan..
LAMAYO: I can't believe I lost!
ROCCOOO: Haha!...Curses...I lost too..well...back to fighting, eh Lamayo?
LAMAYO: WHO?
ROCCOOO: Me!
LAMAYO: Alright, you can fight yourself...Rockford! Give me that MAYO!!!
ROCKFORD: You can have the mayo! This stuff's disgusting! Roccooo, I told you to hold the mayo!
ROCCOOOO: Ooops...sorry Rockford. I'll see to it immeidiately! (GRABS LAMAYO AGAIN!)
MIKE SUE: I've got a fast car.
STANLEY: BALDERDASH! Ryu! I don't know who this new guy is, but eject him immeidiately!
RYU: You'd think you owned this bar, Stanley..
Ryu tosses Mike Sue out the door..
STANLEY: But I do own this bar! Because I have ALL the money!
SHADO: (Already driving Stanley's car into Mexico)Not anymore, Stanley!
Stanley, of course, has no way of knowing what Shado just said.
ROCCOOO: What did you just say?
STANLEY: This bar clearly belongs to ME!
ROCCOOOOO: Sweet deal!!!!!!!! (LETS GO OF LAMAYO!) Finally! I can resume being "Le Cavalier Noir", and being a world famous biker!
Roccooo runs out, leaping with joy!
LAMAYO: Now the mayo's mine, Rockford!
ROCKFORD: You can have it!
JOHN DOE: (Hmmm...lots of people are getting thrown out the window..seems like the normal thing to do!)
John Doe Suddenly charges straight at Ryu, who reflexively grabs the normal man and throws him out a window.
STANLEY: PREPOSTEROUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Ryu, I told you to make sure that man never leaves my presence! Now eject yourself!!
RYU: Yes, master, as you wish. (Thinking: FINALLLY!! YIPPAY!!)
Ryu leaves. Suddenly, there is a rumbling sound...and the wall of the bar explodes as a fancy car drives in. In the drivers seat is none other than MIKE SUE!
MIKE SUE: Hey.
STANLEY: OUTRAGEOUS! How dare you drive through the wall of my bar and hit me! Lamayo! Do something!
Camera switches to slow motion.
LAMAYO: ...W...h....o...?
ROCKFORD: O...h n...o.
BEJ: COOL!
And with that, Mike Sue's car hits our heroes and sends them flying. Mike Sue quickly guns it and escapes...
LAMAYO: Who...were...you..talking..to?
STANLEY:....out...rageous..
LAMAYO: HEY! LOOK! My detecting has found a trail of MAYO!
Lamayo walks off following his trail of mayo..
BEJ: that was cool!
REESE: Wait...a..minute!..I'm..still...alive..!
BEJ: COOOOOOOL!! YOU GOT HIT WITH A CROWBAR, and YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!!! A CROWBAR! ON THE HEAD! AND YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!!ALIVE!
REESE:.........yeah..
BEJ: I WANT TO TRY THAT!
Without any hesitation, Bej grabs Dillon's crowbar and smashes Reese over the head..
REESE:..............
BEJ: Cool! I got'im! He's dead! COOOL! I KILLED REESE!! I KILLED REESE WITH A CROWBAR!
As the scene fades away, one can hear Bej continue to shout into the night..and the sounds of sirens converging on him...
Well, some of the jokes there are inside jokes...well..a lot of them. But anyways, sometimes ya' gotta change the pronounciations for the jokes to make sense. Especially for the Lamayo parts. I hope you enjoyed this exert from
Lamayo: Ham or Rye?
JARIDIS BLADE: Well...I couldn't think of a way to fit you in... I also wanted to add Foof..but ya' know..umm...
MR. T: SHUT UP, SUCKA, 'fore I throw you to Brazil. GET OFF THE FIELD!!
JARIDIS BLADE: oh no....
Mr. T winds up...and then....