Having recently been foiled by the great heroes of Spherus, the various arch-evils despair. It seems, somehow, that they never win. But, this may soon change, as a cunning one of their number decides that all the great villains should band together, discuss their plans, and formulate new strategies. Thus is born the
CERGO: Ah yes, you must be Lexirrus. You're late, you know. The others have been waiting..
LEXIRRUS: (upon entering the light, Lexirrus appears to be a tall man, with short blond hair in a pony tail and wearing an eyepatch and fancy clothing. Most of which, including his blue vest, is dripping mud) I had trouble finding the place. And now, just look at my clothing!
CERGO: I had best introduce myself, Lexirrus. My name is Cergo, but my friends simply call me 'Supreme Cergo'. (An ominous crash of thunder is heard)
LEXIRRUS: You have friends? I should think not. You've probably killed them all.
CERGO: (frowns in disapproval, then notices Lexirrus shaking out his fancy muddy clothing on the rug)STOP THAT! You're getting mud all over the carpet! Don't you know this is the past? There isn't a decent carpet cleaner in four thousand KMs! I have to do all that myself.
LEXIRRUS: I'm surprised you have any time to be a villain.
CERGO: Shut up! Just follow me, the others will be getting impatient.
Cergo leads Lexirrus into a large backroom, where seated around a table, are four figures, super villains all. The first is a greasy looking man wearing a rumpled grey suit. His hair is incredibly greasy, and he simply smells of oil. The second man is wearing a T-shirt with the sleeves torn off, and has a very strange and deadly looking sword strapped to his back. The third figure is a rather nondescript looking man with a mustache wearing a barret. Set neatly on the table in front of him is a Plasma gun. The final man at the table is tall and lanky. His clothing is poor quality and torn. His main feature would have to be the long scar running down the side of his face.
CERGO: Allow me to present you to the villains I have invited to this conferance. (Cergo indicates the man in the suit)This is Mr. Gerrard. (Next, Cergo indicates the man with the sword, who starts chuckling as Cergo motions to him) This is Kain. (Cergo turns to indicate the man in the barret) This is the inestimable cheif of security I've hired to prevent any problems. His name is Throsh. Captain Throsh. (Finally, Cergo indicates the last person, the one with the scar) And here we have Scarface.
LEXIRRUS: Good day all, I'll just take a seat here. So Cergo, where's our food? I thought this was supposed to come with dinner.
KAIN: (immiediately starts chuckling for no apparent reason) Hehehe..
GERRARD: Lexirrus, old boy, it's a been a while since we last met! As I recall, I set you up with a little..
LEXIRRUS:(hurriedly) No, you didn't! There was no deal!
GERRARD: I think there was. And it was a sweet one.
CERGO: Can we get down to business?
SCARFACE: What about dinner?
CERGO: Hang it all, can't dinner wait?
GERRARD: Cergo, I believe dinner was part of the package..
KAIN: (breaks out into laughter, interupting Mr. Gerrard)HAHAHAHAHA!
SCARFACE: No.
LEXIRRUS: What's that man's problem? He keeps laughing.
CERGO: (sarcasm drips) Maybe Kain just read a jokebook. Now let's get down to business. First, Captain Throsh will give us a report on what security mesures he has taken to make sure this place is secure. Throsh?
THROSH: (leans forward in his seat, raises one hand as if he had something to say.)...
LEXIRRUS: What did he say? I couldn't quite hear.
GERRARD: I don't know what he said..
CERGO: Neither do I.
PEG LEG BOUCHARD: I know what he said! He said he wants to crush Quebec!
CERGO: You're not invited here, Peg Leg! Get out!
SCARFACE: I want dinner.
PEG LEG: Le bloc, c'est pour vous!
KAIN: Ahahahaha!
GERRARD: Ya know, Cergo, excepting myself and Tyrome, who's hiding somewhere in this very room, Bouchard's probably the biggest villain!
TYROME: (who is standing in his huge black suit against one wall where he can easily be seen from all directions) I agree, Boss.
CERGO: It doesn't matter! Only those I specifically point out can be invited here! Throsh, you're in charge of security, how'd he get through?
THROSH: (momentarily looks baffled and rubs his chin)...
During all this commotion, Bouchard simply walks out the door and leaves, his peg leg scraping along the ground.
CERGO:(groaning) I need some real entertainment..
KAIN: As you wish! Hahaha!
For no apparent reason, Kain stands up and puts his deadly sword on the ground and proceeds to leap over it again and again, all the while laughing insanely.
CERGO: I don't think we'll be inviting Kain next year..
GERRARD: On the contrary, I find his additions to the conversation intrigueing. So, anyway, what's the..
LEXIRRUS: (interupting) No, nothing, there's nothing.
GERRARD: I was going to say 'situation'.
CERGO: Does anyone have anything to add right now?
Scarface immiediately raises his hand..
CERGO: Aside from pleas for dinner?
SCARFACE suddenly extends two of his fingers, and with lightning speed, jabs them into Lexirrus' eyes.
SCARFACE: EYEGOUGE!
LEXIRRUS: Arrrggh! WHy you little rotten biker..GRRR! I'll have your hide! I'm going to run you through! Face me in a duel!Still clutching at his eyes, Lexirrus shakily gets to his feet and draws his thunderblade.
TYROME: Why can't we all just..get along?
As Lexirrus rises angrily, Scarface leaps on his idling motorbike and flees the scene, driving right through one of the walls. All the while, Kain continues to jump uselessly over his sword and chuckle to himself.
CERGO: Scarface just drove through one of my WALLS!
THROSH: (Throsh once again looks baffled)..
LEXIRRUS: Where'd that little runt go? I'm going to tear him apart! He's finished..no one can hide from me...GR!!
GERRARD: Calm down. Cergo, why don't we make a..
CERGO: We're not making anything Gerrard!
At this revelation, Throsh looks shocked..
GERRARD: I was going to say 'meal', so that Lexirrus can calm down and regain his temper. This is a catered affair, right?
CERGO: Ummm..yes..right...well...we'll order pizza. What do you all want in terms of toppings?
TYROME: I'll have mushrooms.
CERGO: YOU don't get any! You're not even supposed to be here. Throsh, do something about him.
Even as Throsh ignores his orders, Tyrome attempts to sink deeper into his place of concealment against the wall.
THROSH: (raises one hand to command attention)...
GERRARD: I believe he just said that he wanted a T-bone steak.
CERGO: (shocked) A T-bone steak?!
LEXIRRUS: Well, we should just call you T-BONE!
T-BONE(Throsh):...
CERGO: But we're having pizza! T-bone, you can't have steak!
T-Bone lowers his head in sadness, even as Cergo goes to order the pizzas. A minute later he returns. Kain, meanwhile, looks up, but doesn't seem to care that he's not getting any pizza.
KAIN: I AM IMMORTAL! AHAHAHA!
CERGO: Now finally that all our visitors are gone.. (Tyrome looks around guiltily) We can at long last begin the council. I have invited a guest speaker to give a talk about villainy in general. I am pleased to present a distinguished villain in his own right, Mr. Tarsion. Tarsion, please come in.
A figure enters the room and moves to stand before the villains...They all gaze at the figure in awe, except for Kain, who doesn't even notice the event..
LEXIRRUS: Say, this Tarsion, he..looks..alot..like...
CERGO: (shouting) SCARFACE!!
SCARFACE: EYEGOUGE!
With another quicksilver movement, Scarface extends two of his fingers and plunges them towards Lexirrus' eyes. Forewarned, the space pirate hastily raises his hand to catch the blow, but it being an eyegouge, it simply slips through and pokes him in the eyes.
LEXIRRUS: AUUUUUGHHHH! Not AGAIN!
CERGO: Scarface has somehow infiltrated the building! T-bone, DO something!
T-BONE:..(T-Bone nods his head and proceeds to reach into his pocket and pull out a T-Bone steak, which he proceeds to devour at a rapid rate.)
GERRARD: Tyrome, I say you get him!
TYROME: Yes, boss.
In a sneaky move, Tyrome darts out of his hiding place and grabs T-Bone/Throsh. He proceeds to pound the living daylights out of him.
CERGO: NO! Not T-Bone! Get SCARFACE!
TYROME: But I want the steak..!
GERRARD: T-Bone, ya should've sealed the..
T-BONE: (somehow manages to interupt Gerrard, by saying agbsolutely nothing)...
SCARFACE: Nya! Tarsion's sick, so I came instead. Nya! (he quickly turns and escapes out the hole in the wall caused by his bike earlier..)
CERGO: I..don't think we'll be inviting Scarface next year either..
LEXIRRUS: DAMN BIKER! I'm going to KICK HIS ASS!
T-BONE:...
GERRARD: Quick, Tyrome, silence him! He's trying to call for help!
TYROME: Right boss. T-Bone, you dirty rat, ooooouh!
In short order, Tyrome smashes T-Bone in the face with a sloppy attack and grabs the steak. Together, he and Gerrard race for the door, and as they leave the building, the engine of a bullet-proof limo can be heard to start as the two make their getaway.
CERGO: Gerrard and Tyrome won't be coming back either!
LEXIRRUS: Since I've been here, I've been poked twice in the eyes, laughed at numerous times, and haven't been given any food. Frankly Cergo, I'm not going to be COMING back next year.
CERGO: Wait...Lexirrus..we're not done the meeting yet!
Cergo's words fall on deaf ears, as Lexirrus stalks out the door, slamming it behind him. Morosely, Cergo turns to looks at the unconcsious form of T-Bone.
CERGO: T-Bone, you're fired! (Turning around, he walks upstairs to his bedroom, regurgitating about the night's events.)
CERGO: Ah, what a tortured soul am I. Just think of all the disturbances! Bouchard, Scarface, Gerrard, Tyrome! But truly, destroying the council and causing such chaos is really rather villainous. And evil too, I would surmise. So I guess it really was the Villainous Council. Still, if that's the way it's going to be, I'm not coming back next year either. Lexirrus was right, I'm not cut out to be a real villain.
Satisfied with his musings, Cergo, goes to sleep, and thus ends the first villainous council..or does it?
KAIN: AHAHAHAHA! Excellent pizza, wouldn't you say?
T-BONE:...
KAIN: Heheheehe! These..mushrooms are excellent!
T-BONE:... (reaches into his pocket, and after a moment, pulls out two T-Bone steaks. At this, he grins, as does Kain.)
KAIN: Mwaha! I SHALL NEVER DIE! Let the Villainous Council continue eternally!
With that, the two proceed to messily chomp down the T-Bone steak and the remainder of the pizza. ;)
Heheheh..I thought that was pretty good. I hope none of you were expecting something that was actually serious! Perish the thought! Although, if you think about it, t'was really a villanous council. Scarface attacking everyone, Kain and T-Bone plotting to eat pizza and steaks, Gerrard and Tyrome stealing a steak. Oh, and let's not forget Bouchard, possibly the most sinister of all! Hopefully, you all found it amusing. But that really is of secondary importance; for me, it was just dang fun to write.